The topic for today is television.
In the old days, you would walk into your living room or den, turn a knob and the TV would come on. You have maybe five or six channels to watch.
Then cable happened.
Now we have a billion channels and there are still only five or six channels I watch.
The Channels I Watch
1) The News Channels. There are basically three news channels: CNN, MSNBC, and FOX. The basic news on CNN and MSNBC is President Trump really sucks, bigly. The news on FOX is President Trump is really great and represents THE PEOPLE, if the OTHER PEOPLE would let him get to work for THE PEOPLE that elected him to work for THE PEOPLE.
2) The Sports Channels. There is ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN-SEC, ESPN-CLASSIC, ESPN-NEWS, and ESPN-COLLEGE. ESPN used to show athletic contests. I remember when they used to show "Austrialia Rules Football" which was sort of like rugby. Now they mainly show highlights from last week's big game and various talk shows in which sportswriters yell at each other. One show, "Around The Horn", which has been on for years, features "competitive bantering", whatever that is.
3) The Rerun Channels. These are the stations like TBS and TV Land which shows reruns of classic comedy shows like "Seinfeld" and "Everybody Loves Raymond". For my money, "Everybody Loves Raymond" is probably the best sitcom in the past 20 years. It always makes me laugh. For the record, I like "The Big Bang Theory". It is a funny show. I know it is not hip to say you like "The Big Bang Theory"-it is like saying you love Perry Como. For some reason, "The Big Bang Theory" reminds me of a lot of my friends. I won't name names.
4) The History Channels. There are a couple of history channels. One specializes in Hitler. That Hitler guy, he's everywhere.The other specializes in people going into a pawn shop. This is a typical segment of that show: "Pawn Stars":
A man comes in with what he says is an original copy of "The Gettyburg Address". Rick looks interested and says, let me get a buddy in here to look at it. Rick's buddy (an handwriting expert or some guy wearing an Amish hat) looks over it, takes out a jewler's eye, makes a few grunting noises and says, "The handwriting is definitely Abraham Lincoln's. In my exteremly learned and informed opinon, this is the original copy of 'The Gettysburg Address' and it is worth 4 billion dollars." Rick shakes his hand and the buddy walks out the door. Rick asks the man how does he want for it. The man says "2 billion dollars". Rick says, "Wow, we're way off. I'm going to offer you 50 dollars. I have to get it framed."
5) HGTV. This is the Home and Gardens channel, although there isn't any gardening shows, not that I'm complaining. There are several gardening shows on Atlanta radio and here's what I've learned: you need to water your plants.
No, on HGTV, it is all about "flipping houses". This means people buy junk houses, some of which are still on fire or underwater, renovate them, and sell the houses at a glorious profit. Shows include "Flip This House", "Flip Another House", "Flip Houses You Don't Own", "Flip, Flip, Flip", "Flip This Flip" (people buy a house that has been renovated and then renovate them some more), and "Flippy Flipperson" (this is a cartoon dolphin that teaches kids how to flip houses.)
One popular show on HGTV is "Property Brothers" in which "Jonathan and Drew Scott help couples find
One thing that gets me are the couples on "Property Brothers". He works as a part time barista at Starbucks. She collects aluminum cans on the side of the road. Their budget for a new house: 1.8 million.
The other big show on HGTV is "Fixer Upper". It "pairs renovation, design and real estate pros Chip and Joanna Gaines with home buyers to renovate homes that are in great locations, but have bad design or are in poor condition." I will translate this for you. Chip and Joanna renovate homes in Waco, Texas.
Women love "Fixer Upper". Chip and Joanna seem like real people, even though it does seem like Chip has really outkicked his coverage, if you know what I mean. They seem like people you would go to Sunday School with. "Y'all, Sister Joanna is going to have her 18th baby and is still smoking hot. Brother Chip, would you like to open our class with prayer?" "Yes, sir. God bless Texas, Amen!"
A big deal on "Fixer Upper" is shiplap. At first, I thought Chip and Joanna were swearing. But they find shiplap all the time in the houses they fix up. I have lived 58 years without ever hearing about it.
Shiplap is a type of wooden board. Evidently there is a law in Texas stating everybody has to have it in there house.
There are other channels I can watch. There's the six hundred Showtime channels that show the same twelve movies. There's the music channels that don't show music. There's the Lifetime channel but since I strongly identify as a HETROSEXAUL MALE, I don't watch, but even if I did, it wouldn't mean anything.
Or instead of watching TV, I could read a book.
Nah.
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