War, Huh

 

 "One, two, three what are we fighting for?" - Country Joe And The Fish

 

 

Once again, there are rumblings of war and rumors of war.

 

A quick recap.  Israel just happens to be in the Middle East and has a lot of enemies because Israel is Jewish. One of these enemies is Iran, which has been, in the words of many international experts, "Bat Crap crazy since 1979."

 

I was in college when the Shah fell and the Ayatollah Khomeini and his merry band of Mullahs took over. It's been a party all the time over there ever since.

 

While the Shah was a brutal dictator, he sold us cheap oil and was basically on the side of the United States. The Ayatollah, on the other hand, considered the United States, "The Great Satan" because it was 1979 and Studio 54 was going full blast at the time. 

 

You might remember in late 1979, Iranian "students" took control of the American Embassy and held 52 Americans hostage.  It was in all the papers.

After 444 days, the Americans were set free but Iran continued to be a big fat pain in the tuchus.*

 

Almost since the Shah fell, the mullahs have been seeking to build atomic weapons to use against Israel.

It is important to realize that there is no "mutually assured destruction" logic with Iran.  They honestly think if they can just get rid of Israel everything would be hunky dory.**  

 

Israel somehow perceives "Death to Israel" as a threat and they have been telling everybody that if the world doesn't take out the Iranian nuclear capability, Israel will.

 

Israel has attacked Iran with drones and fighters, knocking out a lot of Iran's nuclear capabilities. 

 

Israel needs a knockout punch but that would require some assistance from The United States to finish Iran off.

Problem:  The United States doesn't like wars, especially wars in the Middle East, which history has shown to be long and deadly.

 

We don't like long wars. We like short wars. Therefore, I don't see America putting ground troops in Iran no matter how fast it would make Jesus return.***  It couldn't be done, politically speaking.  Even Barack Obama, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln couldn't send troops to Iran.

But, we don't have those guys in The White House. We have Donny from Queens in The White House. President Trump has been clear about two things in his political career: 1) Iran should not be allowed to have a nuclear weapon and 2) We shouldn't be in another war in the Middle East.

 

This has caused tension among the Republicans. There is a group of Republicans who learned a term, "Neo-Conservative" and to them, it means snotty preppies who read and want to go to war every other year. They are trying to scold Trump into not helping Israel, at least, or at least not helping them enough.

 

Of course, the Neo-Conservatives hate the MAGA crowd because they stuck us with a man who eats chili with his fingers.  This goes to show you: Republicans don't hate Democrats; Republicans hate other Republicans.  

 

UPDATE!  UPDATE! 

 

I wrote most of this before Saturday Night, June 21st 2025 when Trump bombed three nuclear facilities:   Fordo, Natanz and Isfahan.  It sounds like it was a successful bombing. I hope so. 

 

I know Trump isn't the most popular person with some people. That's okay. Sometimes people you don't like can do good things.  I wasn't fond of Obama but he took out Bin Laden and that was a good thing. So it is okay to cheer Trump for this. You won't die. Honest. 

 

I don't think we're going to get into "another Vietnam" or World War III.  It will be all right. Honest. Uncle Alan has never lied to you. At least about this.  

 

 

* This is the correct Yiddish spelling of  "Tuckus" which means the behind. This blog tries to spell correctly when it can.

 

** There are some who believe that Iran was going to using the threat of a nuclear strike to coerce Israel into accepting a "two state solution" for the Palestinians.  I take their "Death To Israel" chant seriously.

 

***  This can get into the weeds, but some Evangelical Christians are "Pre-millennial Dispensationalists."  I can't go into all of it in a lowly footnote except to say that this belief is basically "The Late Great Planet Earth". There will be a massive war, a rapture, an Anti-Christ, the whole nine yards before Jesus returns to Earth.  There are some who think you can gig Jesus into coming back by fighting a war in The Middle East.  Advice to all humorists: never try to explain your joke in a footnote.   

 

 

 

A Boomer Admits The Awful Truth

 

 

One of the areas in which Boomers like me (Class of '59) have conflict with the younger generation, which by the way, are all a bunch of snot-nosed, know it all punks, is popular music. Otherwise known as "music you hear on the radio and Publix."

Gen X music is okay. Some of it was good and I appreciate them waking me up before I go-go.   

My mother had a legendary encounter with Culture Club whose lead singer was a tortured soul named Boy George. Culture Club had a song called "Karma Chameleon." Mom asked me if I liked the song "Come To Me, Leon."  She said the lyrics were "Come, Come, Come to me, Leon."  No, missed that one, Mom.  

Then you have Millennial music.  I don't remember a lot about Millennial music because I was turning the station to Classic Rock or Sports Talk. 

Hip-hop was really big in Millennial music. At first, Hip-hop was about what clothes you were going to buy with all of the bling (money) you have. Then it morphed into music which made you get naked. One song popular in 2002 was called "Hot In Here" by Nelly. A sample lyric: "It's getting hot in here (so hot) so take off all your clothes.(Ayy)"

 

You can't argue with those lyrics. It is hot, therefore you should take off all your clothes. 

 

It was around this time Country Music began to change.  At one time, Country Music was about the hard living working men and women who discovered, through no fault of their own, heaven was just a sin away. 

Now, Country Music is about my town and my town is great and don't you put down my town cause my baby likes my town and my truck and we listen to Hank Williams (there is still a law which states every record made in Nashville has to mention Hank Williams) and Jay-Z.

 

Of course, Gen Z had to get in the act and making a popular hit song so dirty I can't mention it in a family blog. I'm sure the artist's mother is very proud. 

My point is every other generation's music is bad for one simple reason: the music sucks.

  

But never let it be said that this blogger is afraid to point out the really awful songs of his era: the 70s.

 

The 70s were a time in which songwriters took on the significant issues of our day, like signs.

 

There was a song back when I was young called "Signs." The lyrics: "Signs, signs, everywhere signs. So take your clothes off."

 

No, it didn't say that. But, it was a song protesting signs, man, and they're breaking my mind.

 

There was another song called "The Bertha Butt Boogie." A sample of the deep lyrics:  "Her name was Bertha, Bertha Butt, she was one of the Butt sisters." 

 

I remember being on the precipice of manhood, laughing at the line "she was one of the Butt sisters" because in my neck of the woods "butt" was a minor league cuss word.

 

Even the Greats slipped up in the 70s.

Paul McCartney wrote in 1965, "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away." Poetry, sheer poetry. 

Ten years later, in 1975 he wrote, "Somebody's knocking at the door, yadda, yadda, do me a favor, open the door and let them in."  To be fair, this was written around the time Sir Paul could have recorded a song of burbs and hand farts and it would have sold 14 billion records.

 

One of the all-time weird 70s songs was "Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tennille.

The Captain And Tennille was a husband and wife singing duo. The Captain (the husband) was called "The Captain" because he wore a captain's hat. I don't think I ever heard his voice. He mainly just sat there and played the piano for Tennille (the wife) who while pretty, had a ginormous mouth with as many teeth as the Trivago guy.

 

One of their hit songs was called "Muskrat Love". It was about Muskrat Suzie and Muskrat Sam "doin' it". ("Doin' it" was the 70s euphemism for "doing it".) 

It was such a hit song, that the Captain And Tennille sang it at White House dinner honoring Queen Elizabeth. 

 

That sums up the 70s. Only in the 70s would you have a popular duo singing about two rodents procreating in an audience which included not only Bertha Butts, one of the Butts sisters the President of the United States who dated Muskrat Suzie while a collegiate athlete at the University of Michigan, but also The Queen of England, who dated Muskrat Sam.

 

 

 

What I've Learned

 

Usually, I write a reflective post around my birthday so everyone can soak in all of my wisdom. I won't be able to do it this year because I'll be out of town.


Some people are bad. Some people are good. Most of us are in between. 

Gossip is bad, but sometimes it is true.

Don't worry about how much money other people make and what they spend it on. They make what they make and they spend what they spend.  It doesn't concern you. 

Mind your own business.

You don't know everybody's motivations at first. But soon it will become apparent.

Laugh at yourself. Learn how to take a joke. 

Marriage is the greatest thing in the world if you are married to the right person.

In a divorce, no one ever thinks about the friends of the divorced couple.

When dogs look at you in the eyes they are trying to communicate their love and trust for you.  When cats look at you, they are trying to communicate their utter disgust for you. 

If anything can go wrong, it will, usually at the worst possible time.

Just remember, it could be worse. 

Pay attention to the tires on your car. Tires are very expensive.

If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas. It is a good idea to look over the past and realize what went wrong and what you should have done differently, but just don't get trapped in it. 

You can't please everyone, Ricky Nelson said. He was right.

Somewhere, somehow, along the way, we have lost the ability to laugh.

At one special time, Kris Kristofferson was the best songwriter on the planet. 

I haven't met a lot of my heroes, but I did make Lewis Grizzard laugh one time so that counts for something. 

The Baseball Hall Of Fame is totally whack simply because Dale Murphy is not in it. 

The fans of the Alabama Crimson Tide football fans are the most dedicated fans on earth. They are also the most insane.

How you treat a waiter/waitress says a lot about you. 

Respect everyone's religious differences but remember they probably won't respect yours.

Your mom and dad did the best they could with what they had. 

In the long run, it doesn't matter where you graduate from college. 

A lot of smart people have never stepped foot inside a college classroom. 

 A lot of smart people disagree with you.

A lot of dumb people agree with you.

My mother told me two things:  "Don't be so smart" and "Don't be so ugly". That's the way we like 'em in the South: dumb and pretty. 

If you want to save money, learn how to do something with your hands. Or you can be klutz like me and have to pay for it.  But it saves you some time.