This Week's Picks

It is important to remember this one very important fact: no matter how many problems we have in America, at least we're not drawing Mr. Spock on our dollar bills.

Mr. Spock was a character in the TV show "Star Trek", which is a show I enjoyed when I was seven and for some reason did not obsess over it for the rest of my life. How I escaped this form of geekdom is beyond me.

I'm not quite sure what Mr. Spock's job was  (please do not tell me) except to look at Captain Kirk and raise an eyebrow (which is Vulcan body language for: "You are really overacting now, Shatner" )

However, he was quite popular on a very popular show and when the actor who played Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) died, people in Canada started to draw Mr. Spock on their five dollar bills.  I'm sure this is: A) Donald Trump's fault; B) Barack Obama's fault; or C) Hillary Clinton's fault. To be on the safe side, I would blame all three of them.

The Bank of Canada (slogan: "Hey Hoser, We're Your Bank, Eh?") has officially politely requested all Canadians to stop drawing Mr. Spock on their five dollar bills.

The request reads: "However, there are important reasons why it should not be done. Writing on a bank note may interfere with the security features and reduces its lifespan. Markings on a note may also prevent it from being accepted in a transaction. Furthermore, the Bank of Canada feels that writing and markings on bank notes are inappropriate as they are a symbol of our country and a source of national pride".

I think we can all agree that Leonard Nimoy is an inappropriate symbol of Canada. Even if he does have a goatee.

Live Long and Prosper You Hoser

This Week's Picks!


Bummed Puppies vs Chickens:  If the last minute of the UGA-Tennessee game and the French Onion Hamburger Steak from The West Cobb Diner (Motto: "Hey Alan, Have Some More") doesn't put me in the Cardiac Care wing of the hospital, nothing will.  After two losses, UGA is looking to get back on track against South Carolina because The Illegal Fighting Birds  are having their typical season (Meh). At press time, it is not known if the game will be played in Columbia or on Saturday due to Hurricane Matthew McConaughey.  Alright, alright , alright, whenever they play, the Bulldogs should win. UGA wins.

Where Everybody Knows My Name

Wrecked vs The Pitts:  If there's one thing you can count on, you can count on that if Coach Grumpy Cat's Triple Freakin' Option offense doesn't  score early, Tech will probably lose. Last week's game against Miami was the typical Tech wreck. The Hurricane defense scored twice because of Tech miscues. If you know Mark Spain, just let him know that he should expect a call from somebody with the initials of PJ sometime in late November.  Pitt wins.

The Head Coach of The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Bamy vs Pigs:  This week, The Tide plays the Razorbacks of Arkansas, the home of the most annoying cheer in The Southeastern Conference. ("Sooey, Sooey, Pig, Pig" repeated four billion times.)  However, it is also the  home of the hottest wife of a head coach in the history of college football, Jen Bielema. Despite all of this beauty, Bama should prevail over the Pigs.  Bama wins.

Jen Bielema

Rocky Top vs. Ags:  For some reason, this year, I seem to know a lot of Tennessee fans. Lucky me. Speaking of luck, Tennessee is playing Texas A&M this week and Bama next week, so they'll need all the luck they can get.  If they win the next two games, they'll probably change the name of Knoxville to ButchJonesville.  I don't think that will happen. Texas A&M wins.

Beloved Hooters vs Missouri S&T: I thought I'd mention that Kennesaw State was the only Division One Georgia school that won last week. This week, my beloved 3-1 Owls take on Missouri S&T. The "S&T" stands for Science and Technology.  Where else can you get information like that? Owls win.