2019: Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Here we are at the end of 2019.

I think I can speak for everyone and say, man, what a stupid year.

Everything was stupid.

For example, in the NFC Championship Game, a Los Angeles Rams defensive back ran over a New Orleans Saints wide receiver with a pickup truck, which according to the rule book is pass interference.  But the referee, who was standing right there, didn't see it.  The missed call cost the Saints the game and with it, a trip to the Super Bowl.

So the Saints were stuck at home, watching The Super Bowl, which included commercials by Gillette razor which tried to talk men out of "toxic masculinity", whatever that is.

Speaking of stupid commercials, 2019 still saw its share of stupid commercials featuring a gecko with a British accent that is really interested in auto insurance and not to be outdone, Liberty Mutual has a commercial that pairs an emu selling auto insurance with a hapless agent named Doug.
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A lot of people had some stupid things happen to them in 2019

• A Florida man was arrested and spent 41 days in jail for heroin that turned out to be detergent.

• One family owed $500 in unpaid taxes and fines. County officials used this as justification to seize and sell their house to pocket $108,000.

• There are people that paid money to see the movie Cats.

• This is an actual tweet from Popular Science magazine:  Can you really absorb solar energy into your anus?  The short answer: No.  Your butt is not a plant.

• Apparently, there is a rumor out there that you can absorb solar energy into your anus and Popular Science had to tweet out an answer.  Besides everybody knows your anus stores wind energy. [Thank you, good night, you've been a wonderful audience]

However, if you want really stupid, just hop on over to your favorite social media platform.

In 2019, Facebook has booted “pro-white groups” and countless other “subversives” including  Jordan Peterson, Candace Owens (who is an African-American), and, Elizabeth Warren. The reason for this is some (stupid) people blame Facebook for every imaginable sin despite the fact Facebook provides an outlet to old people like me who want to know if ANYONE REMEMBERS GARY MCKEE. (Answer yes, he did the Shower Stall singers on Fox-97.  No, wait, that was Randy and Spiff. Hey, does anyone remember Channel 2?)

Anyway, there are some people who think the BAD ORANGE MAN in the White House is the fault of Facebook.  Exactly how Facebook did it is kind of murky, but apparently, it has to do with taking tests to see which Sweathog you would be on "Welcome Back, Kotter".  (This blogger was Arnold Horshack. Don't laugh at science)

Twitter is the King of Stupid right now. The great Dave Barry in his 2019 Year In Review, describes Twitter as "a medium that has the magical power to transform everything it touches, no matter how stupid it is, into something even stupider"

Back in February, Twitter alerted us to a new devious form of trouble: Catholic High School Boys Wearing MAGA Hats That Smirk.   Twitter jumped all over this story like a duck on a June bug, as we say in the South, especially the "blue checkmark" people which in the Twitter world means you are some sort of important person. The story about this incident turned out to be nothing that Twitter originally said it was about.

Then Twitter alerted us about Jussie Smollett who is a gay African-American actor who said he was attacked by White Racists early in the morning. The story showed how racist and homophobic America still is except that it didn't happen and Smollett made up the story for some unknown reason.

Of course, the person that has weaponized Twitter is President Trump who prefers Twitter to go above the American news media and get his message out with BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS, exclamation points, and even correctly spelled words on occasion. For example, The President tweeted about his dinner for the National Champion Clemson Tiger football team: "I served them massive amounts of Fast Food over 1000 hamberders".

It would be wrong to say President Trump has the market cornered on stupidity. Nope, Democrats were pretty stupid too.

Democrats have spent a good part of three years stating The Mueller Report would definitely, without a doubt, prove that Trump colluded with the Russians to manipulate the 2016 election with carefully targeted Facebook memes designed to deceive the dunderheads that couldn't even get into an Ivy League school. This would lead to impeachment, baby, yeah!

The Mueller Report came out and didn't really prove anything.

But don't worry, Trump made a phone call that somebody overheard and told somebody who filed a "whistleblower" compliant. Now this lead to impeachment, we think, because as of this date, Nancy Pelosi hasn't filed it with the Senate. Depending upon which cable news channel you watch this tactic by Pelosi is either: A) The smartest thing ever done or B) The dumbest thing ever done.

To top it off, the Democrats have 450 candidates for President, none of which is exactly inspiring.

Joe Biden is the front runner mainly because, well, have you looked at all of the other guys?

Elizabeth Warren trumpeted that she was a true, for real, a descendant of Native Americans except if she ever has a nosebleed she's out of the tribe.

Many of the 450 have imploded and I can't figure out which implosion was my favorite.  I liked it when Beto O'Rouke got out because he was such a dweeb.  I laughed when Kamala Harris got out because she said she was in favor of school busing to achieve integration, which everybody of every color hates.

In Virginia, it was discovered that the governor wore blackface in a photograph for the medical school yearbook back in 1984.  He was about to resign when it was learned the Lieutenant Governor had been accused of sexual assault.  If the governor and the lieutenant governor resigned, the Attorney General of Virginia would become governor but it turned out  HE TOO HAD WORN BLACKFACE FOR A PHOTOGRAPH.   Now, if the governor, lieutenant governor, and attorney general resigned, the Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau would become governor. As luck would have it, Prime Minister Trudeau had been photographed in blackface. Everybody forgot about their original outrage and all of the above kept their jobs.

Probably the dumbest scandal involved that TV star who is married that guy who is on that show on Showtime and another TV star in that show from a long time ago trying to get their dopey children in "good" colleges by lying and cheating. What do they think these kids are, football players?  The crime including paying people to take the kids' ACT and SAT exams and bribing "rowing" coaches to accept the kids on the rowing team even though the kids have never been on a boat.

Not everything was stupid in 2019.  There was one prospective mom and dad who DIDN'T do a gender reveal party.  Thanks, guys, you brought back my faith in humanity.