A Sleep Study

 

For several years, I've heard these words daily:

WAKE UP!

My darling, lovely wife spoke these words.  It always happened after supper, when we were watching TV.  It didn't matter what was on. The Super Bowl. The World Series. Stranger Things. Nekkid And Anxious In The Woods. I would just simply, gradually, fall asleep. 

It really wasn't a big deal, except with my sleeping came very LOUD snoring as you would see in  cartoons. Sawing logs doesn't even begin to describe it.

My wife taped it once; I must admit, it was awful.  

However, it wasn't the worst. That would be from somebody I'll call Big Ron to protect his identity.

Once, when our sons were "little," the church had a retreat for the boys and their dads.  My son and I shared a cabin with Big Ron, his son, and some other lads with dads.

As soon as the lights went out, a noise came from where Big Ron had bunked. I cannot describe this noise except to say it sounded like a combination of a nuclear explosion and an angry bull.  I thought he was joking. Nope.  He was sound asleep.

I just thought I had become a smaller, more handsome version of Big Ron and developed a snore. But, hey, my wife married me for better or worse, and I thought the snoring qualified as the "or worse" part.

As the years went by, my wife would suggest that I mention it to my doctor because the snoring and the falling asleep were symptoms of a condition called Sleep Apnea.

Sleep Apnea is when your Apnea falls asleep. You need to have alert Apnea, particularly when driving in Atlanta.

Actually, Sleep Apnea is "a serious sleeping disorder when your breathing starts and stops while you slumber" (WebMD). It differs from regular snoring because of the breathing stopping and starting thing. 

The symptoms of Sleep Apnea are Nuclear Sonic Snoring, pausing for breath, choking or gasping, and restlessness.  Another symptom is your wife waking you up and telling you that you are snoring. 

Other signs of Sleep Apnea are Sleepiness during the day, restless sleep, sore throat, forgetfulness, and something else I forgot.  

If you have any of these symptoms, you must go to your PCP (primary care physician), so he/she can refer you to a pulmonary specialist because your insurance says this is cost-effective. 

Once at the pulmonary specialist office, you will meet the pulmonary specialist so the pulmonary specialist can order you a "sleep study," which is something only a doctor can do because the insurance says this is cost-effective.

My pulmonary specialist  (Dr. Hurt-really, that's her name) ordered my sleep study. Back in the olden days, you would have to go to the hospital and do it.  But today, they send a little gadget that you can put on your finger when you go to bed. 

The gadget must be attached to a finger on your non-dominant hand. If you are right-handed, like me, that means your left hand.   For some reason, you cannot wear jewelry when using this gadget to do a sleep study.  

I wear only one piece of jewelry-my wedding ring. Unfortunately, I could not get my wedding ring off. We tried everything, so I pleaded with the after-hours nurse to let me do the study on my dominant hand or let me do it with my wedding ring.

They allowed me to do the study on my non-dominant hand that had the wedding ring. Then, a week or so later, I had surgery: a wedding ringectomy performed by a local jeweler. 

My test showed that I had moderate to severe sleep apnea, and my doctor said I had three options:

• A continuous positive airway pressure device (CPAP).
• Surgery.
• Some type of device that a Dental Surgeon has to make.

I went for the CPAP because it was more cost-effective, and I knew it would make me popular with the insurance company because they are into that saving money thing. 

My doctor cautioned me that something was going on about "the supply chain," which was working fine and dandy until 2020 appeared. Unfortunately, this meant there would be a "delay" in receiving my CPAP machine.   

That was the Monday after the Super Bowl.

The day after the Fourth of July, I noticed I hadn't received my CPAP machine. I called the doctor's office.  Lo and behold, the supply chain found a CPAP machine and I had to schedule an appointment to pick up my machine.

I went to pick up my machine. The office had several workers, including a  gentleman who has a CPAP machine and his wife loves it!

A guy was assigned to teach me the ropes of a CPAP machine.   Rule one: Press this button.

As my wife would say, it was so simple even Alan could do it. 

Now I am a man with a CPAP machine.  My results have been good, I guess. I sleep through the night, and my wife hasn't heard me snore.  I haven't fallen asleep watching television either.

 

My Apnea is awake.