My Advice To Newlyweds

We went to what will probably be our last wedding for a while.

You know how it is. When you are young, it seems like you are going to a wedding every other weekend.

There was one Saturday we had two weddings. We had to go to both.  For real.

One, in the afternoon, was when my sister-in-law married my other brother-in-law named Bill. My wife was the Matron of Honor.

The other, which was in the evening, was a couple who broke their necks (figuratively) coming to ours.

Oh yeah, it was on my 27th birthday.

I doubt I could do two weddings on the same day anymore.  I'm not sure I could do two weddings in the same year.

For the past couple of years, we've been going to our friend's children's weddings.  The one yesterday was the youngest child of a friend of ours.  We went to his brother's and sister's weddings. Most of that young man's friends are friends of ours and we went to their weddings.  I think it is the last of the bunch.

The Groom is a tall, handsome lad. The Bride is a petite, beautiful young lady.

As I watched them exchange vows, I thought of this line from John Prine:

"Love gives, love takes.
 It takes a lot of lucky breaks."

In this case, it was very true. The Bride, just ten years ago, was in a Nicaragua orphanage.  As a teenager, she was adopted by an American couple that just happened to live in Woodstock, Georgia. They happened to be involved in the church. The Bride shares their faith and she just happened to meet The Groom, who happens to share the same faith.

It takes a lot of lucky breaks.

Speaking of lucky breaks, this wedding was a day after our 33rd wedding anniversary.

When I was single, I never thought I'd be married 33 minutes, much less 33 years.

33 years is a long time. It was so long ago (how....long...ago....was....it?), nobody had ever heard of Bill Clinton, much less of Hillary Clinton. It was so long ago, Donald Trump was still married to his first wife.  It was so long ago, American's favorite dad was Bill Cosby.

Things have changed. Back then, you still had pay phones.  Nobody had computers in their homes unless they were super rich or a super nerd.

Now I have friends who married around the same time.  Some of their marriages lasted. Some of theirs didn't.  Some of them have married multiple times, with the same results. I have learned some lessons from all of these marriages, including my own, and I have formulated my Keys to a Long Lasting Marriage.

1. Do not have sex with other people.

2. Do not be a jerk.

3. Try to listen.  The proudest day of my marriage is one time my wife was telling me something as I was attempting to fill my plate in a buffet line.  For those of you that know me, multi-tasking is something  (walking, chewing gum)  I am only marginal at best.  She was pregnant with our son at the time and occasionally was more sensitive than usual. She suddenly accused me of not listening to a word she said.  My response?  I quoted what she just said word for word. The truth?  Boy, I was lucky I was listening to her that time.

4. Have specific duties in the marriage.  For example, my wife handles "the books".  I'm just eye candy.

5.  Remember your spouse is a human, too. They have feelings and you do not have the right to hurt their feelings.

6.  Take your spouse seriously, but do not take yourself seriously.