This Week's Picks: Week One And A Half

 

 

College Football starts, for real, this Saturday.

Sure, there were a couple of games last Saturday, and Notre Dame played Navy in Dublin for some unknown reason. However, "a full slate" of games starts on September 2nd.

College Football has changed a lot.  Last year was the first year of NIL-"Name, Image, and Likeness," which means the players can get some scratch.  

The Big Ten Conference, which used to be just in the Midwest, will now stretch from sea to shining sea in 2024. The Big Twelve picked up Arizona, Arizona State, and Utah for 2024; Oklahoma and Texas will play in the SEC in 2024,which means they will no longer be in The Top Ten.

As Bear Bryant used to say, "The times they are a changing."

 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs. The Martineers:  Georgia begins their defense their 2022 NCAA Championship Crown by playing the University of Tennessee-Martin (Motto: "Just tell people you went to Tennessee.") Coach Kirby will make sure everybody will focus on the process. Dawgs win.

 

Bees vs. Lousyville:  Georgia Tech fired Coach Jeff with a G last year and hired <check notes> Brent Key. The players seemed to respond to whatever Coach Brent said because they played better. Louisville has a new coach, too: Jeff Brohm. The Internet says Louisville had a good off-season. Who am I to argue with the Internet? Louisville wins.

 

The Ahia State vs. Who's Her:  Ohio State almost defeated Georgia and would have torn apart TCU like Georgia did. Indiana is waiting for basketball season. Ohio State wins.

 

Bamy vs. Middle of Tennessee:  At halftime of the UGA-TCU game, ESPN analyst David Pollock looked straight at Nick Saban and said, "Georgia, obviously we’ve seen in the past couple seasons now, they’ve taken hold of college football," meaning Georgia is great and Bama is bumpkis. Of course, Pollack was "laid off" by ESPN this past summer. Alabama will be Alabama this year, like always. As fun as a Middle Tennessee State win would be, it is not in the cards. Bama wins.

 

Ellesyou vs. The State of Florida.  LSU and Florida State are supposedly back!  We'll see. I think LSU is a little more back than Florida State.  LSU wins


My Beloved Owls vs. Tusculum.  Last year was a pretty tough year for My Owls.  We were 5-6 with only one conference win.  However, the big news for the Owls is they are jumping to the FBS in 2024 and will be in Conference USA.   Tusculum is a private Presbyterian university in Greenville, Tennessee, a town I have been to for real.  They are a Division II school and will not jump to Conference USA.  Owls win.

Your 2024 GOP Candidates

 

 

Yes, the first of the 2024 GOP candidate debates was held last week on Fox News (Motto: "Tucker? Tucker Who?").

I did not watch the debates because I am old (raise your hand if you are old), and I can't stay up past 10:00 and work the next day unless I drink 400 Red Bulls.  

However, I've read the Op-Ed pieces and Twitter (Or X or whatever Elon calls it these days), and I have a pretty clear picture of the candidates.

Here are my thoughts on the candidates.

 

 

Asa Hutchinson: The former governor of Arkansas. Trump talks about making America great again. I dream of an America where Arkansas is not a stepping stone to The White House. He's been an US attorney, a Congressman, and the governor of Arkansas. This means he is totally unqualified to be the nominee of the Republican Party.  For the record, "Asa" is a gender neutral name of Hebrew origin meaning "Sooey, Pig-Pig".

 

Doug Burgum:  He is the current governor of North Dakota and possesses the best eyebrows in politics. Biggest problem (besides being from North Dakota) is nobody can picture a President Doug.

 

 

Tim Scott:  Senator from South Carolina. He seems like a nice guy, which means he'll come in last. He's not married, but he doesn't have the hint of mint that Lindsey Graham has.

Chris Christie:  Former Governor of New Jersey. Yes, I predicted he would become President in 2016, so I was wrong, big deal. Christie has made it his mission to take out Donald Trump, making him the second most evil man on the planet to the MAGA folks. Don't fall asleep on Christie because he might just steal your lunch. (I just had to get in a gratuitous fat joke.)

 

 

Mike Pence: Former Vice President of The United States. He is the most evil man in MAGA land because he wouldn't be Trump's friend and do whatever cockamamie idea Trump had on January 6th. He's not the most exciting guy around. He lost the 2020 Vice Presidential debate because he had a fly on his head.

 

 

Nikki Haley: Former Governor of South Carolina. From the news clips I saw, Nikki Haley looked like the next President of The United States.  She scolded Vivek Ramaswamy like a mom catching a teenager coming in past curfew. Do you think Joe Biden could handle that?

 

  

Ron DeSantis:  Governor of Florida. It looked like he would be the alternative to Trump, then things started to sputter. He's young and intelligent and seemed to be the only person in America (besides Brian Kemp) who knew how to handle the pandemic. He looks just a tad bit weird, but he's got a hot wife.

 

Vivek Ramaswamy. Millennial Millionaire Tech entrepreneur. He's 38 years old and looks like he can still throw a Frisbee around the Quad with his bros after he downs a few brewskis. He seemed to dominate the Debate despite not knowing what he was talking about. (I'm not sure where he picked that up from.) You can tell VIVEK IS SO JACKED OVER HIS PERFORMANCE. Just wait until Donnie starts showing up at the Debates and starts calling Vivek "Vay-Vay" or "Va-Yeech" or just "Junior," and Vivek will fold like a cheap suit. 

Donald Trump:  Despite the main reason that the GOP has lost three elections, many people in The GOP think he walks on water. Oh yeah, he has been indicted four times. This has made him more popular than before. He thinks the 2024 election will be about the 2020 election. If he loses again, he will say it is because the other side cheated. You can take that to the bank

Sixty-four

 

I just had another birthday. It was an almost big one. Sixty-four.  This means one more year until the really big one: Sixty-five.

When I was younger, I thought sixty-four was old.  I don't believe that now.

Oh sure, the culture is like the scene in "Monty Python And The Holy Grail" where time is yelling, "bring out yer dead," and people are trying to put me in the wheelbarrow.

But I'm still a young, whippersnappering spring chicken.  I still get pimples, for heaven's sake.

I must acknowledge there have been a lot of changes in the past sixty-four years.

In 1959, my home town,  Marietta, Georgia, was a one-horse town. That horse was named Lockheed.  Back then, Marietta was a "long ways" from Atlanta.  Now, it is hard to tell where Marietta ends and Atlanta starts.

There wasn't even a Big Chicken when I was born in Marietta. That's how old I am.

I was the third son born in four years. We lived in a two-bedroom house on Meadowbrook Drive.  My Grandmother would spend half the year with us and my parents turned a "den" into a bedroom. So, we upgraded to a three-bedroom house.

We had a TV in the living room. There were four channels. 2 (NBC), 5 (CBS), 11 (ABC), and 8 (Educational).

It was in that living room my mother and grandmother were watching their "stories" when they heard Walter Cronkite announce that shots were fired at  The President in Dallas. 

As Cedric The Entertainer, once said, "You can't smoke on Earth no more."  It wasn't like that back then.  

It is hard to comprehend now, but people could smoke anywhere back then, including doctors during surgery.

Cigarettes were almost like medicine. You smoked to calm your nerves or stay thin.

Old Man Manis smoked Winstons, which tasted good like a cigarette should. Or Viceroy. I don't remember which. There were a million brands with a million TV commercials with neat slogans and jingles. 

By the time I could read and write, cigarettes were found to have caused cancer and COPD. Old Man Manis died of COPD,

So I never had an interest in taking up smoking. 

Entertainment is different too. People cuss like sailors in the movies now. Back then, you might have heard "heck" on TV.  Married couples slept in twin beds.  I don't know how there were so many baby boomers.

I must admit to a prejudice in our music. Our music was better than our parents' music. Our music is way better than today's music which scientists have concluded: "really suck."  You can't argue with science.

But as I look back, I am grateful to have lived in the best country on the planet at the best time in history.

We can take pictures with our phones. And like our kids, our phones are smart. 

Sure, our leaders have gone from Eisenhower and Kennedy to Trump and Biden. But we haven't been in a major World War in my lifetime, and I didn't even have to register for the draft. 

I promise to try and not to act like Abe Simpson, yelling at a cloud.  It is challenging for people my age and older because the old days seem better. I was there, and in a lot of ways, they were. 

But in a lot of ways, they were not.

As Tom Petty once said, "I'm just happy to be here, happy to be alive."

Me too, Tom.  Me too.

Little Pink Coffins

 

It has been a wild news week with former maybe next President Trump being indicted for the 4,000th time. 

But enough with the political slop; it is time to review the news the lame mainstream media chose to ignore because it didn't follow their diabolical plan to make everybody liberal Democrats.

First up:  what is the one product Americans are dying for?

Pink coffins.

What better way to spend eternity than in little pink coffins made for you and me?

Pink coffins have become popular due to the movie "Barbie," which is based on a toy because Hollywood has run out of comic books to make movies about.

Before you ask: I haven't seen "Barbie" because I am an over sixty male and have no interest in it.  

I'm sure "Barbie" has a lot of important things to say, like how men suck, but that's just speculation on my part.  Hollywood is really big on the topic of Men Sucking, and we need strong, empowered women to save the day.

Or it doesn't. I don't know, and I don't care. It might be a fun, comic movie. It may be the most important movie ever made.  

Comedian Marc Maron, who is important because he has a podcast, said, "I saw Barbie and I thought it was a <bad word> masterpiece, and like, I don’t throw that word around lightly." I've listened to his podcast, so I know he wasn't tossing the bad word around lightly. 

He goes on to say, “It does a fairly amazing thing to create a sort of broad-based entertainment product that applies to the entire spectrum, I think, primarily of women, and then just seep it in progressive politics and basic feminism in a way that’s funny, informative, and well-executed in a context that is completely engaging, is <bad word>monumental.” 

I know if there is one thing our broad-based entertainment products need: movies based on toys that apply  the entire spectrum of progressive politics and basic feminism. It also helps if it is funny.

That was the entire problem with "Transformer" movies. They didn't apply the entire spectrum of progressive politics. Do better, Hollywood.

A few weeks ago on X, the site formerly known as Twitter, there was a massive controversy that Margot Robbie (who plays Barbie) was not all that good-looking despite being a young shapely blonde, which I always thought was the scientific definition of good-looking.

But what do I know?  I went to Cobb County Public Schools.

Anyway you know how those coffin makers are. They like to jump on any fad, even when there is a national pink paint shortage, which never happened during the Reagan administration.

The New York Post reports, "Funeral homes are offering hot pink Barbie-themed coffins for fans who hope to take their love for the Mattel doll to the grave."

The coffin maker said, "This coffin, with its striking bright pink color, represents the spark and energy of those unforgettable moments they lived. It is a reminder that our stories deserve to be remembered and celebrated with color and vibrancy. May this tribute be a celebration full of love, colors and unforgettable memories.”

The hot pink coffin also reminds us that our dearly departed was a loon.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is The United States is behind other countries when it comes to hot pink coffins.  Funeral Homes in El Salvador were selling hot pink coffins last year. Where was Joe Biden?

 On top of that, the United States is way behind in manufacturing Flamethrowing Tubas.

A Dutch Youtuber named "Master Milo" has built and tested a Flamethrowing Tuba that uses a chainsaw motor and propane fuel. You can watch it here. https://www.borninspace.com/testing-a-flamethrowing-tuba-fire-in-your-hole/

Where was the United States when all of this was going on?

I'll tell you: going to the "Barbie" movie.