Two things since last week’s “Joe Must Go” post: One,if you listen to Mike McQueary, you get the impression he put a beat down on Jerry Sandusky. Then he called the cops, the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, and The Super Friends. However, if you read the indictment, it seems like McQueary witnessed the crime and then went and got a Slurpee on the way to telling his dad that he finally understands what Sodomy means. Two: the interview Jerry Sundusky had with Bob Costas was a like a “Saturday Night Live ” skit except it was pathetic. Why his attorney allowed him to do that is another mystery in this awful case.
This Week’s Picks!
Mighty Dogs vs. Kenyucky: Remember several weeks ago when “The Playboy Club” was still on the air and everyone thought the next time Mark Richt was introduced it would be as the Head Coach of The Fighting Kennesaw State Owls? Well, UGA has run off a string of wins which means Mark Richt has learned how to coach and all is well with my soul. The first name of the head coach of Kentucky is Joker. Really. A win for the Dogs means they win the SEC East and all that comes with it: get whomped by LSU. Dawgs win.
Brains vs. Brains: Tech and Duke fight it out for the prized “Nerd Trophy” Tech had a rough time last week against the Other Tech. I cannot remember when they had a hard time with Duke. Bees win.
Mess State vs. Pigs: Personal confession time. I know several people that either have gone to Mississippi State and/or send their children there. I even know “Mr. Cowbell”, who doesn’t go to MSU, but dresses up like a cowbell to go to football games. (Ladies, you’ll be interested in knowing that there is no “Mrs. Cowbell”.) Every person I know that has anything to do with Mississippi State is happy they went there, even if their diploma contains the word “Mississippi”. Arkansas is coached by Satan. The Pigs win.
Elessyu vs. Ole Mess: LSU is having an incredible year in which they might be able to beat the Indianapolis Colts. Ole Miss is just a mess. Nothing has gone right and they have fired everybody connected with the football team. At one time in our country's history, this was a big time game. Of course, that was when Eisenhower was President. LSU wins.
Perv State vs The One and Only Ohio State University: Has there been any two schools whose seasons have been this awful for non-football related reasons? How Penn State can win another game is beyond me. Ohio State wins.
Huskers of Corn vs. Meechigan: One of the few feel-good stories of this college football season, Michigan has rebounded from its recent cruddy seasons and has started playing some pretty good football. Now we are back to wondering what they have on their helmets. In any event, Nebraska is a better team. Nebraska wins.
Georgia Southern vs. Alabama: The big news last week is that Georgia Southern (“Every Hour is Happy Hour”) won The Southern Conference last week. Their reward is getting beat up by Alabama. It would be cool if the Eagles win this game. It would be even cooler if People magazine named me “The World’s Most Sexist Man Alive”. Neither one is going to happen. Bama wins.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Coming Back to You (Newt)
Maybe I'm still hurting
I can't turn the other cheek
But you know that I still love you
It's just that I can't speak
I looked for you in everyone
And they called me on that too
I lived alone but I was only
Coming back to you -Leonard Cohen
Back on March 29, 2011, Humor Me ran this piece entitled “Who Will Not Become President: Newt Gingrich”. Despite its brilliance I have won neither a Pulitzer nor Nobel Prize. If things keep going the way they have been, I may win the Dumb-Dumb of The Year Award, although Mike Smith (Head Coach of The Atlanta Falcons) and Rick Perry (Highly Functional Retard) are running neck and neck.
I made two valid points: 1) Nobody likes Newt Gingrich and 2) Everybody hates him. I was not expressing my opinion about Newt Gingrich. I’ve always found him interesting and very smart. I’ve found the vitriol expressed about him a little over the top. Of course, a lot of that is from the Offices of James Carville, who invented the Democrat party dog and pony show of claiming Republicans are vile creatures, worthy of only contempt while Democrats are only filled with sweetness and light.
One of the things good about Gingrich is that he doesn’t look like he is about to wet his pants because a reporter asks a hard question. Look back at Tim Pawlenty being asked about “Obamney Care” and then look at the typical question Gingrich is asked. Gingrich looks like he enjoys it. Most of the others, and I’m looking at you Rick Perry, look like they don’t.
I have written that I think Mitt Romney will be the nominee and he may become President. I still do. While it is not a “lock”, President Obama has a record and especially on the economy, it is not good. He’s sort of an odd duck President. We still don’t know that much about him except all of his supporters keep telling us he is a combination of Lincoln, Roosevelt, and Kennedy. He might be. It doesn’t look like it to me.
The knock of Romney is that he is a “flip-flopper” and has no “core” set of principles like Reagan. He’s robotic. He is “Mr. Perfect”. His hair is never out of place. He might appoint Donny Osmond as Secretary of State.
This means there is a market, right now, in Republican circles for somebody that is not Mitt. First it looked like Tim Pawlenty. He bailed and Michele Bachman rose to the top. Then she bottomed out and Rick Perry rose. Rick Perry fell for three reasons: 1) He’s a total Maroon; 2) He has no brain; and …..um, well. I forgot the third one. Oops. (One of the great ironies of this race is a bunch of campaign staff left Gingrich because he went on a vacation and went to work on the Perry campaign).
Perry’s meltdown led to Herman Cain’s rise in the polls. Cain is not only the first serious African-American Republican candidate; he is also the first candidate since Thomas Dewey with a mustache. People like Cain’s style and they like his “999” plan. Unfortunately, some women have come out of the woodwork and he doesn’t seem too sharp when it comes to foreign policy.
This brings us back to Newt. Newt is not a new face on the scene. Here’s the good news: there’s no new surprises about Newt Gingrich. The bad news: he has as about as much baggage as Samsonite. He’s been married three times. He supposedly gave his first wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital for cancer surgery. He was fooling around on his second wife with his third wife while he was trying to impeach President Bill Clinton.
Maybe Gingrich can rise above it. The most popular person in the Democratic Party is Bill Clinton who based his life on Letters to Penthouse. (“I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. There I was in the Oval Office alone with Ruth Bader Ginsberg...”) I wouldn’t count on it though. Gingrich is in the wrong party for sex not to matter.
I can't turn the other cheek
But you know that I still love you
It's just that I can't speak
I looked for you in everyone
And they called me on that too
I lived alone but I was only
Coming back to you -Leonard Cohen
Back on March 29, 2011, Humor Me ran this piece entitled “Who Will Not Become President: Newt Gingrich”. Despite its brilliance I have won neither a Pulitzer nor Nobel Prize. If things keep going the way they have been, I may win the Dumb-Dumb of The Year Award, although Mike Smith (Head Coach of The Atlanta Falcons) and Rick Perry (Highly Functional Retard) are running neck and neck.
I made two valid points: 1) Nobody likes Newt Gingrich and 2) Everybody hates him. I was not expressing my opinion about Newt Gingrich. I’ve always found him interesting and very smart. I’ve found the vitriol expressed about him a little over the top. Of course, a lot of that is from the Offices of James Carville, who invented the Democrat party dog and pony show of claiming Republicans are vile creatures, worthy of only contempt while Democrats are only filled with sweetness and light.
One of the things good about Gingrich is that he doesn’t look like he is about to wet his pants because a reporter asks a hard question. Look back at Tim Pawlenty being asked about “Obamney Care” and then look at the typical question Gingrich is asked. Gingrich looks like he enjoys it. Most of the others, and I’m looking at you Rick Perry, look like they don’t.
I have written that I think Mitt Romney will be the nominee and he may become President. I still do. While it is not a “lock”, President Obama has a record and especially on the economy, it is not good. He’s sort of an odd duck President. We still don’t know that much about him except all of his supporters keep telling us he is a combination of Lincoln, Roosevelt, and Kennedy. He might be. It doesn’t look like it to me.
The knock of Romney is that he is a “flip-flopper” and has no “core” set of principles like Reagan. He’s robotic. He is “Mr. Perfect”. His hair is never out of place. He might appoint Donny Osmond as Secretary of State.
This means there is a market, right now, in Republican circles for somebody that is not Mitt. First it looked like Tim Pawlenty. He bailed and Michele Bachman rose to the top. Then she bottomed out and Rick Perry rose. Rick Perry fell for three reasons: 1) He’s a total Maroon; 2) He has no brain; and …..um, well. I forgot the third one. Oops. (One of the great ironies of this race is a bunch of campaign staff left Gingrich because he went on a vacation and went to work on the Perry campaign).
Perry’s meltdown led to Herman Cain’s rise in the polls. Cain is not only the first serious African-American Republican candidate; he is also the first candidate since Thomas Dewey with a mustache. People like Cain’s style and they like his “999” plan. Unfortunately, some women have come out of the woodwork and he doesn’t seem too sharp when it comes to foreign policy.
This brings us back to Newt. Newt is not a new face on the scene. Here’s the good news: there’s no new surprises about Newt Gingrich. The bad news: he has as about as much baggage as Samsonite. He’s been married three times. He supposedly gave his first wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital for cancer surgery. He was fooling around on his second wife with his third wife while he was trying to impeach President Bill Clinton.
Maybe Gingrich can rise above it. The most popular person in the Democratic Party is Bill Clinton who based his life on Letters to Penthouse. (“I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. There I was in the Oval Office alone with Ruth Bader Ginsberg...”) I wouldn’t count on it though. Gingrich is in the wrong party for sex not to matter.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Joe Had To Go
To paraphrase Rick Perry, if you could read about the sexual abuse claims against former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky and not want to vomit, you have no soul. If you could read about Joe Paterno’s limp response and believe he should have been able to dictate when he left Penn State, you have no brain.
Coach Paterno’s lackadaisical action during the past nine years shows a person that apparently cared about one thing: wins and losses on the football field. The fact that children were being raped at his facility seems not to have concerned him in the least.
Victim Two was 10 years in 2002. My son was 11 years old that year. This child was raped in a Penn State locker room shower by Jerry Sandusky. While this was occurring, a graduate assistant coach stumbled upon the crime and he did what any human being would do: beat the fecal matter out of this low life and then called the police.
This would have happened if it was not in a world controlled by an egomaniacal college coaching legend. Instead, this graduate assistant coach, (who nine years later is the Penn State recruiting coordinator) immediately left the premises and called his dad. After that, this young man called Coach Paterno. At that moment, this icon of college sports sprung into action and called…..the athletic director, which at Penn State is like General McArthur calling Beetle Bailey.
I’m going to make this easy, so that even a football player can understand it. If you walk into the showers of a locker room and you see a grown man raping a child, you are to call the police first-not your dad. I’m even going to make this so easy, even a football coach can understand it. If anyone approaches you and tells you that they just saw a man raping a young boy, you are suppose to call the police-not your boss.
You would think Coach Paterno would have been horrified by what happened in 2002. It took him a while, about nine years. In the written statement announcing his retirement he said, “I am absolutely devastated by the developments in this case. I grieve for the children and their families, and I pray for their comfort and relief”. It would have been nice to grieve for the children and their families in 2002. It would have been nice to pray for their comfort and relief in 2002. But hey, when Michigan is on the schedule you got to take what you can get, kid.
You would think the NCAA would have something to say about all of this. I’m sure someone will point out there’s not a lot they can do about it. That’s probably correct. After all, it was only children being raped-not something serious like a player getting a free tattoo. If that happened, The NCAA would be all over it like a duck on a June bug.
Penn State University hasn’t responded better. The administration knew this former defensive coordinator was a sexual deviate and was dangerous to be around children. Yet, for years, they allowed this creature access to its facilities to be around children. Their response: they were going to appoint a committee to “investigate”.
Finally, The Board of Trustees stepped in and fired Paterno and the President of The University. Some students of Penn State, showing all of the cognitive thought processes that college students are supposed to have, started to riot. It wasn’t fair to Joe, after all he’s done for the university.
True, Paterno did a lot for Penn State University. He just didn’t do anything for Victim Two.
Coach Paterno’s lackadaisical action during the past nine years shows a person that apparently cared about one thing: wins and losses on the football field. The fact that children were being raped at his facility seems not to have concerned him in the least.
Victim Two was 10 years in 2002. My son was 11 years old that year. This child was raped in a Penn State locker room shower by Jerry Sandusky. While this was occurring, a graduate assistant coach stumbled upon the crime and he did what any human being would do: beat the fecal matter out of this low life and then called the police.
This would have happened if it was not in a world controlled by an egomaniacal college coaching legend. Instead, this graduate assistant coach, (who nine years later is the Penn State recruiting coordinator) immediately left the premises and called his dad. After that, this young man called Coach Paterno. At that moment, this icon of college sports sprung into action and called…..the athletic director, which at Penn State is like General McArthur calling Beetle Bailey.
I’m going to make this easy, so that even a football player can understand it. If you walk into the showers of a locker room and you see a grown man raping a child, you are to call the police first-not your dad. I’m even going to make this so easy, even a football coach can understand it. If anyone approaches you and tells you that they just saw a man raping a young boy, you are suppose to call the police-not your boss.
You would think Coach Paterno would have been horrified by what happened in 2002. It took him a while, about nine years. In the written statement announcing his retirement he said, “I am absolutely devastated by the developments in this case. I grieve for the children and their families, and I pray for their comfort and relief”. It would have been nice to grieve for the children and their families in 2002. It would have been nice to pray for their comfort and relief in 2002. But hey, when Michigan is on the schedule you got to take what you can get, kid.
You would think the NCAA would have something to say about all of this. I’m sure someone will point out there’s not a lot they can do about it. That’s probably correct. After all, it was only children being raped-not something serious like a player getting a free tattoo. If that happened, The NCAA would be all over it like a duck on a June bug.
Penn State University hasn’t responded better. The administration knew this former defensive coordinator was a sexual deviate and was dangerous to be around children. Yet, for years, they allowed this creature access to its facilities to be around children. Their response: they were going to appoint a committee to “investigate”.
Finally, The Board of Trustees stepped in and fired Paterno and the President of The University. Some students of Penn State, showing all of the cognitive thought processes that college students are supposed to have, started to riot. It wasn’t fair to Joe, after all he’s done for the university.
True, Paterno did a lot for Penn State University. He just didn’t do anything for Victim Two.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
This Week's Picks
It was an exciting game between two teams with identical records. In the end, three points separated the winner from the loser. Of course, I am talking about the Ursinus Cavities-Muhlenberg game. The Mules (really, that’s their name) defeated the Cavities 27-24 in front of a crowd of several, including two Aunt Barbs and an Uncle Bob. In The Muhl Blog (actual name of the blog) it describes the last second heroics of Andrew Onimus, an Accounting major who blocked the possible game tying field goal with 2.7 seconds left in the game. Mr. Onimus said blocking the kick was “so amazing”. Make sure you click there on The Muhl Blog to watch the game saving block.
There was another game last Saturday between two teams with identical records in Tuscaloosa that some analysts say was as exciting as watching paint dry while others claim it was as exciting as unloading the dishwasher. In these highly partisan times, I think both sides are right. However, it is always pleasant to see Nick Saban being outwitted by Forrest Gump’s stunt double.
This Week’s Picks
Dawgs vs. War Tigers: The Georgia-Auburn rivalry is the oldest college football rivalry in the South. You know what that means: lots of yelling and cussing. UGA needs to win this game so they can go to the SEC Championship and be destroyed by LSU. UGA is regaining the services of freshman running back Isaiah Crowell, who was suspended due to Wacky Weed use for one whole game. Fortunately, Coach Softee is an expert at picking up the spirits of criminals who might have felt a minute of discomfort. Auburn is playing much better than expected considering they lost not only Cam Newton but also a tree from last year. Georgia needs to win this one, but they don’t play well against good teams. Auburn wins.
Bee Tech vs. Turkey Tech: After we got off-no make that- jumped off the Georgia Tech bandwagon after two pedestrian performances against Virginia and Miami, The Bees opened a can of Whoop-up on Clemson. I had penciled the Clemson and the Virginia Tech games as losses for Coach Happy’s team at the beginning of the season. Now, I’m not so sure. I’m tempted to just say “Tech wins” and leave it at that. But, we don’t do things like that at Picks Central. Georgia Tech wins.
Ducks vs. Trees: Oregon despite their dreadful color scheme is a very good team. Sanford is led by this year’s Heisman Trophy apparent winner before the votes are counted, Andrew Luck. Luck is one of those student-athletes that makes good grades in a difficult major and appears to be a nice guy. Of course, that doesn’t prevent us from mentioning he looks like the love child of Jethro Bodine and Miss Jane Hathaway. I think Oregon is the better team. Oregon wins.
Georgia Southern vs. Wofford: Georgia Southern who is the only school in the country that has a Jim Morrison lyric in the Alma Mater (“I woke up this morning and got myself a beer”) has been in a little slump. The Eagles lost to Ap State and barely beat The Citadel. However, Wofford’s nickname is “The Terriers”. (Not “The Rabid Terriers” or “The Fighting Terriers” or “The Barking and Won’t Shut Up Terriers"-just “The Terriers”) The Eagles roll up a newspaper to whack these puppies on the snout to win The Southern Conference. Georgia Southern wins.
Birmingham-Southern vs. Millsaps: Last week, Birmingham-Southern (school motto: “There Are Other Schools Besides Alabama and Auburn”) defeated Rhodes College 54-0. They’ll finish the season against the Millsaps Majors. This has been a good season for the Panthers. They should defeat Millsaps. Birmingham-Southern wins.
There was another game last Saturday between two teams with identical records in Tuscaloosa that some analysts say was as exciting as watching paint dry while others claim it was as exciting as unloading the dishwasher. In these highly partisan times, I think both sides are right. However, it is always pleasant to see Nick Saban being outwitted by Forrest Gump’s stunt double.
This Week’s Picks
Dawgs vs. War Tigers: The Georgia-Auburn rivalry is the oldest college football rivalry in the South. You know what that means: lots of yelling and cussing. UGA needs to win this game so they can go to the SEC Championship and be destroyed by LSU. UGA is regaining the services of freshman running back Isaiah Crowell, who was suspended due to Wacky Weed use for one whole game. Fortunately, Coach Softee is an expert at picking up the spirits of criminals who might have felt a minute of discomfort. Auburn is playing much better than expected considering they lost not only Cam Newton but also a tree from last year. Georgia needs to win this one, but they don’t play well against good teams. Auburn wins.
Bee Tech vs. Turkey Tech: After we got off-no make that- jumped off the Georgia Tech bandwagon after two pedestrian performances against Virginia and Miami, The Bees opened a can of Whoop-up on Clemson. I had penciled the Clemson and the Virginia Tech games as losses for Coach Happy’s team at the beginning of the season. Now, I’m not so sure. I’m tempted to just say “Tech wins” and leave it at that. But, we don’t do things like that at Picks Central. Georgia Tech wins.
Ducks vs. Trees: Oregon despite their dreadful color scheme is a very good team. Sanford is led by this year’s Heisman Trophy apparent winner before the votes are counted, Andrew Luck. Luck is one of those student-athletes that makes good grades in a difficult major and appears to be a nice guy. Of course, that doesn’t prevent us from mentioning he looks like the love child of Jethro Bodine and Miss Jane Hathaway. I think Oregon is the better team. Oregon wins.
Georgia Southern vs. Wofford: Georgia Southern who is the only school in the country that has a Jim Morrison lyric in the Alma Mater (“I woke up this morning and got myself a beer”) has been in a little slump. The Eagles lost to Ap State and barely beat The Citadel. However, Wofford’s nickname is “The Terriers”. (Not “The Rabid Terriers” or “The Fighting Terriers” or “The Barking and Won’t Shut Up Terriers"-just “The Terriers”) The Eagles roll up a newspaper to whack these puppies on the snout to win The Southern Conference. Georgia Southern wins.
Birmingham-Southern vs. Millsaps: Last week, Birmingham-Southern (school motto: “There Are Other Schools Besides Alabama and Auburn”) defeated Rhodes College 54-0. They’ll finish the season against the Millsaps Majors. This has been a good season for the Panthers. They should defeat Millsaps. Birmingham-Southern wins.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
This Week's Picks
This is the game we have been waiting for. The most talked about game of the season. A game that should live forever in annals of college football history.
I’m referring to Ursinus vs. Muhlenberg College.
When these two teams get together, it is the talk of every Perkins in Eastern Pennsylvania. The Ursinus Cavities bring a 5-3 record into Scotty Wood Stadium, named after the famous Muhlenberg alumnus, Scotty Wood Stadium, to face “The Mules” ( I am not making this up). The Mules also have a 5-3 record.
I’m going out on a limb here and picking The Mules in this game. They have a stubborn defensive.
This week’s picks!
Dawgs vs. Other Aggies: I guess it is too much to wish that UGA could make it through a year without having a scholar-athlete suspended for various crimes and misdemeanors. Isaiah Crowell, the latest in a long line of New Herschel Walkers, has been suspended from this one game by Coach Hardnose, Mark Richt, for testing positive for Wacky Tobacky. New Mexico State is 3-5, so this should be an easy win for Georgia even without Crowell. Georgia wins.
Pigs vs. Chickens: Steve Spurrier and Bobby Paterino are two the most reviled coaches in the SEC, mainly because they are amoral egotistical jerks (and those are their good qualities). It is hard to imagine how South Carolina can win without Marcus Lattimore. Therefore I'm going to do write something I promised myself I would never write: Arkansas wins.
Georgia Southern vs. The Citadel: Last week, Georgia Southern (whose slogan is “There are bars everywhere down here!”) flew into Boone, North Carolina and proceeded to lay an egg against Ap State. Although they wear the ring at The Citadel (obscure Pat Conroy reference alert), they should be no match for Georgia Southern. Georgia Southern wins.
Birmingham-Southern vs. Rhodes: The Panthers are in the midst of a two game losing streak. Supposedly, the coaches have told The Panthers this week to "Hit the Rhodes, Jack" (Sorry). Birmingham-Southern wins.
AND NOW…..THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME EVER!
Ellessyew vs. Bama: The supposed best two teams in college football, although there is really no way of knowing this, clash in T-town in what should be a game of epic proportions. LSU is number one and Alabama is number two. They are equal in most aspects. They both have great defenses. They both have rabid mentally insane fans, some of whom ACTUALLY WENT TO THE SCHOOL. Alabama has the superior running game and a coach that is probably a genius. On the other hand, LSU’s coach, Les Miles, is a highly functioning retard. Alabama is a little young at quarterback and hasn’t had the opportunity to commit a felony like the starting LSU quarterback. LSU wins, but it will be close.
I’m referring to Ursinus vs. Muhlenberg College.
When these two teams get together, it is the talk of every Perkins in Eastern Pennsylvania. The Ursinus Cavities bring a 5-3 record into Scotty Wood Stadium, named after the famous Muhlenberg alumnus, Scotty Wood Stadium, to face “The Mules” ( I am not making this up). The Mules also have a 5-3 record.
I’m going out on a limb here and picking The Mules in this game. They have a stubborn defensive.
This week’s picks!
Dawgs vs. Other Aggies: I guess it is too much to wish that UGA could make it through a year without having a scholar-athlete suspended for various crimes and misdemeanors. Isaiah Crowell, the latest in a long line of New Herschel Walkers, has been suspended from this one game by Coach Hardnose, Mark Richt, for testing positive for Wacky Tobacky. New Mexico State is 3-5, so this should be an easy win for Georgia even without Crowell. Georgia wins.
Pigs vs. Chickens: Steve Spurrier and Bobby Paterino are two the most reviled coaches in the SEC, mainly because they are amoral egotistical jerks (and those are their good qualities). It is hard to imagine how South Carolina can win without Marcus Lattimore. Therefore I'm going to do write something I promised myself I would never write: Arkansas wins.
Georgia Southern vs. The Citadel: Last week, Georgia Southern (whose slogan is “There are bars everywhere down here!”) flew into Boone, North Carolina and proceeded to lay an egg against Ap State. Although they wear the ring at The Citadel (obscure Pat Conroy reference alert), they should be no match for Georgia Southern. Georgia Southern wins.
Birmingham-Southern vs. Rhodes: The Panthers are in the midst of a two game losing streak. Supposedly, the coaches have told The Panthers this week to "Hit the Rhodes, Jack" (Sorry). Birmingham-Southern wins.
AND NOW…..THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME EVER!
Ellessyew vs. Bama: The supposed best two teams in college football, although there is really no way of knowing this, clash in T-town in what should be a game of epic proportions. LSU is number one and Alabama is number two. They are equal in most aspects. They both have great defenses. They both have rabid mentally insane fans, some of whom ACTUALLY WENT TO THE SCHOOL. Alabama has the superior running game and a coach that is probably a genius. On the other hand, LSU’s coach, Les Miles, is a highly functioning retard. Alabama is a little young at quarterback and hasn’t had the opportunity to commit a felony like the starting LSU quarterback. LSU wins, but it will be close.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Rocked Like A Herman Cain
Stop me if you have heard this before: a powerful man makes either crude remarks, unwanted sexual advances, or does something totally inappropriate in front of a woman that is his subordinate. We do not need graphic interpretations. Men know what is crude. Men know what a sexual advance is and if it is wanted. Men know what is inappropriate. What men do not know (and I speak from experience unlike Chaz Bono, I’ve been a dude all of my life) what “physical gestures that were not overtly sexual but that made women who experienced or witnessed them uncomfortable” means.
If we are going to banish Herman Cain to the Land of The Caught Perverts, we ought to know what he did that was so offensive.
This is not at all surprising. We are in a media age in which people scream daily that we should to talk about the “issues” but we rarely do because we are sitting around trying to define non overt sexual gestures that still made two woman uncomfortable.
Also, and this is just a pet peeve of mine that may not be true. With Democrats, the media holds and delays publishing stories until you have a video tape, Twitter pictures, or DNA. With Republicans, hold the presses because any old story will do.
Some of this is Herman Cain’s fault. He knew Politico was going to publish the story ten days before it appeared. That is plenty of time to get your stuff in the same sock, as we say down here. Maybe if his campaign manager would focus on the campaign instead of trying to make cool commercials, Cain could have gotten out in front of the story and it would have been old news by now.
One thing about Cain, he is the only candidate that has any real buzz at this time of the process. Mitt Romney? Sometimes it seems like the Romney campaign has various slogans: Mitt Romney. I Guess. Mitt Romney-Might As Well. Where Cain came up with the nifty (if probably flawed idea) “9-9-9”, Romney has a 400 point economic plan. (This is another thing that frosts me: can anyone simply explain President Megamind’s jobs plan? You can’t because it is a bunch of Liberal Arts/Union balderdash)
Rick Perry recently came out with an economic agenda that he promised to “bump plans” with Cain, whatever that meant. Actually, a lot of things with Rick Perry make you scratch your head. He’s got a ton of money and he's written about a lot, but he hasn’t made a good impression with voters. That is because he is a baboon. Maybe with his flat tax plan, Perry can get back on track and try to make a better impression. I doubt it. He was supposed to be this second coming of Reagan, unlike like the last Texas governor that ran for President. He seems like the least likable guy in the Alpha Betas fraternity.
I’m not a big Herman Cain supporter. This latest episode is just another reason in a long list of why people do not run for President. Lord knows, there might be an incident fifteen years ago when you did a gesture that was not sexual but still made a couple of people uncomfortable. Why would anyone want to put up with that?
If we are going to banish Herman Cain to the Land of The Caught Perverts, we ought to know what he did that was so offensive.
This is not at all surprising. We are in a media age in which people scream daily that we should to talk about the “issues” but we rarely do because we are sitting around trying to define non overt sexual gestures that still made two woman uncomfortable.
Also, and this is just a pet peeve of mine that may not be true. With Democrats, the media holds and delays publishing stories until you have a video tape, Twitter pictures, or DNA. With Republicans, hold the presses because any old story will do.
Some of this is Herman Cain’s fault. He knew Politico was going to publish the story ten days before it appeared. That is plenty of time to get your stuff in the same sock, as we say down here. Maybe if his campaign manager would focus on the campaign instead of trying to make cool commercials, Cain could have gotten out in front of the story and it would have been old news by now.
One thing about Cain, he is the only candidate that has any real buzz at this time of the process. Mitt Romney? Sometimes it seems like the Romney campaign has various slogans: Mitt Romney. I Guess. Mitt Romney-Might As Well. Where Cain came up with the nifty (if probably flawed idea) “9-9-9”, Romney has a 400 point economic plan. (This is another thing that frosts me: can anyone simply explain President Megamind’s jobs plan? You can’t because it is a bunch of Liberal Arts/Union balderdash)
Rick Perry recently came out with an economic agenda that he promised to “bump plans” with Cain, whatever that meant. Actually, a lot of things with Rick Perry make you scratch your head. He’s got a ton of money and he's written about a lot, but he hasn’t made a good impression with voters. That is because he is a baboon. Maybe with his flat tax plan, Perry can get back on track and try to make a better impression. I doubt it. He was supposed to be this second coming of Reagan, unlike like the last Texas governor that ran for President. He seems like the least likable guy in the Alpha Betas fraternity.
I’m not a big Herman Cain supporter. This latest episode is just another reason in a long list of why people do not run for President. Lord knows, there might be an incident fifteen years ago when you did a gesture that was not sexual but still made a couple of people uncomfortable. Why would anyone want to put up with that?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Little Boy In A Big Locker
This is a repeat from another blog I started named "Wierd". It was going to be blog specifically about growing up in East Marietta in the '70's. It is titled "Wierd" because that is way everyone at Wheeler High School spelled "Weird". I soon discovered having one blog is hard enough, but having two is impossible if you anything else going on in your life, such as a job. "Wierd" is no more, but, here is the story I posted in it about the time I got trapped in my locker.
One of the differences between the 70’s and now is that back in the 70’s schools had lockers and kids went to their lockers between classes to get their books for the next class.
Unlike those of my son’s generation who carried a four hundred pound backpack to every single class. There will be some wealthy chiropractors in the future.
When I entered 7th grade at East Cobb Junior High School, it was my first encounter with a locker. Some how, some way, I lucked out and got a big locker.
At East Cobb, lockers came in two sizes: big and small. The small locker was actually a compartmentalized big locker-instead of the one locker, it was two: one stacked on top of the other. The big locker was the size of the two small lockers. At the top of the locker, it had a shelf and it has enough room for a couple of coats.
It was like this: if you had a small locker, it was bad. It barely had enough room for your books and your coat when it was winter. That is, if you didn’t have to share it. A lot of kids had to share a small locker, dividing the top and bottom with a piece of wood. In this case there is only room for the kid’s books. No other item could go in the locker.
How you got a big locker was strictly up to chance. It just depended where you had home room. My home room was next to a set of big lockers, so there you go.
It was beauty, too. It was the first locker in the row, right out side of the Spanish class, taught by a refugee of Castro’s Cuba who had a germ phobia. My combination was 17-5-19. That’s pretty good considering those are numbers from 1971-1972. I’ve had a cell phone, since 1998 and I’ve never learned the cell phone number.
One day before school started, me and a bunch of guys were doing what the East Cobb kids did back then: hang out in the halls. Somebody, and I'm not sure who, said, “Hey Manis”. [ Whenever somebody in my life has said, “Hey Manis”, I know nothing good will follow it] “Why don’t you get into the locker and let us close the door so you can tell us what it is like in a locker?”
To understand why I agreed to this is to understand that I am the type of short person that tries to get along with everyone I possibly can out of the realization that everybody can beat me up. So I agreed.
I got into the locker and the door was shut. There were slits in the door, so I could see out a little bit. The guys were in fine form. “Uh, what’s that combination again, oh man, the locker’s jammed! You may have to stay in there all night”.
I was okay. I knew they were clowning around and then I heard that voice.
The voice of Tater. [Note: not his real name. When I published this last year someone on Facebook remembered this kid and published his full name.]
Tater was a kid I feared and for some reason he smelled the fear and came around me as much as he could. He was a tough hombre, only 7th grader I have ever met that had a tattoo. He also, and this is the truth, chewed on a tooth pick all day, like he was some sort of Robert Blake impressionist.
“Maaaaaaanis…are you in there?” I wanted to say, No, Tater, I’m not in here, but I was very certain I would get out and I wouldn’t want Tater to be mad with me.
For you see, I not only feared Tater, I would have dreams about Tater throwing me off of the Holt Road bridge into Sope Creek. He was my own personal Freddie Kruger.
“Hold on, I’ll get you out” and with that he began punching the locker door like he was Joe Frazier. It was very loud and I’m not sure how he thought beating the door was going to help me. It seemed to help him.
“Did you feel that?” he asked. Um, no, Tater, I haven’t become one with the locker door, but again I wussed out and said it was okay.
Then the bell rang for home room. Everybody left. I was stuck in my locker. Alone. So I did the only thing I could think off: kick the door and yell for help.
It felt like a long time, but it probably wasn’t when Sammy Lawhorne came up and opened my locker, letting me out. I was late to home room for the first and only time of the year. The teacher didn't ask me why I was late.
If that had happen today, I’m pretty sure a movie would have been made out of it or at least a reality TV show. But, by the time third period rolled around, it was yesterday’s news except somebody told my math teacher, Mrs. Fussel, who said I could have died. Nobody got in trouble and now that I think about it I’m not sure I ever told my mother about it.
One of the differences between the 70’s and now is that back in the 70’s schools had lockers and kids went to their lockers between classes to get their books for the next class.
Unlike those of my son’s generation who carried a four hundred pound backpack to every single class. There will be some wealthy chiropractors in the future.
When I entered 7th grade at East Cobb Junior High School, it was my first encounter with a locker. Some how, some way, I lucked out and got a big locker.
At East Cobb, lockers came in two sizes: big and small. The small locker was actually a compartmentalized big locker-instead of the one locker, it was two: one stacked on top of the other. The big locker was the size of the two small lockers. At the top of the locker, it had a shelf and it has enough room for a couple of coats.
It was like this: if you had a small locker, it was bad. It barely had enough room for your books and your coat when it was winter. That is, if you didn’t have to share it. A lot of kids had to share a small locker, dividing the top and bottom with a piece of wood. In this case there is only room for the kid’s books. No other item could go in the locker.
How you got a big locker was strictly up to chance. It just depended where you had home room. My home room was next to a set of big lockers, so there you go.
It was beauty, too. It was the first locker in the row, right out side of the Spanish class, taught by a refugee of Castro’s Cuba who had a germ phobia. My combination was 17-5-19. That’s pretty good considering those are numbers from 1971-1972. I’ve had a cell phone, since 1998 and I’ve never learned the cell phone number.
One day before school started, me and a bunch of guys were doing what the East Cobb kids did back then: hang out in the halls. Somebody, and I'm not sure who, said, “Hey Manis”. [ Whenever somebody in my life has said, “Hey Manis”, I know nothing good will follow it] “Why don’t you get into the locker and let us close the door so you can tell us what it is like in a locker?”
To understand why I agreed to this is to understand that I am the type of short person that tries to get along with everyone I possibly can out of the realization that everybody can beat me up. So I agreed.
I got into the locker and the door was shut. There were slits in the door, so I could see out a little bit. The guys were in fine form. “Uh, what’s that combination again, oh man, the locker’s jammed! You may have to stay in there all night”.
I was okay. I knew they were clowning around and then I heard that voice.
The voice of Tater. [Note: not his real name. When I published this last year someone on Facebook remembered this kid and published his full name.]
Tater was a kid I feared and for some reason he smelled the fear and came around me as much as he could. He was a tough hombre, only 7th grader I have ever met that had a tattoo. He also, and this is the truth, chewed on a tooth pick all day, like he was some sort of Robert Blake impressionist.
“Maaaaaaanis…are you in there?” I wanted to say, No, Tater, I’m not in here, but I was very certain I would get out and I wouldn’t want Tater to be mad with me.
For you see, I not only feared Tater, I would have dreams about Tater throwing me off of the Holt Road bridge into Sope Creek. He was my own personal Freddie Kruger.
“Hold on, I’ll get you out” and with that he began punching the locker door like he was Joe Frazier. It was very loud and I’m not sure how he thought beating the door was going to help me. It seemed to help him.
“Did you feel that?” he asked. Um, no, Tater, I haven’t become one with the locker door, but again I wussed out and said it was okay.
Then the bell rang for home room. Everybody left. I was stuck in my locker. Alone. So I did the only thing I could think off: kick the door and yell for help.
It felt like a long time, but it probably wasn’t when Sammy Lawhorne came up and opened my locker, letting me out. I was late to home room for the first and only time of the year. The teacher didn't ask me why I was late.
If that had happen today, I’m pretty sure a movie would have been made out of it or at least a reality TV show. But, by the time third period rolled around, it was yesterday’s news except somebody told my math teacher, Mrs. Fussel, who said I could have died. Nobody got in trouble and now that I think about it I’m not sure I ever told my mother about it.
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