School Days

 

Up in the mornin' and out to school
The teacher is teachin' the golden rule
American history and practical math
You studyin' hard and hopin' to pass   ~ Chuck Berry

 

My memory is a little fuzzy, so stick with me.

When my son was young, school here in Cobb County, Georgia, started in the last week or so in August.

Then parents complained because the kids were in school for a week, and you had the Labor Day weekend, which parents used to go to either:  The Eiffel Tower in Paris, France, or Alvin's Magic Mountain in Panama City Beach. 

The school board listened and started school a week earlier the following year.  Parents complained.

The year after that, the school board listened to the complaints and started school another week earlier, on the second week of August.

Parents complained and complained because the second week of August in Georgia is very, very hot.  

No problem said the school board. Our schools are equipped with the finest of air conditioners.

For the past couple of years, school has started in Cobb County on August 1st. 

Pretty soon, the school year will start on June 1st because we have air conditioners. Which is an offense against humanity.

I'm from that age demographic that says school should start on the Tuesday after Labor Day. (The parents of this demographic were the ones that went to school every day, including Christmas. And they walked three miles to school through rain, sleet, snow, hail, hurricanes, and volcanic eruptions.  It was uphill, both ways.)

My demographic has The Bible on its side. 

The Bible says, "Verily, I say unto thee. Public schools must start on the Tuesday after Labor Day. Not the Wednesday or Thursday, thus saith The Lord."

 

Well, the explanations for the earlier school days range all the way from Shut-up to something about 180 days for school, and the kids forget so much during the What Used To Be Called Christmas Break But Is Now Called Winter Because Not Everybody Goes To A Baptist Church Break.

 

In fact, it seems like there are more breaks than I remember as a kid. Granted, it was a long time ago, but I don't remember a Fall break.  Wait, we had one. It was called Thanksgiving.

There's a mid-winter break, and then there is Spring Break. Do you remember Spring Break?  It is when all the Cobb County kids go to Panama City Beach to learn to binge drink. 

I remember my Spring Break. It was called "Mow The Yard, Alan."   My family didn't do breaks, and I wasn't popular enough to go with others to Florida.  On top of everything else, I looked like I was fourteen until I turned thirty-five, so I wouldn't have been any help scoring booze.

I admit I have bittersweet feelings about my public school education.  I had some great teachers, like my fourth-grade teacher who put on a sombrero and said, "Viva, Nixon."

I can't forget Mr. Collier from Wheeler, who was the only person to see me as a future leader when I had (still have) the leadership skills of a cocker spaniel.  It was still very nice of him and not his fault that I got blackballed from a service organization he recommended me for, not that I'm bitter.

I had the legendary Mr. Hines at Wheeler, who taught me the phrase "trousered apes," which I always remember when I see the band Florida-Georgia Line.

I had a bunch of good teachers, a bunch of so-so teachers, and a bunch of God-awful teachers.  I had a teacher tell the eleven-year-old me that I didn't have "what it takes" to play the recorder.  (My son always tells me to "let it go" when I tell him that story.)

When my son was coming along, I noticed his teachers were sort of like mine. Some excellent. Some good. Some mediocre. Some were absolute maroons.  I agree teachers should receive a good salary, but I would also say there are some teachers that are overpaid.

However, education has a lot of stuff it has to put up with, like making sure a fourth grader is called by the correct pronoun.  So I guess the earlier school starts the earlier it can finish makes sense.

 

A Sleep Study

 

For several years, I've heard these words daily:

WAKE UP!

My darling, lovely wife spoke these words.  It always happened after supper, when we were watching TV.  It didn't matter what was on. The Super Bowl. The World Series. Stranger Things. Nekkid And Anxious In The Woods. I would just simply, gradually, fall asleep. 

It really wasn't a big deal, except with my sleeping came very LOUD snoring as you would see in  cartoons. Sawing logs doesn't even begin to describe it.

My wife taped it once; I must admit, it was awful.  

However, it wasn't the worst. That would be from somebody I'll call Big Ron to protect his identity.

Once, when our sons were "little," the church had a retreat for the boys and their dads.  My son and I shared a cabin with Big Ron, his son, and some other lads with dads.

As soon as the lights went out, a noise came from where Big Ron had bunked. I cannot describe this noise except to say it sounded like a combination of a nuclear explosion and an angry bull.  I thought he was joking. Nope.  He was sound asleep.

I just thought I had become a smaller, more handsome version of Big Ron and developed a snore. But, hey, my wife married me for better or worse, and I thought the snoring qualified as the "or worse" part.

As the years went by, my wife would suggest that I mention it to my doctor because the snoring and the falling asleep were symptoms of a condition called Sleep Apnea.

Sleep Apnea is when your Apnea falls asleep. You need to have alert Apnea, particularly when driving in Atlanta.

Actually, Sleep Apnea is "a serious sleeping disorder when your breathing starts and stops while you slumber" (WebMD). It differs from regular snoring because of the breathing stopping and starting thing. 

The symptoms of Sleep Apnea are Nuclear Sonic Snoring, pausing for breath, choking or gasping, and restlessness.  Another symptom is your wife waking you up and telling you that you are snoring. 

Other signs of Sleep Apnea are Sleepiness during the day, restless sleep, sore throat, forgetfulness, and something else I forgot.  

If you have any of these symptoms, you must go to your PCP (primary care physician), so he/she can refer you to a pulmonary specialist because your insurance says this is cost-effective. 

Once at the pulmonary specialist office, you will meet the pulmonary specialist so the pulmonary specialist can order you a "sleep study," which is something only a doctor can do because the insurance says this is cost-effective.

My pulmonary specialist  (Dr. Hurt-really, that's her name) ordered my sleep study. Back in the olden days, you would have to go to the hospital and do it.  But today, they send a little gadget that you can put on your finger when you go to bed. 

The gadget must be attached to a finger on your non-dominant hand. If you are right-handed, like me, that means your left hand.   For some reason, you cannot wear jewelry when using this gadget to do a sleep study.  

I wear only one piece of jewelry-my wedding ring. Unfortunately, I could not get my wedding ring off. We tried everything, so I pleaded with the after-hours nurse to let me do the study on my dominant hand or let me do it with my wedding ring.

They allowed me to do the study on my non-dominant hand that had the wedding ring. Then, a week or so later, I had surgery: a wedding ringectomy performed by a local jeweler. 

My test showed that I had moderate to severe sleep apnea, and my doctor said I had three options:

• A continuous positive airway pressure device (CPAP).
• Surgery.
• Some type of device that a Dental Surgeon has to make.

I went for the CPAP because it was more cost-effective, and I knew it would make me popular with the insurance company because they are into that saving money thing. 

My doctor cautioned me that something was going on about "the supply chain," which was working fine and dandy until 2020 appeared. Unfortunately, this meant there would be a "delay" in receiving my CPAP machine.   

That was the Monday after the Super Bowl.

The day after the Fourth of July, I noticed I hadn't received my CPAP machine. I called the doctor's office.  Lo and behold, the supply chain found a CPAP machine and I had to schedule an appointment to pick up my machine.

I went to pick up my machine. The office had several workers, including a  gentleman who has a CPAP machine and his wife loves it!

A guy was assigned to teach me the ropes of a CPAP machine.   Rule one: Press this button.

As my wife would say, it was so simple even Alan could do it. 

Now I am a man with a CPAP machine.  My results have been good, I guess. I sleep through the night, and my wife hasn't heard me snore.  I haven't fallen asleep watching television either.

 

My Apnea is awake.

 

Causal Summer Observations

 

 

I don't have one topic for this post.   

I have what's called in this business, by which I mean the industry of blogging, a blog of several observations because I can string a sentence or two about a topic, but I can't string a bunch of sentences into a blog post.  By the way, I saw "A Bunch Of Sentences" open for Kajagoogoo in 1983.  

A Smart car always looks dumb when it is in the wrong lane.

Once you realize that most people act like they did in high school, you learn to accept them as they are and let them go on with their bad selves.

I like saying, "go on with your bad self."

The kids of Hawkins, Indiana, have learned to cuss pretty well.

Season Four of "Stranger Things" features lots of cussing and lots of bone-breaking.

This isn't a spoiler, but Max of "Stranger Things" reminds me of one of my nieces.

I'm not sure how "Stranger Things" is going to end.  Probably everyone gets trapped in The Upside-Down, and Michael Dukakis is elected President Of The United States.

Speaking of streaming shows, we've started watching "The Offer" about making the classic movie "The Godfather."

Here's what I've learned about mobsters from "The Godfather", "Goodfellas", and "The Sopranos."

One, mobsters spend most of their time eating.

When they are not eating, they are arguing with each other.

When they are not arguing with each other, they are trying to figure out how to whack somebody.

When they do whack somebody, they go out to eat afterwards.

The rest of the day is spent cussing and committing adultery.

One of the characters in "The Offer" is Joe Columbo, a Mafia big wig who is offended by the portrayal of Italian-Americans in "The Godfather."  He started an organization called "The Italian-American Civil Rights League" to combat negative stereotypes about Italian-Americans.

In reality, it was a PR group  to deny the existence of The Mafia and "improve the image of Mobsters." (Wikipedia)

Do you know what would have improved the image of mobsters?  Less whacking.

One of the things I find annoying is a little trick used by hoo-de-do millennial and Gen-Z writers to take a topic and take a view totally opposite from general consensus.

For example, a young writer for one of those New York magazines, which is supposed to signal what everybody should think, tweeted that "Seinfeld" was not funny.

She clarified that Julia Louis-Dreyfus was great (of course!) and Jason Alexander had his moments.  However, Jerry Seinfeld could not act, and Michael Richards is a horrible person who should never be forgiven.

"Seinfeld" is overrated in the sense that it was not the BEST SITCOM EVER.  It was merely one of the best sitcoms ever.

I noticed this tendency a decade or so ago when I saw Millennials say The Beatles were overrated.  So were The Stones and the Eagles. 

I think some of the young people just like having a different opinion because it sets them apart from the crowd.

But as Tom Petty once said, "It's just taste, man."  If someone doesn't like The Beatles, it is no skin off my nose.

I just don't remember my generation sitting around saying, "Beethoven, he's okay, I reckon. I mean, I get DA-DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, besides that, meh."

If something's good, it's good no matter when it was made.

Finally, we saw the new movie about Elvis Presley.  It is a good, flashy movie. Tom Hanks, despite what you might have read, did an excellent job as Col. Tom Parker.

My only comment about Elvis is one from George Harrison.  He said, "When Elvis was great, he was really great."

Who's Next? Who Knows?

 

 

It was back in my first blog, Alan's Alley, that I made my first prediction about an upcoming Presidential election.

It was 2006, and I predicted the next President would be either John McCain, Hillary Clinton, or this guy from Illinois, Barack Obama.

 

Granted, it didn't take  Nostradamus to figure that one out. But I came back in 2011 and predicted Mitt Romney would win the Republican nomination.  I was right again because Republicans usually nominate the guy next in line. In 2008, that was McCain; in 2012, that was Romney.

In 2013, my psychic powers went kablooey. 

I predicted the Republicans would retake the White House with a blunt-talking fatty from a Northern industrial state:  Chris Christie.

I based this on something Chris Matthews said-the new President is always different from the last President.  Kennedy was young, and Eisenhower was old.  Carter wouldn't tell a lie, and Nixon, well, you know.  I thought, who is more different than Barack Obama besides Chris Christie.  

Oops.

I'll admit I didn't see the Donald Trump phenomenon coming. Sure, he was on TV every week and the show did quite well, but I didn't see him as Presidential timber at all.

 

Well, he won and we had four years of the Donald Trump experience which was real, as they say.

The Trump years ended like most things with Trump: badly. He took his obvious defeat like a big baby, practically ordering the Secretary of State of Georgia to find 13,000 votes. 

I knew Trump didn't have any facts on his side when he couldn't believe he lost Cobb County.  He lost Cobb County in 2016.

The talk now with the Washington Mainstream Media folks is Trump is a shoo-in for the GOP nomination in 2024. I can think some people that want Trump to take another swing at it:  The Mainstream Media, comedians, Democrats, and Stephen Colbert.  He gave them so much to talk about.

I think Republicans want somebody new in 2024.  I mean, we bought the World Of Trump and we got the t-shirt.  Do we want to go back?

I don't see it.  What I do see is Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida.  DeSantis is from a middle-class background but graduated from one of those hoity-toity schools.  He was in the Armed Services.  He was born in 1978. Important historical fact: Biden was still in his first term as a senator and Trump was still married to his first wife when DeSantis was born.

Speaking of President Biden, I told everyone in 2020 that Biden was too old to be President.  I got that one right.

It is almost painful watching Biden trying to project being Presidential.   You may not have heard about a speech he gave when he signed an executive order where he repeated the teleprompter instruction like Ron Burgandy.  Oh, if only Johnny Carson were alive today. 

 

Biden's poll numbers are low.  How low are they?  They are so low that some Democrats (i.e., their wealthy donors) want Pete Buttigieg to replace Biden on the Democratic ticket.

Despite the fact that never in U.S. history has a Secretary of Transportation ever won the White House, much less a party's nomination for President, the idea that they would consider throwing Kamala Harris under the bus is astonishing. 

Kamala Harris is a person whose resume looked real good but her performance has been so-so, at best.  Still, you wouldn't deny her the nomination if Biden retires to the Old President's  Home. Would you?

And for Pete Buttigieg?  I know he was the mayor of the fourth largest city in Indiana, but his performance with the supply chain crisis has shown me that maybe he should have stayed in South Bend.

We have a problem with air travel. Apparently, we have a pilot shortage.  U.S. commercial airline pilots are forced to retire at 65 years old.

When Neil Cavuto suggested to Buttigieg that maybe the retirement rule be temporarily waived since there has been so much disruption of air travel during the 4th of July holiday.

Buttigieg said, "That regulation is there for safety reasons".  He went on to say, "I haven't seen any piece of information or data that would suggest that the reasoning has changed. And so I'm going to look at other steps that are not affecting safety."

The President of The United States is almost 80 years and he has direct access to nuclear codes.   I think that is a safety issue.

Additionally, it doesn't bother Buttigieg that school-aged children ride in buses with drivers over 65 years old. That seems to me to be a safety issue, too.

Isn't it ironic that this form of prejudice is tolerated?  When a pilot is 64, he can fly the friendly skies.  But one month later, when he is 65, he has to retire, or he might fly the Miami passengers to Detroit or into the side of a mountain.

So who do I think is going to win the Presidential election in 2024?  Who knows?

Sometimes we just close our eyes and pull one out of a hat.

 

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

The first word I ever learned how to spell was "vacation".  I'm not lying.

That's because my mother had a record by Connie Francis. She was a girl singer in the post-Elvis, Pre-Beatles era of rock and roll and one of her hit songs was "Vacation".

"V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N, we're going to have a ball", is what she sang, and I learned to spell "vacation" from that.   I also learned how to spell Mississippi from a song that spelled "Mississippi," and soon it was easy as pumpkin pie, except as a 63 year old, I still have to sing it.

This year, we took our first post-pandemic vacation.  We went to "The Redneck Riviera": Panama City Beach, Florida (PCB).

Panama City Beach is in the panhandle of Florida. It is about a six-hour drive from Atlanta. I think. We used the travel app WAZE, which is supposed to give you the best and quickest route to your destination. 

I don't know about that.  It took us through downtown Dothan, Alabama.  You know those quaint Southern towns with neat downtowns where everybody drinks coffee and apologizes for being a Southerner. Well,  Dothan does not have that. 

It also took us on a two-lane Alabama state highway that went through a couple of pastures and a chicken barn.  Somehow, and don't ask me how, we got stuck behind a student truck driver.  I think truck driving is a noble profession, and the Lord knows how many great country songs it has inspired.   However, when you get behind a student truck driver on a two-lane Alabama road, it will add some time to your trip. 

We made the Florida state line and looked forward to the free orange juice the State of Florida would give travelers at the Welcome Center.  Well, no free orange juice from the State of Florida, but the Welcome Center kept the bathrooms open.  

From there it was short drive to Panama City Beach.  My wife and I last went there in 2008. Things have changed.

The dinky Mom and Pop no-tell Motels are gone.  Some people have fond memories of these places like my wife. Her family went to Panama City Beach for vacations and stayed at these dumps places.  

My parents were not from Atlanta so we went to either Johnson City, Tennessee or Grenada, Mississippi for vacation. Neither one had a beach.

There is a lot of construction going on in Panama City.  Hurricane Michael hit in October of 2018 and did a lot of damage. But I'm happy to say Pineapple Willy's survived and it is going strong 

Front Beach Road is the main drag and it has construction, too. I'm not sure if it will be bigger and better, but I'm sure it was be finished by the next century.

There is a lot of traffic because there are a lot of people who want to come here aand swim in the ocean.

The problem was we had several double Red flag days.  Here are the meanings of the beach flags

Green:  Alan can enter the water.

Yellow: Alan can enter but he may end up in Destin if he doesn't pay attention

Red:  Alan will die if he enters the water.

Double Red:  Alan will die if he looks at the ocean.

So, in other words, the weather didn't cooperate with our plans. One day was a complete wash out. But that's okay because we went shopping at a large store that sold a lot of knick-knacks and t-shirts that had off-color sayings printed on them.

Shopping is a big thing at PCB because they tore down the old amusement park ("Tetanus City")  and built a shopping plaza called "Pier Park" which is "the Emerald Coast's premier shopping, dining and entertainment complex".  It has (hold on to your seat) a Target.  OMG! You can buy something at Target just like you do at home. 

Fortunately, we didn't go to Pier Park. We did go out to eat, which is another big thing at PCB.

Mini-Reviews of The Restaurants

Hooters.  We went to Hooters the first night because everybody and their momma was at Pineapple Willie's.  Aside from all of their, uh, you know. full bosomed young ladies taking your order and stuff, it was semi-wholesome.  I had a really good hamburger. The waitperson was Tiffany or Crystal and I'm sure she is going to Florida State to be a surgeon.

Pineapple Willy's:  Pineapple Willie's is at the end (or the beginning) of Thomas Drive and it just happens to be were all of the young people are at if they are not at Pier Park. I had chicken fingers and my son and his wife bought a t-shirt. The waitperson was Tyler or Taylor and he is in school majoring in muscles and getting tattoos on those muscles

Angelo's Steak Pit:  Angelo's is a good quality steak house in PCB.  I like Angelo's steaks better than Longhorn's.  The waitstaff no longer wears polyester. Our waitperson appeared to be divorced.

Sharkey's:  We ate on the patio and it was very windy. Good view of the ocean and my shrimp were incredible.  Our waitperson was Kara or Cara and had as many tats are Tyler/Taylor.  I'm pretty sure she has sung in a rock band somewhere in her life.

Another place I can't remember the name:  It was Mary Lou's  or something.  It was off the beach and seemed like a place locals hang out.  I had BBQ and it was very good.   I didn't catch my waitpersons name but she sounded like she knew Boris and Natasha.

All in all, we had a very pleasant vacation and we are planning next year's trip. Maybe the State of Florida will give us orange juice again.

Gerald R. Biden

 

History repeats itself. Sort of. Kind of.

Just for the record, not once in my studies as a history major did I have a professor say, "History repeats itself".  If so, I would have asked, "Is this going to be on the test?" They would have said yes, and the test would be two questions over something else entirely different.

But it does seem the past couple of years reminds me of another decade:  The 70s.

 

Civil unrest: Check

Uncontrolled inflation: Check

Leaders that when you look at them, you say, "Really?!": Check

Gas prices going through the roof: Check

A pandemic:  No, not unless you consider Disco a pandemic which I did.

So it is not a perfect analogy. But I think it is pretty close when it comes to our current Commander In Chief.

 

Brief historical recap.  The 70s started with President Richard "Milhous" Nixon as President.

He was a gifted, brilliant statesman that was distrusted because he could be a mean lying skunk.  He also was so paranoid that it seemed like he ate a plateful of those special brownies the hippies made.

 

But, as a poster said back then, "Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you".  For various reasons, the Democrats and the News Media were out to get Nixon. In true Nixon fashion, he did everything he could to help them out. 

While cruising to a landslide victory against George McGovern, Nixon ordered a break-in on The Democratic National Headquarters at The Watergate Hotel. He then ordered a cover-up.  If you think they make a big deal about things now, you have no idea how much a big deal Watergate was back then.  

In the middle of all this, a separate investigation found Vice President Agnew was accepting kickbacks and bribes. He resigned, and Nixon appointed House Minority Leader Gerald R. Ford to replace Agnew.

 

Soon Nixon resigned, and Ford became President.

At first, all was right with the world. Ford made his own breakfast! Then he pardoned Nixon.

Ford was seen in a new light.  He was no longer Ordinary Jerry and so dog-gone normal but instead just another politician who always made the wrong decision.

Inflation was terrible back then, so the brilliant people at The White House decided inflation could be beaten by wearing a " WIN " button for "Whip Inflation Now".  (In my best Morgan Freeman impression) inflation was not whipped.

South Vietnam fell and Americans were treated to pictures of people trying to crowd onto helicopters leaving Saigon. 

Meanwhile, back home, Ford tripped and fell, was in a car accident, had a gun whipped out on him by a member of The Manson Family, and was shot at by someone else. 

 

Of course, the news media and comedy shows took the position that Ford was a former NCAA Division One athlete and that everyone trips, has accidents, and other incidents.

Just kidding.  Ford's falls and mishaps became a punch line for America's comedy writers, and he practically made the career of Chevy Chase.  (Humor Me, 4/3/21:https://manisville.blogspot.com/2021/04/when-chevy-became-jerry.html)

America's pundits weighed in too.  The trips symbolized Ford's presidency and showed Ford to be the incarnation of The Peter Principal.

I thought about President Ford when I read the Twitter reaction to President Biden's slow-motion bike accident.

Those on my side of the river said it represents Biden's administration.  The other side said, "HE'S 79".  HE'S OUT RIDING A BICYCLE.  TRUMP JUST RUNS HIS MOUTH.

It really isn't a big deal. People have bike accidents every day.  However, you can't say this past year has given you any confidence that Biden can run the country any better than he rides a bicycle.

He thinks yelling is persuasion.  Inflation was "transitory."  There's a labor shortage. The supply chain issues include baby formula and my CPAP machine.

Gas prices going up which isn't a President's fault when there is a (D) beside the name but is when there is an (R) beside the name.  No big whoop, everybody just needs to go out and get an electric car.  Makes sense to me.

His handling of the pull out of Afghanistan?  It made the pull-out of Saigon look organized.

You're not terrible if you think the President's little boo-boo is the perfect analogy of his performance in office.

Some of us have long memories and remember the same arguments used about President Ford.

If you don't think these arguments apply to President Biden, Jerry's ghost would like a word with you.

 

Top Gun: Maverick. The Ten Cent Review

 

I haven't checked the reviews of the boffo megahit movie Top Gun Maverick, but I am willing to bet somebody wrote, "catch a ride to the Danger Zone and see Tom Cruise in Top Gun: Maverick."

Mrs. Blog and I went to a local theater in Acworthsaw or Kenneworth (that area on Cobb Parkway that is sort of Kennesaw and sort of Acworth) to see Top Gun: Maverick mainly because all our friends said it was cool.

When we got to the theater, we saw there was a gang there:  Red Hat Ladies.

These are members of a global organization that changes women's lives every day by wearing red hats and walking around naked in public.

Just kidding about the naked part.  It is a "playgroup" for older women who have given all of their lives to the ungrateful group known as "their family" and now want to have some fun with other gals.  Men have something similar but it is called "a bar" where they go and "drink".

Because this is the modern age, we had to choose our seats before buying our tickets.  There were only two seats next to each other that were not in the front of the auditorium.  Believe me, you do not want to sit that close to the screen for this movie.

We found our seats thirty minutes before the movie was about to start. We were the only ones there. 

Soon, however, the Red Hat Ladies started strolling in to find their seats.  You can imagine fourteen elderly women trying to find their seats and hold on to their popcorn. Part of this play date was everyone telling everybody else they were sitting in the wrong seats. 

Soon after a series of commercials featuring people telling you to go to the doctor, the "previews" or "trailers" started. First, there was a preview of a movie about Thor, which for some reason, my wife liked, and a preview of a film about Elvis, which has Tom Hanks playing Col. Tom Parker.

Before the movie started, we were treated to an address by Tom Cruise, who thanked us for coming to the theater to see the movie.  Imagine  Hollywood thanking their customers for seeing a movie instead of going into lecture mode and telling them they are a bunch of redneck mouth breathers.  

One guy in front of me said, "Thanks, Tom Cruise".   The Red Hat Ladies blew Tom kisses.

In Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise reprises his role as "Actor People Like" in the sequel of a movie made in the mid-80s.  Ah yes, in the mid-'80s when people listened to Kenny Loggins records.  Today, he would have been named Lil KenLo, and "Danger Zone" would have featured a ten-minute rap about what he is wearing in the jet. 

If you remember the original Top Gun, you remember that Tom Cruise played a cocky Navy fighter pilot that liked to break the rules and cut footloose with an Amish civilian instructor.  In between, his flight antics were partly responsible for the death of Meg Ryan's husband, Goose. 

In Top Gun: Maverick, Maverick is still breaking all the rules and crashing airplanes. So, the Navy decides to send him to TOP GUN school so he can teach the newest generation of  douches Top Gun pilots

Things have changed in Fighter Town. The commander is Admiral Don Draper. He doesn't like Maverick because he is almost as good-looking.

You'll be happy to know the douches pilots are diverse and it even includes a guy wearing glasses. I didn't think guys with glasses could become pilots.

They still have their call signs. One is "Gender Equity". Another is "Binary". But the most interesting one is "Goose's Son" played by a guy that looks like Goose. OMG!

Maverick trains the pilots how to use The Force. Strike that, wrong sequel. He trains the pilots on this very difficult assignment that has no chance of success. 

In between, Maverick reignites a love affair with someone he met after the Amish civilian instructor (the actress had the nerve to grow older and fatter).  The new love is Jennifer Connelly, who is easy on the eyes.  When Tom and Jennifer started to get it on, several of the Red Hat ladies passed out from the vapors.

Top Gun: Maverick is a very enjoyable movie.  It won't win awards but it is a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

A word of warning:  Do not get a big soft drink before the movie or you'll be running with the Red Hat ladies to bathroom when it is over.