My Remarks

I was one of the speakers at the Wheeler High School Class of 1977 40 Year Class Reunion.  Here are most of my remarks, with footnotes, added, in italics.

Welcome to the 40 year Reunion of The Class of 1977!  You're here! You've made it! Give yourself a hand!

I’m Alan Manis and I’ll be your fun facilitator for tonight. We’re going to have some fun and there will be some audience participation.

Speaking of audience participation….I want to do a little ice breaker.  Please stand if you have ever Rolled a house  or Rolled a joint.   (I made a little mistake here. Instead of first instructing the class to listen and then let everyone respond at the same time, I said "Rolled a house" and immediately most of the entire room stood up.   Then they sat down.  I went ahead and said "Rolled a joint" and several people-and this is the only way I can describe it-proudly stood up.)  

This explains everything, Mr. Hines!  (Marietta Daily Journal columnist Roger Hines who was a teacher at Wheeler in the '70's.)

People don’t realize how big of a thing it was for our class to roll a yard.  One house, I forget which one, had such an awesome roll job that it was featured in The Marietta Daily Journal.  And yes, I know the names of the individuals that did it. (My great, late friend Barry Suttle was involved in this roll job. He told me the names of other kids involved. He also told me about a 9th grade streaking incident. I know those names, too)

It was a status symbol.  I remember seeing one person (who is NOT here tonight) beg a leading “roller” (who I won't name except to say his name rhymes with Terry Tibble) to roll her house.  Yes, it was a status symbol until the rolled person’s dad made them clean up the mess.

Of course, all of us know why we have class reunions.  We want to see how awful and old looking our classmates have become!  And Bill Bergin, what happened?  (The joke here is this guy still looks like a million bucks.)   Just joking.  You still look great.    On top of that, we don’t need class reunions to see how bad people look, we have Facebook. (I'm not sure I actually said this sentence. If I didn't, I should have.)

Your reunion committee worked at the 40-year reunion of the Class of ’76 last year. Let me tell you, they were old looking.  At the check-in table, we gave them their name tag and a Medicare Advantage card. (Just joking)

I’m not saying they were old, but the most commonly heard phrase was "I've fallen and I can't get up!"  The second most commonly heard phrase was "Huh?" "What?"  (Just joking again, '76)

 

I’m not saying they were old, but one guy asked me where he could score a dime bag of Metamucil (Again, just a joke.)

Wow, 40 years.  Can you believe it?  It seems like yesterday I was listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd on my stereo.  Wait, that was yesterday.  Man, I’ve got to update my playlist. (It took three people to write this joke.)

Did you have any concept in 1977 of what you would be like in 2017? Back then, I had a hard time conceiving 40 minutes into the future much less forty years. 

Things were different in 1977. When my son was in high school, his school at Coke machines.   We had THE WATER FOUNTAIN. It came in one flavor: Water!  And we liked it! We loved it!  (I told my son that and he said, “Okay”.)

Our parents had it tough. THEY WALKED TO SCHOOL, THROUGH THE SNOW. It was UPHILL!  BOTH WAYS.  Then when they got to school, they found out the School had moved to….three miles down the road.

Most of our parents had tough lives growing up in the Depression, WWII, and Korea.  They didn’t get toys for Christmas. They got dirt. And it was the best dirt ever!

This is the toughest thing we could tell our kids: We had to GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND TURN A KNOB TO CHANGE CHANNELS ON THE TV SET. You only have four or five channels at best! And there was no DVR. If you missed that episode of “Happy Days”, you know, the one where Mrs. C tells Fonzie to “sit on it”, well, too bad. You had to wait until summer to see it. But we liked, we loved it

If I had a Time Machine, I would definitely go back to 1977.  

 

I would find 1977 Alan and tell him one thing: YES, YOU WILL GET SOME ACTION.

By the way, I was at our 5-year reunion and someone walked up to me and said, “So. Have you gotten laid, yet?”  There must have been some sort of pool about GUYS WHO WOULD NEVER GET ANY.   "I've got Manis, no sooner than Christmas Day, 1989"  (Afterwards, several classmates approached me saying they were happy I got laid.)

Looking back, I think we were an unusual class.  There were those of us who were born on the second floor of Kennestone Hospital. Then, I believe it was in 1972, we had a lot of kids move in from other places, primarily from the North, into the area. We were pretty diverse for a bunch of white kids.

Although a lot of us are not natives of Marietta, we have a lot in common.  We went up the same hill on Holt Road, walked through the same doors, walked the same halls, saw the same people, sat in the same desks and looked out of the same windows and we all knew the same thing.  We all knew where the “lie-berry” was.

Yes, good old Mr. Hipsher.  Incidentally, my son’s fourth grade teacher was Mr. Hipsher’s daughter-in-law.  I spent every parent-teacher conference trying to get her to say “lie-berry”. (Mr. Hipsher had a Southern accent and pronounced "library" as "lie-berry")  “When Ben has a project, you take him to…”  “The Media Center”.   “No, that’s not the word I was thinking of.”

I really feel sorry for Mr. Hipsher because being a Vice Principal in the70’s had to be the pits. You were always dealing with the bad kids.

Like the time I was sent to the office.  First of all, it was not my fault, it was Chris Moody’s fault.

    

Secondly, my “crime” was “eating lunch at the wrong time”.  We left class early and went to lunch. 

We got the note to see Mr. Hipsher in 6^th period.  When we got in there, Chris sat directly in front of him and I sat off to the side.  Mr. Hipsher, literally, lit into Chris like a drill instructor or Nick Saban when you miss a block. 

“Kras. Beall tole me what you boys did.  Yew just cain’t make up yer on rools” and this went on for about 10 minutes.  Everything was “skool” and “Yew” and the importance of “followin’ rools”

“Kras. Why yew wanna dew sumpthin like this?  Yew represented the skool  real well in that math tournament”. (Chris was part of the math team which won an tournament bringing great honor to the school).   “Whadda ya think the other skools will thang when they hear about this.”  (I was thinking, “How would they know?”).

He then said, “Kras, Imma ashamed of yew.”  Then he looked at me and said.  “Yew too, boy”.

Now I interrupt this story for a very important footnote.  At that time, you could not have detention after school. It had to be before school.  Chris, being smart, had a class before school started. They wanted to challenge the “smart kids” because it was bad to bore a smart kid.  Us dumb kids had the “window” that we could look out.  And since Chris was in this class, he could not have detention.

Mr. Hipsher was beside himself. “Kras, what would yew dew if yew were me? What punishment dew yew deserve?"

Now, Chris said, in all seriousness, “I think detention would be appropriate”.

I looked at him and almost said a real bad word.  Detention for eating lunch?  How am I going to explain that to Inez?  My mom drummed it into my head,  “Alan I know you’re not smart, but you can at least behave”).

Mr. Hipsher looked at Chris and then looked at the ceiling. And said, “Naw, you boys go back to class, I don’t everwant to see you again”.

Since graduation, I think our class has done some wonderful things. One classmate is considered a leading expert in infant crib death in Europe. Another  won the 1986 PGA Championship. Off the top of my head, we have a couple of lawyers and a Canadian judge. We have three or four pastors. Pam Stone had a successful career in stand-up comedy and was on a TV show. Danny Simpson has written hit songs and some incredible comedy for the late Tim Wilson. We’ve had several teachers and one was Cobb County Teacher of The Year.  One classmate is considered a leading designer of golf courses in the county.  One classmate got his Ph.d before our 5 year reunion. We have several in IT.  We have at least two doctors and a veterinarian. And I have spoken with Eddie Van Halen’s mother in law.

(After this, I introduced Mr. Hines.  I'm including because it was one of the honors of my life to introduce Roger Hines.)

I went to school for 12 years in Cobb County. My four year degree took six years to obtain. Plus, I went back to school for a year one time. So that is 19 years worth of education and I would have to say Roger Hines was the best educator I’ve ever encountered. After we graduated, he made his way up to North Cobb to teach. He’s retired now, but he has served in the Ga House of Representatives. He ran for Congress.  He’s now a columnist for the Marietta Daily Journal.  It is my great pleasure to introduce The Grammar Hammer himself, Roger Hines.

After Mr. Hines spoke (and it was great), I introduced the ladies I served on The Reunion Committee. I 'm including it here because of the great work they did. Plus, I wanted to prove to Terri Sabo that I did include her.

I would like recognize the members of The Reunion Committee.  Denise Dickson Younker (she’s got to do this next year); Cynthia Killingsworth Fortenberry (she did the Power Point); Carol Wright Underwood (who helped with our finances); Meg Pittard Daniels (who has been married, as of last week, for 39 years), Sweet Debi Casto Kelly (who knows just everybody); Terri Sabo (who printed our name tags and got Cobb County to pay for it);  Sandy Dasinger Quarles (whoever does this next time has to have Sandy’s help because she understands Pay Pal) Lori Stanley Manis ( who is not in our class, but is the hottest member of our bunch and I’m not just saying that because lets me sleep with her). The leader of this rag-tag bunch of goofballs was Lisa Eubanks Dorner. If there is anybody who loves you more than I do it is her. Finally, one of our members passed this last April, our buddy, Barry Suttle, who is represented here by his son Eric.

 

This Week's Picks!

A little of bit of news from Picks Central.

First of all, This Week's Picks will be taking a brief hiatus from this award winning blog. When I say brief, I mean, a couple of weeks. Do not reach for the Xanax.

I will be out of town next week, but I will do a truncated This Week's Picks on my Facebook page. That just happens to be the weekend of the UGA-Tennessee  game, which is always one of my favorite games of the year.

I plan to do a blog about my trip in the first week of October. So, that means another TWP on my Facebook page.

The second week of October is up in the air.  My high school class reunion is that week and I  have to prepare some remarks to entertain my fellow Wheeler alumni.  Here's what I have so far.

"Cafeteria food. Yuck. Am I right?"

"Things were better back then. Not like now. Yuck".

"What's up with the Dewey Decimal System?"

"These kids today with their Hip and Hoppin music."

"My daddy taught me to believe in two things: The First Amendment and boobs".

So, you can see I some more work to do. I might be able to post TWP  here, but it might have to go on Facebook.   In any event, I ask for your patience and just realize I can jinx a team just as well on Facebook as I can here.


This Week's Picks!



Dawgs vs Other Dawgs:  Remember the misty water colored memories of last month when you hadn't given two seconds of a thought to the Georgia-Mississippi State game?  Good times.  I guess when I saw this game on the schedule, I just figured UGA would win . Now, after seeing what State did to LSU, I'm not so sure. They are more settled at quarterback than Georgia and plus their coach is probably the second best coach in the conference. I know that might not be saying much, but it is true.   On top of everything else, I know a ton of  MSU alumni. Lucky me.   Mississippi State wins

Bees vs Kitty Cats from Pittsburgh:  It has been a while since we have seen the smiling face of Paul Johnson roaming the sidelines, looking for some 18 year old freshman to blame for a loss. Pitt just isn't a very good team. Tech should win this game. They will.  Tech wins.

Bama vs Commode Doors: Another game, another Tweet by a Alabama fan complaining about the performance of the guys that squirt the Gatorade into the players mouth. "How n the hale can we win nuther NAT'L CSHIP W/OUT PROPER HYDRATION! LAME".  Vanderbilt's coach Derek Mason is doing the Lord's work in the devil's vineyard, but it's not enough.  Bama wins.

I know this isn't about football, but it is a great redneck meme

Wartigers vs Misery:  Here's a question for you.  Which state in the union has the most cows?  Mooooooosouri (Missouri).  Get it?   Missouri is having one of those years: bad.  Auburn should be better than they are, but they seem like they are stuck in second gear.  Auburn should be able to easily handle Missouri. Hey, it's not like they are Mercer or something. Auburn wins 

It is Five O'Clock Somewhere vs Who's Your Momma:  Did you know that the famous blues singer Blind Willie McTell was from Statesboro, the home of Georgia Southern University. McTell wrote the song Statesboro Blues, which oddly enough is about Georgia Southern's season this year.  The Eagles have only played two games, but they haven't looked good at all. The coach seems a  little out of it, also. In any event, this is a money game. A couple of years ago, Georgia Southern could have possibly beat Indiana. They won't this year.   Indiana wins.

Nobody could sing the blues like Blind Willie McTell

This Week's Picks

This week started out pretty rough. Hurricane Irma hit Florida and left it in a mell of a hess as we Baptists say.  It was so bad that Georgia Tech canceled their game with the University of Central Florida. When was the last time you ever heard of a football game being canceled?

Irma was a "tropical storm" when it hit the Atlanta area. It caused a lot of trees to fall. This means power lines were knocked out. This means homes were left without electricity.

Everywhere except where I live in Cobb County.  The wind blew and it rained but nobody lost trees in my neighborhood. My power stayed on during the entire storm. While all of Atlanta was sitting in the dark, I was at Lowe's picking out tile for my wife's bathroom.

Sorry.

Funny, every time I hear about a hurricane, I think about Jimmy Buffett's "Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season".


           Squalls out on the gulf stream, big storm coming soon
           I passed out in my hammock
          God, I slept till way past noon.
           I stood up and tried to focus, I knew I wouldn't have to look far
           I knew I could use a Bloody Mary,
           So I stumbled next door to the bar. 


There's a lot of people in Texas and Florida trying to reason with Hurricane season. We need to remember them with our prayers and financial support.  Sermon's over.




This Week's Picks!




Big Bad Bulldogs vs Baptist Bulldogs: Just in case you didn't hear, UGA went up to South Bend and beat (by one point)  mighty highfalutin Notre Freakin' Dame.  Anytime anyone beats the Passive-Aggressive Irish (they no longer "fight" since they had an intervention), it is a time of great rejoicing. Particularly this time, when Jawja didn't seem to melt underneath the big lights. They are hosting Samford, which beat my beloved Owls in the longest game ever in the history of college football (technically, it is still being played.)   UGA is just too big.  Georgia wins.

 


Rocky Topped vs Reptiles:  To me, the Tennessee-Florida game really begins the football season. Tennessee somehow beat Georgia Tech while Florida looked bad in the ONE GAME WE WANTED THEM TO LOOK GOOD IN.  I guess Florida is the "better" team. But I'm not sure. I'm going out on a limb and picking Tennessee, but you know, whatever.  Tennessee wins.

Rock Rubbing Tigers vs Lousyville:  Another Confession-I've never really cared for Clemson that much.  I don't get the Orange and Purple stuff. And rubbing the rock as you run down hill. What is that about?  (That is a rhetorical question-please don't answer it.)   However, I really want Clemson to win because Louisville is coached by the spawn of Satan (the real one), Bobby Petrino.  Do you realize Lousiville is Petrino's third coaching job since he left the Falcons ten years ago?  The Lord will answer my prayers and smite Bobby Petrino.   Clemson wins

Ellesyew vs Other Bulldogs:  Here's a story from the History of The State of Louisiana  textbook that all of the seventh graders study in Baton Rouge.  "Years ago, when Boudreaux was a college freshman, being fresh off the farm, and a rather healthy young man, he figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch dis," Boudreaux told him, and proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"  "Sure I can run," said Boudreaux. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" exclamed the excited coach. "But can you pass a football?" Boudreaux rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds.  "Coach," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."   LSU wins

My Beloved Owls vs The Hornets:  If you remember, a couple of weeks ago, an influential Kennesaw State backer, advised President Olens to revoke my diploma because I picked Samford to defeat Kennesaw State.  I am happy to report my diploma is still on the wall.   It will be safe for at least another week.  Kennesaw State wins.

This Week's Picks!

It is not a coincidence that people have been looking forward to this college football season.

For one thing, have you gone to the movies lately?  No?  Well, you're not alone because this summer has been terrible for Hollywood, box office-wise.

There are several reasons for this. One, the movies suck. Two, the movies suck.  Three, the movies suck bad. Four, the movies based on comic books really suck.

This is how bad it is:  my wife and I went to see Despicable Me 3.  Okay, it is a cartoon, but at least it wasn't a sequel to a movie based on a Disney World ride or anything out of "The Marvel Universe".

We missed the matinee. We had to pay the full ticket price. Fortunately, there were loan officers available and we qualified for a Home Equity Line of credit so we could see the movie and get some popcorn.

Verdict:  Despicable Me 3 was okay. Too much Steve Carrell. Not enough Minions.

This Week's Picks!



Our Puppies vs Our Lady:  Generally, UGA doesn't play a marquee game until the last couple of weeks of September. But this time, uncharacteristically, The Dawgs are playing The Fighting Ethnic Stereotypes in South Bend.  Georgia's starting quarterback, Jacob Eason, got hurt in the App State game. Here's what Paul Finebaum says:  "That's a big blow," (Easton's injury). "His replacement, Jacob Fromm was playing high school football a year ago. He's very talented. But Eason won big games last year. He won two on the final possession. Trust me, I am bald headed and wear glasses"   Not to argue with Paul Finebaum, but Eason lost big games last year, too.  Eason was the tenth out of the twelve ranked quarterback last year in the SEC. Sure, you want someone with experience playing in a "big game" like this, but I'm not sure it would make a difference one way or another this year as long as Chubb and Michel are there. Dawgs win.

Wrecked vs Gaming Birds From The Mythical State of Jacksonville:  The Bees welcome Jacksonville State, which is neither in Jacksonville or is a state. You never know about JSU. They gave Auburn fits a couple of years ago. But I just don't see Tech losing this game, but then again, they had 535 rushing yard against Tennessee and still lost.  Tech wins

Georgia Tech Coach Paul Johnson, Tuesday Morning.

 War Eagletigers vs Orange Tigers: The Whatever they are called this week from Auburn travel to The 2016 NCAA Champions Clemson Tigers. Here's a joke for you: Q. What do the Auburn Tigers and Billy Graham have in common?  A: They both can make 75,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.   That's the kind of knee slapping humor you've come to expect from This Week's Picks.  Auburn whooped up on Georgia Southern last week.  Clemson killed Kent State (which is not a state, either).  I just think Clemson is a better than Auburn.  Clemson wins



Sooner or Later, You'll Leave Oklahoma vs Ahia State. I have never liked either one of these schools (Oklahoma or Ohio State). I'm not sure why. They never did anything to me. I've known alumni from both schools and they were very nice people. By the way, did you hear how the Buckeye fan died from drinking milk?  The cow fell on him. (Or maybe that was the Oklahoma fan?)  Anyway, Ohio State wins.



The Place Where I Send My Parents Plus Loans vs The New Hampshire is Same As The Old Hampshire:  Georgia Southern (School Song: "Yes, I Guess, They Ought To Name A Drink After You") welcome the New Hampshire Snowplows Wildcats to Paulson Stadium. I would love to see the face of The New Hampshire players as they drive up from the Savannah airport. "What ahre these wicked swarhamin' things around my face?" The famous South Georgia gnats are Georgia Southern's  secret weapon.  Georgia Southern wins




My Beloved Owls vs Hillbilly Tech:  Last week, my beloved alma mater played the opening game of the season at Samford.  It had a twelve-hour storm delay (give or take a couple of hours). I picked Samford to win because my liberal arts edumacation at Kennesaw State taught me to look objectively at issues and base my conclusions on facts.   I got this response on Facebook from Caric Martin, who was recently elected to The Owls Sports Hall of Fame and whose father taught my Economics class. (I made a B, yeah come on.)  Caric said, "Alan, this is President Olens when I told him that an alumni had picked Samford to win. I suggested he revoke your diploma!"   Thanks, Caric, I knew I could count on you.  Owls win.

This Week's Picks!

It is that time of year again!  Time for our favorite professional sport, college football!

This marks the fifteenth year of "This Week's Picks".

It started on Wheeler Alumni. Com, which was a message board for the graduates of my alma mater, Wheeler High School.  I posted predictions on what I thought was the most interesting games and my fellow alumni would comment. Usually, their comments were along the lines of "You're stupid".

Due to something I never really understood, this message board went into hiatus for several years and I migrated  TWP (as it is known in the business) to Wheeler Alumni. Org another message board for the graduates of my high school. To my knowledge, it was the last Wheeler Alumni message board. There's not a Wheeler Alumni. Net or Wheeler Alumni. Gov.  Not yet, at least.

It was at.Org that I did my most ambitious TWP project.  I made predictions on all of the Bowl Games in 2007.  Do you know how many Bowl Games there were in 2007?  A lot and I got some of them right. Now I missed a lot, but I didn't care.  The reason I didn't care is I had what is clinically known as Heiney Surgery. You would be surprised how little you care about The Meineke Car Care Bowl when you have Heiney Surgery. (Wake Forest defeated Connecticut. I think I got that one right.)

TWP took another step forward when I added it to my blog (Humor Me) mainly because it counts as a weekly post.  In the first few years of my blog, TWP was one of my most commented on posts. Usually, again, it was "Your stupid"  (yes, I know, I misspelled "you're" but that's how we spell it nowadays)

Then, for some reason, I decided to move TWP to my Facebook page.  I received many comments to my Friday TWP Facebook post.  Mostly "U. R. Stoopid".

I finally brought it back to the blog where it belongs.

This Week's Picks!



Bullpuppies vs Crappy State: You could say Kirby Smart's first year as coach of UGA was a little bit disappointing, but give the guy credit: he guided the team back from a tough Nichols team!  The Dawgs start out with Appalachian State, who, if memory serves, stunned Michigan in the first game of the season in 2007.   Georgia better win. They will.  Georgia wins!


Bees vs Rocky Topped:  Coach Paul (Chuckles) Johnson leads The Wreck that Rambles into the new Please, Please Stay Falcons Stadium with a new quarterback and their best player being kicked off the team. This would be a problem if they were playing anybody else but Tennessee, who has not been exactly consistant over the past couple of years.   My rule of thumb: when the ACC plays the SEC, go with the SEC.  Tennessee wins!

Tide of Crimson vs Semi-noles  Remember those days when David Shula coached Bama and we were sure their glory days were behind them?  Good times.  Bama Coach Nick Satan has been planning for this game since  January 10th.  He has a process, you know.  Bama wins!

Wartigers vs The Blues of Statesboro:  Georgia Southern (motto: "I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow") travels to the loveliest village in the ugliest part of Alabama to pick up a pay check.  I wish The Eagles would make a game of it. They won't. Auburn wins.

Meechigan vs Lizards: Do you remember when people thought Jim Harbaugh was this real sharp guy? It's been a while. Anyway, Michigan plays Florida. Although I know many nice people that went to Florida, I dispise Florida, mainly because they always beat UGA. Michigan is a my favorite Big Ten team, even with Harbaugh.  I hate going with the Gators.  Florida wins!

 My Beloved Owls vs Baptist Bulldogs: Can you believe it is Kennesaw State's third football season? The Owls open their season against Samford, which supposedly houses a whole bunch of Baptists. Let us prey. Ha, Ha. See what I did there?   It would be a big deal if Kennesaw States wins. They won't.  Samford wins.

The Greatest Meme in the history of Memes

Josephine!

I think we can all agree that what happened in Charlottesville last week was a mess.

From the Neo-Nazis and J. Crew Ku Klux Klan kids to the Fascist Antifa to the Charlottesville Police being apparently at Dunkin Donuts to President Trump's attempt to calm the nation down by saying exactly the wrong words, it wasn't one of our brilliant, shining moments.

Could you imagine, Rev. Donald J. Trump, delivering a eulogy?

"Look, everybody knows the dearly departed drank way too much. His widow, look at her, she knows it. And he loved spending the family's rent money at the dog track.  Don't get me on his love for hookers. But, he was a great guy. Tremendous. Would do anything for you, if he was sober.  He leaves a wife, who isn't convincing anybody with those FAKE TEARS, a good for nothing son who needs a haircut, and a daughter who is really built." 

Apparently, all of this was started by marble. That's right, marble used for statues.

Charlottesville, which is home to The University of Virginia, decided to rename a park named after Confederate General Robert E. Lee and to remove his statue.  That brought out the Nazi Nuts (which used to open for The Dead Kennedys during the punk rock era) which brought out the Antifa (which stands for Anti-Fascists, and of course, their definition of fascism is very elastic).

In one of his many responses, President Trump noted that once you started tearing down statues of Robert E. Lee, people will soon go after George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.  To which, many said, "Thanks, we haven't thought about them!"

Of course, the Democratic Party, which should have the easiest job in the world (oppose whatever Trump supports) leaped into action. Forget about infrastructure!  Forget rising health insurance premiums. Forget North Korea!  We've got marble sculpted in the likeness of dead Southerners to get rid of!  Excelsior!

Last Thursday, our old pal Nancy Pelosi focused our attention on the hideous marble that lines Statutory Hall at the Capital.  Here's how The New York Times reported it with my comments parenthetically added.

“The Confederate statues in the halls of Congress have always been reprehensible", (If by "always" you mean you realized last week) Ms. Pelosi said, putting pressure on the House speaker, Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin, to act.(Which he did by wetting his pants)“If Republicans are serious about rejecting white supremacy, I call upon Speaker Ryan to join Democrats to remove the Confederate statues from the Capitol immediately.” (Which were put in by Democrats in the first place, but don't even think about that.)

The New York Times showed photographs of the offensive statues and one of them was personal to me:  Joseph E. Wheeler.

My high school was named for this Confederate General. (By the way, did you know that my class is having our 40-year reunion despite the fact that all of my female classmates are still "foxy"? )   I have a picture, somewhere, of my wife posing next to the statue.

Here's what you need to know about Fighting Joe.

He was the shortest general in The Confederate Army.  He used a step stool to get on his horse. In a battle against Grant's Union Forces, General  Ulysses S. Grant urged his men to kill Wheeler.  Grant said, "Shoot low boys, he's riding a Shetland pony".

After the war, Wheeler went back to his home state of Alabama. He was so moved by his return, he wrote a poem, "Sweet Home Alabama".

However, war clouds soon rose again, and Wheeler rejoined the Army and served as a General during The Spanish-American War.

Wheeler made a startling announcement when he returned home:  he announced he was going to identify as a woman because he wants to have a baby.   He began to wear a dress and referred to himself as "Josephine Wheeler".

A Broadway musical will open this fall about him:  "JOSEPHINE!"   (The playbill features a man with a beard wearing a 1905 dress doing a high kick.)

Most of the "facts" reported above are not true.  But, it is probably the only way his statue would be able to stay in Statutory Hall.

By the way, the part about him being the shortest general is true. It is not confirmed that he used a step stool to mount his horse.

Reunion FAQs

In case you didn't know, my class at Wheeler High School, the class of 1977 (Motto: "The Gum Of Yesterday Is Left Under The Desks Of Today For The Children Of Tomorrow") is having our 40-year class reunion.

You know what that means: reminiscing about our hard lives.

"Yeah, kids today, don't know what's it is like having to get your lazy rump off the couch to turn a knob to change a channel. It was rough back then. You only had three of them. ABC, NBC, and CBS. But we liked it. We loved it".

"Yeah, they don't know what's it is like NOT having a Dunkin Donuts and Baskin-Robbins at the same place."

"Yeah, back in my day you only had one type of coffee! Black! The way God designed it in the Bible. Not the four hundred types you have today. I don't even know what a Latte is-I hope I never find out".

I am a part of the Reunion Committee and we have been meeting monthly at a local down-home, meat and three restaurant ( Motto: "Pay No Attention To That Health Inspection Score") to organize the reunion.  I am happy to present a FAQ- Frequently Asked Questions regarding the reunion.


When:  It is October 14, 2017.  This is a Saturday.

Time:  7:00 pm - 11:00 pm

Where:  Hilton Atlanta Marietta Hotel and Conference Center, 500 Powder Springs Street. Marietta, GA 30064.     It is the same location as the 20-year reunion and the last place some of us tried, in 70's style, to "get down".

Pretty Snazzy

Cost: Tickets are $65.00 each UNTIL September 1st when the price will raise to...dun-dun. DUN...$70.00 a ticket.


GAH, I mean, GAH, why so much? GAH:  When looking for a place to have a reunion we were faced with several options. All of the options cost money. Frankly, a lot of the less expensive options were disappointing.  The cost includes the rental of the ballrooms and a NICE SIT DOWN MEAL.

Ballrooms?  Yes, one for the dinner and one for getting down or getting up to boogie.

Is there going to be a program?    Yes. I will be Your Grand Host (YGH) and there will be some remarks by The Grammar Hammer himself, Marietta Daily Journal columnist Roger Hines.

You?   Yes.  I have a long association with Wheeler High School. I lived across the street from it for 10 years. I was married in the church next door.  I have written a book that sold into the dozens about Wheeler. Plus, I sleep with someone on the committee. (It is my wife. GAH!  Get your minds out of the gutter. GAH!)

Wait. Your wife wasn't in The Class of 77.  Can members of other classes come?   As long as you buy a ticket, we welcome members of other classes. Unless, of course, you want to spread propaganda about how your class was as good or better, then you can keep your filthy lies to yourself.

Can I Bring My Spouse?  Yes, with a purchase of a ticket.  Your spouse will want to bask in the glory of The Class of '77.

Do You Have A Website?  Yes, it is www.whs77.org.  I would like to take this opprotunity to -thank Sandy Dasinger Quarles, who designed and operates the website. The website has a Paypal link, which all of the kids are using nowdays. Or you mail a check to Sandy at 1047 Ven Villa Road, Marietta, GA 30062

She Went To Georgia Tech?   Yep and it came in handy because the rest of us (UGA grads and one lone Kennesaw State grad) can barely operate a cell phone.

How Should We Dress?   Cobb County has strict laws regarding public middle aged nudity, so you must wear clothes.  The type of clothes to be worn is "Dressy Causal" .  No tuxedos, no evening dresses, etc, like The Acadmey Awards.  It also means you don't dress like you are going to Wal-Mart.

No

No

 No

No

Yes. This came from a website about "Dressy Causal"

Yes

Most Important of All: Will there be a bar?  Yes, there will be a cash bar. While I don't know exactly what they'll have, they will have the usual: beer, wine, etc. Not sure if you'll be able to order an Onery Moscow Mule, but there will be plenty of loudmouth soup available. 

So, there you have it gang. If you have any other questions, just ask me either on this page or on Facebook.

www.whs77.org