This Week's Picks 2019

Here we are back again.

For 17 years, I've done some form of "This Week's Picks".

Before Facebook and Twitter, there was something called "message boards".  Somebody started one for the graduates of my high school. It was called Wheeleralumni.com.   You could post topics and my fellow Wildcats would comment.

It was fun, but I will tell you that some people take  College Football very seriously and do not have a sense of humor if you poke fun at their team.  I call most of these people "Auburn fans".

Ha, ha. Just a joke. Actually, they are called "Tech Fans",

No, really, just joking again. Tech fans are fine considering they are insane. I mean, getting a Tech fan to admit that Tech is a middling team is like pulling teeth. They will pull out all sorts of algorithms to prove that Tech is better than every team in the SEC, including Alabama.

For reasons that can be only described as "Wheeler", the Wheeler alumni.com went away and I went to another Wheeler alumni message board. It was there, I decided to make picks on all of the bowl games. Do you know how many bowl games are played? Billions.

After that season, I decided to join the blogging world. TWP became a weekly blog post because one thing nobody ever tells you about blogging: you have to have content.

2012 almost killed me, blogging wise. I would blog on whatever I found interesting then I would also do TWP.  The next year, I just posted it on my Facebook page. Then I brought it back to my blog. I'm going to try to post multiple posts this year: TWP and Other Posts.

Welcome back.

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs The Commode Doors: UGA begins its season trying to figure out a way to beat Alabama by playing Vanderbilt.  Usually, UGA starts with Southwestern Northeast State or some other directional school.  Vandy has up and down years if you describe up as "winning more games than you lose". Although UGA is in a minor rebuilding year, they shouldn't have a problem.  Dawgs win.

Bumbles vs Number One:  Finally, the Paul Johnson era has ended at Tech. His "Triple Option" Offense was fun to watch the first billion times you saw it. The Geoff Collins era has begun and his offense is more "conventional" than Johnson's.  It really doesn't matter which offense is played in this game because Tech is playing last year's champion, Clemson.  Clemson is bigger, stronger, and faster than Tech. Oh yeah, they are better too. Don't feel bad Bees, there are 148 other teams in the same boat.  Clemson wins.


Jawja Suthern vs Ellesyou:  If there is a crazier place on earth than Georgia Southern University (Motto:  "It Is Five O'Clock Somewhere"), it is Louisiana State University.  The Eagles of my son's alma mater had a couple of rough years, but it seems like they are back on track. They "could" give LSU some trouble, but I just don't see them winning this game. LSU wins.


Quackers vs War Tigers: In case you didn't know, Auburn fans have a bit of an inferiority complex. Imagine having to be an Auburn fan in Alabama. First with Bear Bryant and all his teams and now with Nick Saban. Maybe that's why the school's motto is "We Can't Have Nice Things". Boy, I really do not like this game for Auburn. I just don't. The Gus Bus is like a Greyhound bus: It is a dog of a way to get around. Oregon wins.


Beloved Owls vs Point University:  No joke, the President of Point University once threw me a touchdown pass in a touch football game. That was the highlight of my athletic career.  My Owls are rebuilding some this year, but they should be okay against Point.  Owls win!

T

Ten Years After

Big announcement time:  Humor Me, my award-winning blog (what award? -this is funny if you can imagine Jim Gaffigan saying it in that voice of his) is now ten years old.

Here is my first blog post from September 1, 2009.  Be prepared to be impressed.

"Humor Me is my blog and its sole purpose is to try to be as funny as possible. That’s it. I’m going to write a lot about College Football, politics, movies, and a bunch of other stuff.

I’ve got big plans for this blog. I’m running my weekly “College Picks” that I’ve been doing as a lark on the Wheeler Alumni pages. I’m thinking about doing a “Mad Men” update each week. I’m sure the President will be doing something for me poke fun at.

One thing: I’m going for laughs about 90% of the time. While I do hold strong opinions about many topics (Lima Beans-yuck), I don’t expect everyone to agree with me a hundred per-cent of the time. I can’t help it if you are stupid."

Looking back, I think I've followed my mission statement: To try to be as funny as possible.  I really don't have any other agenda except to say what is on my mind and to be funny at the same time.

I have written a lot about College Football.  I brought my This Week's Picks over to Humor Me even though I really don't know that much about College Football except Ohio State or Notre Dame will always be in the Top Five no matter their win-loss records.

I have written a lot about politics. An early blog post I am proud of is "The Faberge Egg". (Here it is: https://manisville.blogspot.com/2009/10/fibrage-egg.html ) It may be hard to remember, but there was a time when the President of The United States was not considered an existential threat but rather as a savior from our past sins.  As much as President Orange is vilified now, President Obama was worshipped.

Another early post was  President Obama giving the "Date In Infamy" speech. I was proud of that one, too. I think I got Obama just right. I tried doing it with Trump, but it is hard writing like he speaks. https://manisville.blogspot.com/2010/01/franklin-delano-obama.html

By the way, I said not once, but twice that Trump would never become President.(https://manisville.blogspot.com/2011/04/who-will-not-become-president-donald.html and https://manisville.blogspot.com/2015/07/who-will-not-become-president-donald.html) Despite this, I have been accused a couple of times of being a "Trumpster". I always brush this aside and put it down as "someone who has never read a word I have written".   I call balls and strikes with him. He does some good things. Obama kinda/sorta tinkered with the economy and we never got any economic growth during his administration. He was much more concerned with taking over the health care industry which has been a fantasy of the Democratic Party for years.

But, of course, Trump says things. Hey, the guy is from Queens.

I have written about some "other stuff".  I've written about: artificial turf for Cobb County High School football fields, how to fight on social media, and this strange obsession the left has with political beliefs of people selling chicken sandwiches.

Yes, I did a "Mad Men" recap.  "Mad Men" was probably one of the best television shows I have ever seen and the year I did the recap  (the third season) was when Betty Draper (played by January Jones, hubba-hubba) finds out about Don Draper's (played by Jon Hamm, my wife's second husband) real identity.  The problem was even though "Mad Men" was a popular show, it was not all that popular with my readers.

So, with the help of Dave Barry and The Miami Herald, I did a "24" recap. That was more popular and I would receive urgent inbox messages on Facebook wondering when I was going to post the recap of the last "24" episode.

In this ten year period of time, I have lost a brother, a mother-in-law, a father-in-law, a surrogate grandfather, and a cat.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010.  She doing great today.

I had a heart catheterization in 2009. But other than that, I'm as fit as fiddle.

In this ten year period of time, our son has gone off to and graduated from college. He is married and has a house.

Blogger "counts" how many views my posts generates.  I did a post about the Eagles documentary when it premiered several years ago. Blogger says it has received 1947 views.  That is a lot of views considering it was just a link in a Facebook status.

It is always a thrill when somebody says they like what you have written. It is so nice when people comment that I remind them of Lewis Grizzard.  I don't think I write like the Master, but no lie, it is great when you know people have enjoyed your writing.

One person who always complimented me was my pal, Barry Suttle.  He would always tell me I was better than someone in our local paper. He told me I should be published. One day, I was published. E-books on Amazon and they are still for sale.

Barry went to bed one night and never woke up. I wrote a post titled "Barry".  It has generated 4055 views.  It has only been linked to my Facebook status once.

Bob Dylan said, "It's not dark yet, but it's getting there".  I turned 60 years old a few weeks ago. I plan to keep on writing as long as I can. Future topics include: How to get kids off your lawn, Why things were better then than now, and Which flavor of Metamuscil I like.

One more thing. It is difficult writing humor as a hobby when you don't know the basic rules of grammar and you can't spell. For that, I'm grateful that my wife proofreads my posts. Bless her heart.

What Happened?

It is finally here.

That's right, I am officially the big SIX-OH. Sixty (60) years old.

It is time to start thinking about retirement. Then it is time to think about where you are going to get money for your retirement. 

Fortunately, both my wife and I had the gray matter to contribute to our  401k plans so we may not have to rob a liquor store on a daily basis in our old age. ("Stick 'em up sonny and put some cash in this bag. Bless your heart, here's a piece of butterscotch candy and a nice shiny quarter for your trouble")

Of course, I've been thinking about my life and all of the changes that have occurred since 1959.

The day I was born, Dwight D. Eisenhower was the President of The United States.  He was the guy who came up with the strategy that basically saved Western Civilization in World War II. Everybody liked him. In fact, that was his campaign slogan, "I LIKE IKE".  It was called that because 'I LIKE DWIGHT" sounded clunky.

The current President is Donald J. Trump who used to host a game show called "The Apprentice". He was famous for being famous.  We are at almost full employment for only the second time of my lifetime. The economy actually grew for the first time in eight years. Despite this, nobody likes him. If Trump had a (D) beside his name, he would be a hands-on favorite to win re-election and people would be writing songs about him.

How did that happen?  How did we go from Eisenhower to Trump?  How did we go from a Congress being filled with people like Wilbur Mills (Google him) to people like "The Squad"?  It's like the kids from the unpopular table took control of the Student Government Association and then you realized why they were unpopular in the first place.

The top three television shows in 1959 were "Gunsmoke", "Wagon Train", and"Have Gun, Will Travel".   The top three television shows in 2019 were "The Big Bang Theory",  "NCIS", and  "This Is Us".  In sixty years we went from cowboys to nerds. 


Back in 1959, we had only three stations in Atlanta: 2. 5, and 11.  We had a fourth channel: 8, which was the "educational channel", which meant nobody watched it.


Now there are a billion channels and there's still nothing on to watch except episodes of  "The Office"  How did this happen?

The top three popular movies in 1959 were "Ben-Hur", "Operation Petticoat", and "Some Like It Hot".

I can say with confidence that the F-word was not said in any of those three motion pictures.  I'm pretty sure there was no nudity and certainly nobody from The Marvel Cinematic Universe was in any of the films mainly because there was no Marvel Comics.

The average movie ticket price in 1959 was fifty cents.  There is nothing you can buy at a movie theatre now for fifty cents.   Even if you go in the afternoon for the matinee, you have to take out a reverse mortgage.

Music. Wow, music has changed a lot in sixty years.

The top three hit songs of 1959: "The Battle of New Orleans", "Mack The Knife", and "Personality".

So far, the only hit song of 2019 is "Old Town Road" which is by a gay African-American twenty-one-year-old who somehow convinced Billy Ray Cyrus to record a rap song with him. I didn't know any twenty-one year old had ever heard of Billy Ray Cyrus.

These are some lyrics from "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton: "We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down/So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round/We filled his head with cannonballs and powdered his behind/And when we touched the powder off the gator lost his mind"

Can you imagine a hit song in 2019 using an alligator for a cannon?  It would be taken off the air.

Here are some lyrics from "Old Town Road" by Lil' Nas X: "Ridin' on a tractor, lean all in my bladder, cheated on my baby, you can go and ask her, my life is a movie, bull ridin' and boobies, cowboy hat from Gucci, Wrangler on my booty" ?

I didn't know Gucci sold cowboy hats.
      
I was born in an era in which everybody smoked cigarettes. There was this crazy theory which said sucking nicotine into your lungs might be bad for you. When I was in high school, you could smoke between classes. Now you can't smoke on earth no more.

The cost of a pack of cigarettes in 1959 was fifty cents.  In 2019, the average cost for a pack of cigarettes in Georgia is $4.92.  It costs a lot to give yourself lung cancer.

Back in 1959, there was this crazy thought that there were two sexes (male/female) and you could use the word "gender" interchangeably with the word "sex". Freaky, huh? There were not any arguments about which pronouns to use in any type of social setting.

In 2019, um, there are more than two genders. In fact, you can identify with a gender even if you were not born with the equipment of that gender.  I don't understand how this happened or why it even happened.

After I reflected on all of this, I came to a conclusion. Some people make things happen. Some people just wonder what happened.  After sixty years, I am in that second group.

The Summer Series: Democrats Blow Another One

Did you catch the new mini-series appearing on the appropriate cable news networks, Democrats Blow Another One?

It stars every obnoxious nerd whoever taped a poster that read SEX!  Now That I Got Your Attention Vote For Me on the wall at their high school.


If you didn't, I don't blame you. It is not near as entertaining as Stranger Things 3 but it is almost as scary.

The show has ten people lined up behind their individual podium and they are asked "questions" by "moderators" in order to see which contestant will face President Orange Tweet in November of 2020.

In late June, the first episode of DBAO had the "presumptive" front runner, Former Vice President "Joe" Biden acting like he's never been on TV before.  He was pressed by Senator Kamala Harris (D-Wacky Tobacky) because while a Senator in the early 1800's Biden did not support forced busing.

This put Biden on the defensive because he thought he was in favor of forced busing to achieve school integration unless he forgot he was against it. Those things happen when you have been around as long as "Joe".   Biden lost several points in the polls but still maintained a double-digit lead in the polls mainly because he's one of the few contestants anyone has ever heard of.

However, Harris got her comeuppance in last week's episode of DBAO when Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (D-Somewhere) pointed out that Harris actually DID HER JOB as Attorney General of California and put people in jail that broke the law.  This made people happy because obviously, Harris was one of those people that put glitter on her high school posters.

A new character appeared in last week's DBAO. It was a crossover appearance by a member of the cast of the greatest cartoon in the history of television, King Of The Hill.  Fort Blanda's camp barber, Bill Dauterive, is running for President. Who knew?  Wait. I am being told that was not Bill Dauterive but John Delaney, a former Congressman from Maryland but a current lobbyist for Strickland Propane.

Delaney made an interesting contribution to the proceedings when he asked where all the money for all of the programs Democrats want will come from. Since it is illegal to ask such a question when you are a member of the Democratic Party, Delaney probably won't be asked back for next month's episode, but he can still drink beer out back with Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer.

Delaney's faux pas did not go unnoticed by Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Got Her Job By Telling Everyone She's A Minority). She said, “I don’t understand why anybody goes to all the trouble of running for president of the United States just to talk about what we really can’t do and shouldn’t fight for”. (Editorial comment: For somebody who looks like she can't open a pickle jar, Warren sure talks about fighting a lot).  This was a strange comment because most of running for President is talking about what we really shouldn't do and can't fight for.

Warren was all in a tizzy because people of the wrong gender and color  were questioning some of her plans, that she is willing to fight for like "Medicare For All", "College Loan Forgiveness", "Open Borders", "Pizza Every Friday" and for the elderly, a free "Clap On-Clap Off" device (Biden and Bernie Sanders have already signed up for that one).

Speaking of Bernie Sanders, he has spent most of the DBAO yelling at people to get off his lawn. He also came out against The Kansas-Nebraska Act, Seward's Folly, The Panama Canal, Prohibition, Tippecanoe, and Tyler too.

Now DBAO has a wild card and her name is Marianne Williamson.  I am not exactly sure who she is or why she is famous. She was on "Oprah" a lot. Williamson is kind of like that girl in high school that wore black lipstick to go with her black hair, black shirt, and black pants. When she opened her locker, you would see a pentagram.

Williamson said on the last program,  “If you think any of this wonkiness is going to deal with this dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred that this president is bringing up in this country, then I’m afraid that the Democrats are going to see some very dark days.”   So. I guess we put Williamson down for fight against dark psychic forces.  By the way, I saw Dark Psychic Forces when they opened up for Uriah Heep.

Believe it or not, that wasn't the comment that was the illest conceived.  The winner for that prize goes to Mayor Pete Buttigieg (D- Notre Dame). He said regarding a bill to raise the minimum wage, “The minimum wage is too low. So-called conservative Christian senators right now in the Senate are blocking a bill to raise the minimum wage, when scripture says, ‘Whoever oppresses the poor taunts their maker."   Let me translate that: the "so-called" conservative Christians aren't real Christians because they oppose the $15 an hour minimum wage.  That Satanic group, The Congressional Budget Office, says raising the minimum wage could destroy million of net jobs.  But, let's not discuss that because why run for President to talk about what you can't do and shouldn't fight for when there is a Bible verse you can take out of context and smack your opponents in the head.