Little Pink Coffins

 

It has been a wild news week with former maybe next President Trump being indicted for the 4,000th time. 

But enough with the political slop; it is time to review the news the lame mainstream media chose to ignore because it didn't follow their diabolical plan to make everybody liberal Democrats.

First up:  what is the one product Americans are dying for?

Pink coffins.

What better way to spend eternity than in little pink coffins made for you and me?

Pink coffins have become popular due to the movie "Barbie," which is based on a toy because Hollywood has run out of comic books to make movies about.

Before you ask: I haven't seen "Barbie" because I am an over sixty male and have no interest in it.  

I'm sure "Barbie" has a lot of important things to say, like how men suck, but that's just speculation on my part.  Hollywood is really big on the topic of Men Sucking, and we need strong, empowered women to save the day.

Or it doesn't. I don't know, and I don't care. It might be a fun, comic movie. It may be the most important movie ever made.  

Comedian Marc Maron, who is important because he has a podcast, said, "I saw Barbie and I thought it was a <bad word> masterpiece, and like, I don’t throw that word around lightly." I've listened to his podcast, so I know he wasn't tossing the bad word around lightly. 

He goes on to say, “It does a fairly amazing thing to create a sort of broad-based entertainment product that applies to the entire spectrum, I think, primarily of women, and then just seep it in progressive politics and basic feminism in a way that’s funny, informative, and well-executed in a context that is completely engaging, is <bad word>monumental.” 

I know if there is one thing our broad-based entertainment products need: movies based on toys that apply  the entire spectrum of progressive politics and basic feminism. It also helps if it is funny.

That was the entire problem with "Transformer" movies. They didn't apply the entire spectrum of progressive politics. Do better, Hollywood.

A few weeks ago on X, the site formerly known as Twitter, there was a massive controversy that Margot Robbie (who plays Barbie) was not all that good-looking despite being a young shapely blonde, which I always thought was the scientific definition of good-looking.

But what do I know?  I went to Cobb County Public Schools.

Anyway you know how those coffin makers are. They like to jump on any fad, even when there is a national pink paint shortage, which never happened during the Reagan administration.

The New York Post reports, "Funeral homes are offering hot pink Barbie-themed coffins for fans who hope to take their love for the Mattel doll to the grave."

The coffin maker said, "This coffin, with its striking bright pink color, represents the spark and energy of those unforgettable moments they lived. It is a reminder that our stories deserve to be remembered and celebrated with color and vibrancy. May this tribute be a celebration full of love, colors and unforgettable memories.”

The hot pink coffin also reminds us that our dearly departed was a loon.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is The United States is behind other countries when it comes to hot pink coffins.  Funeral Homes in El Salvador were selling hot pink coffins last year. Where was Joe Biden?

 On top of that, the United States is way behind in manufacturing Flamethrowing Tubas.

A Dutch Youtuber named "Master Milo" has built and tested a Flamethrowing Tuba that uses a chainsaw motor and propane fuel. You can watch it here. https://www.borninspace.com/testing-a-flamethrowing-tuba-fire-in-your-hole/

Where was the United States when all of this was going on?

I'll tell you: going to the "Barbie" movie.