Mini Mike

"Two straight elections of grating New Yorkers duking it out for the presidency is the fate we deserve tbqh*  (*To be quite honest)"  ~ Sonny Bunch

There is no way to tell, who is going to win the Democratic Party's nomination for President. At least not yet.  It is easier to tell you who is not going to win it.

I mean, besides Andrew Yang. I'm not sure who Andrew Yang really is, except he's described as an "entrepreneur". He seemed like a nice guy.  I really liked the "Yang Gang' stuff but some of his ideas were kind of goofy, like the UBI (Universal Basic Income) which was a thousand dollars a month for every American over 18 years of age.  I'm not saying a thousand dollars isn't a lot of scratch, but George McGovern tried that in 1972 when a thousand dollars really packed a punch and it didn't move the needle.

No, I'm talking about people like Elizabeth Warren, who, thank God, never took off and never made a connection with the American people.  I agree with Jonah Goldberg who compared Warren with Michael Scott of "The Office" because "they both share an inability to recognize they’re debasing themselves".

President Obama once said that most of the time he believed in his own Bull Corn being the Hope and the Change people wanted The problem with Warren is that she really thinks she is the "One" we've been waiting for. Yes, we've been waiting for someone to actually pretend to be a minority to advance their career. The sooner she slinks back into the background the better we'll be.


I'm talking about former Vice President Joe Biden who is, frankly, a doddering old man. He needs to be in a home, not the White House.

In this election cycle, the talk has been all about "the lanes", i.e. the "Progressive (Almost Communist) Lane" and the "Moderate (Almost Very Liberal) Lane.

In the Progressive Lane, you have Bernie Sanders, who for some reason has really connected with young people who don't know crap about the world but think they do.  Maybe it is all the free stuff he is promising them, like free college.

I don't get "free college". For one thing, everybody is going to have to pay for it. With the system now I have to, theoretically, pay for my own college education. Under Bernie, everybody is going to have to pay for somebody else's junior going to college and writing a paper on the limits of knowledge presented in Herman Melville's Moby Dick.

In the Moderate Lane, you have Pete Buttigieg, who is a mayor of a mid-sized Midwestern city, NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.  I know Trump kind of smashed the idea that a person should hold some sort of Big Political job before running for President, but still, being the mayor of South Bend, Indiana does not seem to give the experience one would need to be President of The United States.  If I was going to vote for a mayor, I would vote for Steve "Thunder" Tumlin who is the mayor of my town, Marietta, Georgia.  I'm not sure why his nickname is "Thunder", but I think "President Thunder" has a cool ring to it.

Also in the Moderate Lane is Amy Klobuchar.  She is a Senator from Minnesota and seems like to possibly have some sense, which means she is immediately disqualified to become President. She holds to the predictable Democratic policies, but she doesn't treat Pro-Life people bad and she has appeared on Fox News.  We cannot allow people to have normal conversations with people who have different opinions.

New to the Moderate Lane is former New York mayor Michael "Mike" Bloomberg.  Bloomberg has Eleventy Jillion dollars to his name and is dumping almost all of it into commercials that play on radio and TV every other minute.

Bloomberg has a couple of positives. One, he is actually a successful person that built his own business.  Two,  he was the mayor of the largest city in the country and did a credible job in running it.

The negatives.  He is as old as dirt (78 years old).  It is like he looked at the field and decided it needed another rich elderly man in it.  Also, Democrats generally don't like rich people unless they need money from them.  It seems like he's trying to blow up the "primary process" by buying the nomination. Maybe that is a good thing.  Anything other than what's happened in the last three election cycles will be an improvement.

He may be able to coax some Never Trumpers to his side because he's not as vulgar as the President. However, he's not too keen on the Second Amendment and is way too concerned about how much Co-cola you drink. I just can't see him winning over the Trump Wisconsin voters.

He talks a lot about being "data-driven" and  "results-oriented". I'm not sure how much different that is from Trump, but it is easier to be "results-oriented" when you are the Big Tuna at your own company than dealing with a senator who will still be in office long after you're gone.

Anyway, if you are "results-oriented" wouldn't you think the results of the Trump economy are good? How would Mike make that better?  I don't think he knows.

I would put "Mini Mike" (Trump's new nickname for Bloomberg) as the second most likely Democratic party nominee. I don't see how you can escape the conclusion that Bernie Sanders is the most likely. That's not good for a lot of reasons.

That Was The Week That Was

This past week wore me out.

On Sunday, we had the Super Bowl.  To me, the New Year really begins when The Super Bowl ends. The Chiefs versus the 49ers. The last time the Chiefs won a Super Bowl, I was going to East Valley Elementary School.

It was the Halftime Show which caused the most conversation.  I don't know exactly when the Halftime Show became such a big deal at the Super Bowl. Back when the Chiefs won their first Super Bowl, the Halftime Show was probably Up With People or Al Hirt (he played the trumpet).

This year, the Halftime Show was Jennifer Lopez and Shakira.  Entertainment Weekly called the show "ELECTRIC" while ABC News called it "Jaw-Dropping"

I don't know about all that. I would say it was hyper-sexual with crotch shots, booty shaking, and Lopez, pardon me, "J-Lo", simulating a private act out in public. I'm not a prude but I think we owe Janet Jackson an apology.  What happened at the 2004 Super Bowl was an accident. The 2020 Halftime Show was intentional.

Commercial after commercial told us dumb Americans that WOMEN ARE JUST AS GOOD AS MEN AND ONE DAY THEY WILL BE KICKING FIELD GOALS. Then the Halftime Show comes on and said women can be empowered hoochie-mommas.

Monday, we had the Iowa Democratic Caucus. Nobody really knows how the Caucuses work, especially Iowa Democrats. It ended up being the fuster clucks of all fuster clucks with the supposed Party of Science not knowing how to do math.

The country was spellbound waiting for the results of the Iowa Caucus for most of the week. Well, not really. I half-way expected a phone call telling me I won the Iowa Caucus on the basis of a coin toss performed at Cowpie High School's gymnasium in Dubuque.

It turns out, Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg sort of, kind of, might have won the Iowa Caucus. Someone that didn't win was Joe Biden who was supposedly THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD DEFEAT TRUMP.  It is not looking good for Joe, who really needs the help of somebody he used to work for, you know, what's his name?  It starts with a B.

Just putting this out there, but it is a real possibility that the Democrats will either nominate a self-described socialist or a mayor of a mid-sized Midwestern city who would be the first Mr. President with a First Gentleman.

Tuesday saw The President's State of The Union Address.

It was probably President Trump's best performance. None of the ad-libs, tasteless jokes, or general Trump goofiness. He was <gasp> "presidential".

Except at the beginning. When he got to the podium, he didn't shake Speaker Nancy Pelosi's hand.

Well, Pelosi sat behind Trump for the entire speech making her patented Tourette's faces until the end of the speech when she stood up and ripped her copy of the speech as some sort of statement. The statement was: I Am Insane. If she hadn't ripped up the speech, the conversation would have been about how petty Trump was not to shake her hand.  Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. Never wrestle with a pig, you get all muddy and the pig likes it.  Don't believe me?  Ask Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz.

Wednesday was Impeachment Vote day.  Surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle used to say. Republicans supported somebody from their party.

Except one.  Sen Mitt Romney who if memory serves, was the Republican nominee for President in 2012.  He voted for conviction on one of the counts. Of course, he is now persona-non-grata and the Trumpsters want to run him out of the party because he didn't bow at the altar of Trump.  And, of course, the media and Democrats are calling him a profile in courage when eight years ago they said he didn't pay his taxes and killed people with his Mormon death rays while wearing his freaky underwear.

Thursday was Victory Lap Day. After the State of The Union, I thought Trump just might change when he saw the positive reaction to him acting Presidential instead of like a trousered ape. Wrong.

He opened the day at The National Prayer Breakfast seemingly rejecting Jesus's command to love your enemies. From there, he held a celebration at the White House where he described the Russia Investigation as bull feces. In other words, he acted like Trump.

You either think he's playing 4-D chess or you think he's not playing with a full deck.

The cherry on top of the week was a three-hour Democratic party debate in New Hampshire. Who wouldn't want to end their workweek watching a three-hour political debate?  Not me. I was too tired from the week.

New York Questions And Answers

Yes, my wife and I took another trip to New York City, the city so nice they named it twice. After all, if we can make it there, we can make it anywhere.

As a public service, I have decided to answer questions Southerners have when we go to New York.


Which airport do you fly into?   There are three major airports that service New York City:  LaGuardia (which is as big as Vermont),   Kennedy (which is in Vermont), and Newark (which is gross).

Which airports do y'all usually go to?  We usually go to LaGuardia. It is closer to Manhattan. It also has a Shake Shack.  We flew into Kennedy a few years ago but it seems far away from Manhattan. However, when we flew back home, Gladys Knight was on our plane. Or was that on the midnight train to Georgia?  I get confused, but either way, Gladys looked like a million bucks.

Where do you stay? My wife earns points from various hotel chains so we have stayed in some pretty nice places. However, if you don't have points, you may want to refinance your home to stay a couple of nights.

I heard the hotel rooms are small,  For the money, the rooms are small. However, on this last trip, the room was not bad.

What about bed bugs?   In our five visits to New York, we have never encountered a bed bug. However, I did run into a cockroach in one of our showers that was as large as a refrigerator.

Did you eat any interesting food?  I am not a foodie.  Don't get me wrong, I like food. I just don't go out of my way to eat food I never heard of.  However, we did try a place in Chelsea.  (Chelsea is a New York neighborhood where it is illegal to wear a MAGA hat.)  This place was called Blue Smoke and they served Barbeque  (or BBQ like we write it down here). You may not believe it, the BBQ was very good. I also had a glass of SWEET tea.  If you have been to New York at all, you know the idea of sweet ice tea is a totally foreign concept much like courtesy or walking slow. Blue Smoke served a sweet black tea that had a mint leaf and berries in it. It wasn't bad, especially for beginners. I posted a picture on social media and my Baptist friends thought I was backslidden and drinking a cocktail.

How did you get around?  There are several ways to get around in New York.  One is by Subway. I find the New York Subway System confusing mainly because I'm stupid. Some of the subway cars look okay, some look generally scary. One time we got on a subway, only to be treated to a lecture of the evils of everything, man, by somebody who wanted your full attention, man.  I can do without that.

What about a taxi?  Taking a taxi is certainly another way to get around New York.  Taxi drivers are generally very safe. I make it a point to ask my taxi driver: How many people have you killed today?  If the answer is under five, you have a safe taxi driver. Seriously though, they are hard-working people who are good for a quote, which unfortunately I never get because my eyes are closed until we get to the hotel.  This trip, our taxi driver from the airport was listening to the MSNBC coverage of the Senate Impeachment trial.  Because if there is anything you want to hear on what could be your last minutes on earth is the brilliance of Adam Schiff.

What about Uber/Lyft?  We've never taken Lyft.  Something about their logo bugs me. I know that's a silly reason to not use a service, but it is the only one I've got.  We've used Uber's several times and had a pleasant experience each time. The only semi-negative experience came this trip when one Uber driver told my wife she didn't have a good sense of direction. In New York, this is considered good manners.

Are New Yorkers really rude?  Do dogs really bark?  No, honestly, most New Yorkers I've encountered have been very nice.  They just are direct, which Southerners rarely are because we are taught to hide or mask our opinions with niceties like "bless your heart" (translation: "My God"), "that's all right sugar" ("Lord, you are as dumb as dirt"), and  "thank you very much" ("How in the world did you learn to breathe?")  On this trip, one fellow in Times Square (hint: avoid Times Square as much as possible) got put out with me because I didn't want his "free" rap CD.  I am 60 years old. There's nothing about me that says I listen to rap.  He was even going to sign it. I don't know why.

Did You See Any Broadway Plays?  Yes!  We went to see "To Kill A Mockingbird".  The movie starring Gregory Peck was one of the first movies I remember my parents talking about.  I read the book in junior high school. Well, there's an updated version of it on Broadway.  I know when you hear "updated" you're thinking Atticus Finch is now a transgendered Eskimo with an Hispanic surname. Nope, there were just a couple of tweaks here and there, but it did not take away from the play.  Atticus Finch was played by Ed Harris.  If you don't like Ed Harris, you have hairy thighs and don't love the Lord. Ed Harris, like Robert Duvall, is one of those actors that can guarantee you will at least enjoy a movie even if it isn't that great.  After the play was over, we waited by the stage door to see if we could get a picture taken of him. Security would not let us take a picture, but we had a nice conversation with Ed Harris about the movie "Radio". He also looks at you straight in the eye. He is now my new BFF.

If I Go And See "To Kill A Mockingbird" Will Ed Harris Become My New BFF?   Get your own BFF, I saw him first.