President Trump's Gettysburg Address

The Gettysburg Address if given by Donald Trump

Fourscore and seven years ago which I think is 87 years, give or take a couple of years, our fathers who all had terrible hair and people criticize my hair which is fabulous, brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that "all men are created equal." That may/may not be true, because there are lot of people I am better than.


Now we are engaged in a great civil war (that's what all of the "boom-booms" have been out), testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. I think it can. I mean, really, have you seen some of those hicks down south? We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who died here, that the nation might live. But, I don't know about you, but I personally like soldiers that manage not to die.This we may, in all propriety do. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow, this ground without adding the word "Trump". It will really class up the joint, you know? The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, but let's be real, having me involved in it, will really hallow it. The world will note, and long remember what I say here because frankly, I am a big deal


It is rather for us the living, to be dedicated to making America great again and therefore do something about illegal immigration. I am going to build a wall at the Mason and Dixon line and make Johnny Reb pay for it. We honor these dead losers we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of Trump, by Trump, for Trump shall not perish from Trump (what we used to call the Earth).

( I wrote this back in 2016 when Trump first ran for President and it was published on Alanmanis.com which I haven't used in years. )