Old Man

 

In terms of "spiritual gifts," I think I have discovered mine.

I can hold open a door.

My wife and I are volunteers in the "How Yew Doing" team at church.

Over the past twenty years, there have been security issues at the various churches in the country.

One way to help secure a church is to control who can (or cannot) enter the building. 

My job is to hold the door open, let people in, and say, "How Yew Doing" in my best Southern accent. One of these days when I'm feeling braver, I might say, "How's your momma and them."

I'm pretty good at it.  I've only locked myself out once.

I open a lot of doors for the older adults coming to church. It is sweet to see these folks coming to church. Some of the men even wear suits and ties while their wives wear dresses. I guess they haven't gotten the memo. But it is swell to see people try to dress up in their Sunday best when I am in my blue jeans with the expando waist.

Then I remember these people aren't that much older than me.

I am sixty-four years old and approaching the door to retirement. I'm sure you'll read more about that later in the year.

But I see myself as an active middle-aged man.

Okay, I'm an active middle-aged man who doesn't like to be out past 10:00 at night.

But I am leaning into my aging, unlike a couple of politicians I can think of off the top of my head.

I still like the music of my youth, even though most of the stars from back then are either A) Dead or B) still touring but sitting down on the stage in a folding chair.

I still watch TV, but I get irritated at shows (mainly on streaming services) that have every character scream the F-word at the top of their lungs every 14 seconds. 

I remember the first time the Original Old Man Manis, my dad, dropped the F-bomb in front of me.  I remember wondering how he knew that word.

My dad was in the Navy during World War II.  I was not a bright child.

I'm not resistant to change. I'm just passive-aggressive about it. 

If the change is good, I'll embrace it. But a lot of change is about just doing something different for the sake of doing something different.

One thing I do not like is that it takes an act of Congress to get an American on the phone at an American company.

I know companies are in business to make money, and one way to make money is to control costs. The way to control costs is to send "offshore" the customer service department. The customer service department will always tell you that they "doubled checked" something because some hooty-doody big wig read in a magazine that Americans will not argue if something has been doubled checked. 

I salute those reps who can speak English; some of them can't.

The interview for these positions.

Boss:  "Can you speak English?"

Applicant: "Uh, double-check."

Boss:  "Close enough."

I was on the phone with a large multinational corporation the other day for some personal stuff, and I could not understand what the customer service agent was saying for the life of me.

Since I am a Southern Baptist male, I'm sure it was my fault.  I hung up and called back.  The next rep was almost as bad, but he transferred me to the beautiful sound you can hear when you contact a customer service department: an American. 

I'm telling you this to let you know I will become more grouchier in the next few years. Plus, I will inform you the "old days" were better. I may be shaking my fist at a cloud or two.

And I will tell you to get my lawn if you are on it before 10:00 PM.