Learning From Lucy

I am not making this up: Dave Barry has a new book out.

That's not news. Dave Barry is always releasing a book.  For a while, it seemed like he had a new book every six months. Dave Barry Slept Here. Dave Barry Talks Back. Dave Barry Does Japan. Dave Barry's Complete Guide To Guys. Dave Barry Forgets His Wallet, Dave Barry Does The Dishes, Dave Barry Explains His Haircut.

Okay, the last three titles I made up, but the point is Dave Barry has written a lot of Dave Barry books and Dave Barry sells a lot of books because Dave Barry is one of the funniest people on this planet.


Dave Barry's book is called Lessons From Lucy: The Simple Joys Of An Old Happy Dog.

The premise is this: Dave Barry is 70 years old (actually, he's 71). His dog, Lucy, is 10 years old, which means Lucy is the same age as Dave. (Note: for this to work, you have to accept the 1 dog year equals 7 human years theory. Therefore, a 10-year-old dog would be 70 years old because  10 x 7 = 70. I went to Cobb County Public Schools.  However, a quick check on something called "the internet" shows that it is not that simple. The breed and size of the dog are now used to determine the age equivalency of the dog. For example, a 10-year-old small dog would be 56 in "people" years. What's interesting Lucy is a fairly large dog and would be 66 under the new Dog Age math.


Dave Barry learns 7 lessons from Lucy.

1. Make New Friends (And Keep The Ones You Have)

2. Don't Stop Having Fun (And If You Have Stopped, Start Having Fun Again).

3. Pay Attention To The People You Love (Not Later, Right Now).

4  Let Go Of Your Anger, Unless It's About Something Really Important Which It Almost Never Is.

5. Try Not To Judge People By Their Looks And Don't Obsess Over Your Own.

6. Don't Let Your Happiness Depend On Things. They Don't Make You Truly Happy and You'll Never Have Enough Anyway.

7. Don't Lie Unless You Have a Really Good Reason Which You Probably Don't. 

Each of these lessons is presented with Dave Barry's explanation of how Lucy taught him the lesson.  Of course, each lesson is laugh out loud funny.  Nobody can write about a dog like Dave Barry.  In the next to last chapter, Dave Barry gives himself a grade and he's pretty tough on himself. Here are mine.

1. I give myself a B+ if you count people I meet using social media.  I've made several friends on Facebook with people I've never met in my life.  In person, I give myself a C-.  I'm not rude, but I have to "warm up" to new people. Plus, and this is a fact, some people are jerks.

2. B. It depends what you mean by having fun.  If you mean staying up all night, nope, I'm not having fun.  But if it means watching a good TV show, like Bosch, then I'm having fun.

3. A-  I work remotely at my house 5 days a week and my wife works 2-3 days a week at home It's like that line from the John Prine song  "If I get lost I can always find her standing right beside me in the rain."  I think I  pay attention to the people I love and as soon as I remember my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a present.


4. A-  I'm slow to anger mainly because my anger doesn't work because I either get red-faced (due to my hypertension) or I act like a rabid chihuahua. I've never heard the statement: "Don't tell Alan, it might make him mad".  Now, I get irritated and ticked off. But not angry.


5. C-  I judge people by the way they look.  For example, if a guy has multiple face tattoos, gages, and a nose ring, I tend to believe he's not a neurologist. I also judge people, if they are from Cobb County like me, where they went to high school. I held a prejudice against one of my son's football coaches because he went to Sprayberry High School, which was Red Neck Central when I was in high school.  I might have some work to do.

6.  B+  For a center-right Republican voting almost old man, I'm not very materialistic.  I just traded up my TV set from a tube set I bought in 2002 to a snazzy smart flat screen tv. That's how I know Bosch (a show recommended to me by a Facebook friend I've never met) is such a good show. But, and this is the truth, I generally don't care what other people have.

7  B-   I generally do not lie and I don't go around telling what I know to be untrue.  But, I always don't say what I think.  My family tree has a lot of people proud of the fact "they said what was on their mind".  I've found, during my not as long of a life as Dave Barry, people really don't care what is on my mind because they are too busy telling me what's on their mind.

In Lessons From Lucy,  Dave Barry has written another great Dave Barry book and you should buy it.  I am not making this up.