A post about Prop Bets from a Baptist may sound a bit odd—almost as odd as "Baptist Sipping Whiskey" or a calendar featuring "The Sexy Women of The WMU".
First, I need to define a Prop Bet. A Prop Bet is a bet which "may or may not have a direct bearing on the final score." It happens all the time in the betting world, especially for a big game like the Super Bowl, where people bet who wins the coin toss and/or how many times Taylor Swift is mentioned in the broadcast. (In the last Super Bowl, if you bet Taylor Swift was mentioned 480 times in the broadcast, you won.)
There will be a Presidential debate between President Magoo and ex-President Current Felon Orange, the apparent nominees of the major parties.
This is highly unusual because 1) It is in the middle of the summer, and 2) the parties still need to nominate them officially.
I think this is because, deep down, both Democrats and Republicans want this election to be over as quickly as possible. Plus, both parties hate us.
This debate, down the street from me in Atlanta, has the political world in a tizzy because the political world thinks debates help decide elections, except when they don't help decide elections
I'm not sure how many people will watch this debate. There's always baseball, and Netflix has a seven-part documentary on The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Of course, I would never watch a documentary on beautiful young women hopping around in hot pants when I could watch two 80-year-men yell at each other.
But I have listed several prop bets if you want to make a little scratch on the side. Remember, this is for simple entertainment purposes only and if you have a gambling problem please seek immediate attention before College Football season starts and you lose a lot of dough.
How many times will Trump say "rigged"?
How many minutes into the debate before Biden wanders off stage?
How many times does Trump keep talking after they turn his microphone off?
How many times does Biden use the word "Democracy"?
How many times will the CNN panel of Jake Tapper and Dan Bash fact-check Donald Trump? "No, Mr.Trump, this sky is not the most amazing blue you've ever seen in your life."
How many times will Trump mention the border?
How many times will Biden refer to Trump as a felon?
How many times will the CNN panel of Jake Tapper and Dana Bash fact-check Joe Biden. I already know this one. The answer is ZERO. Even if Biden starts in on one of his patented tall tales like he was once the starting quarterback of the Green Bay Packers and/or that he co-wrote Dr Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech.
How many times will Trump say something that is rude, crude, and socially unacceptable?
How many times will Biden claim the economy is "not really that bad"?
How many times will Trump say "Drill, Baby, Drill"?
How many times in the debate will Biden challenge Trump to a wrestling match?
How many times will Trump refer to illegal immigrants as vermin and how many times will Biden refer to them as "friends we haven't met yet"?
How many questions from the CNN panel of Jake Tapper and Dana Bash will be about the growing budget deficit and debt? (Answer: Zero)
Will both men be asked about Catlin Clark and the WNBA?
How many times will Trump refer to the rioters of January 6th as patriots, "including the guy who pooped on the floor" and promises to pardon them, but he hasn't decided on the guy who pooped on the floor because, "even I would say that was kind of gross".
How will both men answer the question "the person they most admire"? (Trump: "Me". Biden: "My dad because he would always say, 'Joey, don't worry about people who dress up in animal costumes and make out. That's another subgroup that you can exploit for your own electoral advantage'. He was always saying things like that back in the days when they had bumble bees on quarters and you could take a dollar and tell the guy at the cash registrar that you wanted 'four bees, please' because I was a cool guy back then and all the chicks loved me. Then I would tell that guy to look out for Corn Pop because he was a bad dude."
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