2022: The Longest Year

 

 Here we are at the end of 2022. Finally.

We should be thankful for the little things in 2022. Like when President Joe "Joe" Biden was wrong when he said we might be on the verge of a nuclear apocalypse.  The White House said the President misspoke, which the President has been known to do.  

We didn't have a nuclear apocalypse.  That's good.

But we did have supply chain issues with baby formula, but no big whoop, Future President Mayor Pete handled the situation when he returned to the office after using several months of PTO days.

Russia invaded Ukraine because it happens to be sitting right next to Russia.  Because this happened when a Democrat was President, all of these former hippies are pro-war, and all of the hawks of the Republican party are anti-war.

In political news, it was an election year. It didn't look good for President Grandpa.  Inflation is out of control. Crime is rampant on the streets. The border is overrun with people that want to be flown to Martha's Vineyard.  It had all of the elements of a wipe-out at the ballot box.

To unite the country,  President Pawpaw basically said everything would be okay if it weren't for those MAGA Republicans, who are, stop me if you have heard this, a threat to Democracy.

The President was assisted by former President Trump who is still a significant force in the Republican party despite being as crazy as a Betsy Bug. (Note:  I don't know exactly what a Betsy Bug is, but my mother always said they were crazy.)

Speaking of President Trump,  his house was raided or had a search warrant executed on it due to "The Presidential Records Act". This caused a commotion if you don't remember.  You had a great moment where Trump explained that he could declassify a classified document just by thinking about it and not telling anybody.

Against the background of the election determining whether Democracy was going to live or die, you had The House Select Committee To Review The January 6, 2021, Riot Featuring The Only Two Good Republicans.  They issued a report (surprise) recommending criminal charges against President Trump that included obstruction of an official proceeding of Congress, assisting an insurrection, conspiring to defraud the United States and having the most ridiculous hair in public life.

This helped the Red Wave become a Red Tinkle.  Also, the Republicans nominated several candidates that were as loony as Trump including Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker who brought to the forefront this issue:  Vampires or Werewolves? 

So Democracy was saved, once again, by Pennsylvania electing a cosplaying trust fund kid that has obviously been damaged by a stroke over Dr. "Oz" Oz.

It was not all good news for the Democrats. The most extraordinary living person in the world, Stacy Abrams, lost to the only politician that does not know how to smile, Brian Kemp. Ms. Abrams took it all in stride, and instead of denying the election results like a certain orange person, she returned to her job as President of Earth.

The most important event was not the Russian invasion of Ukraine or the Mid-Term Elections. Instead, it was Will Smith hard-slapping Chris Rock over a joke.   When this happened during the Oscar telecast, Smith was immediately arrested for assault and battery.

Wait, that's what would happen in the "real world".   After the slap, Smith took his seat and dropped a couple of major league F-bombs. Then he won the Best Actor award and was given a standing ovation by the audience, who feared he would slap them too. 

This resulted in Smith keeping his Oscar but being banned from attending any Academy programs for ten years, which is a reward, not a punishment.   

In sports news, The Georgia Bulldogs defeated The Alabama Crimson Tide to win the NCAA FBS Championship. The Angels rejoiced.

The Atlanta Braves debuted their 2021 World Series Rings, which weighed forty pounds and contained a miniature television.

We lost a lot of famous people in 2022:  Bob Segat, Meat Loaf, Sally Kellerman, Pope Benedict, Barbara Walters, Pele, Christie Alley, Bill Russell, and Queen Elizabeth, among many others.

However, none affected me more than the death of my friend Bill Wade.

I've written about it before, but the year slowed on the day in June when he called to say they found cancerous lesions on his pancreas that metastasized to his liver. The doctor gave him three to five months. Bill died in September.

He made chicken salad out of this chicken poop of a diagnosis. He got his affairs in order and told his loved ones and friends goodbye. This included my wife and me in September, about three weeks before he died.

So, 2022 was the year that Bill Wade died. I think about him daily.