Goodbye, S.I.

 

 

George Harrison said all things must pass, but I didn't think he included Sports Illustrated magazine, which pulled the plug last week.

Sports Illustrated was simply the best sports magazine ever.  Sure, the others were good, but S.I. had it all. Good writing and excellent photographs, and in February, they had girls in bathing suits.

They had writers like Tex Maule, who loved the NFL as much as he hated the AFL.  He thought Randy Johnson (the first starting quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons) was a better quarterback than Bob Griese.  History does not show that.

However, Maule could write. He said this about a fight he covered between Muhammad Ali and Ernest Terrell:  "It was a wonderful demonstration of boxing skill and a barbarous display of cruelty."

They had Dan Jenkins.  He wrote over 500 articles for S.I., including a piece that introduced us to the world of an Illinois college student named Dick Butkus.

Jenkins wrote the book Semi-Tough, which is, in my humble opinion, the funniest book ever written about pro football.

Jenkins also said, "Archie Griffin won the Heisman twice, and he didn't deserve it once."  I have used a variation of that line for years.

I could go on and on. Frank Deford. Ron Fimrite. Rick Reilly. All of them could write, and all of them wrote well.

Sports Illustrated was the king when it came to sports photography.  The pictures they published captured the moment. It was the literal thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

At one time, pro football ended in mid-January, and it would be another month until Spring Training.  S.I. developed their "Swimsuit" edition to fill in the time between. 

Kids, you have no idea what big deal it became.

First of all, having a sports magazine publishing pictures of women in skimpy bathing suits seems kind of off, but you know, boys like looking at pictures of women in skimpy bathing suits.

Secondly, as time progressed, the "bathing suits" were only bathing suits in the technical sense. I never saw a girl wearing a bathing suit S.I. published because it usually showed the model's hindquarters and sometimes all of the upper part of the torso.  That was a big deal to a fourteen-year-old boy in the South. 

Once, S.I. had a model named Cheryl Tiegs. She was super.

One of her bathing suits was mesh. I never saw a girl wear a mesh bathing suit. As we said in the library at Wheeler High School, you saw everything.  By the way, Cheryl Tiegs is now 76 years old.

Well, with time, the internet came, and people stopped reading magazines. You couldn't give away enough football phones to get people to buy a subscription to the magazine.

Sports Illustrated began making odd decisions to get people to buy their magazine. The cover girl for the swimsuit issue a few years back was, as we say, husky. Last year's cover girl wasn't technically a girl, at least in the total physical sense. 

Their last Sportsperson Of The Year was Deion Sanders who lead the Colorado Buffaloes to a 4-8 record. That's when I should have known S.I. was going down.

It is sad that future generations won't look forward to Thursday for the weekly Sports Illustrated.  But hopefully, some of us boomers have kept copies for those coming behind us. Just don't tell your mother and grandmother which ones you find because one of them might have the pictures Cheryl Tiegs and her mesh bathing suit.

 

Never Enough

 

 

One of the things everybody has to admit about college is that it matters a great deal where someone graduates from college because there are college graduates from other schools than the one you graduated from.

Some people don't go to the large state schools. They go to the smaller state schools that the people at the large state schools call "Directional."  This means the school's name has a "direction" in it.  Southern Mississippi is one (Jimmy Buffett and two of my high school teachers, Mr. Hines and Miss Love, graduated from there.)

 I didn't know this was a big deal until I heard some of the people at the larger state schools crack wise of the Directional Schools.

Of course, I have never done this. I am a graduate of Kennesaw State University. That means my diploma has the word "Kennesaw" on it. I can't make fun of anyone else's school unless they are total dorks like Georgia Tech graduates. But even then, I don't make fun of their degree. I make fun of them because they are dorks. Plus, and I am legally obligated to say this, Georgia Tech has graduated more astronauts than Kennesaw State.

I bring this up because of Harvard University.

Everybody knows Harvard University is the leading university in America.  The alumni of this institution include Henry Kissinger, the Unabomber, and Thurston Howell, III.

All the intelligent and rich people go to Harvard, and a Harvard degree guarantees a job where you can wear an ascot and drink a martini at your desk.

Recently, Hamas invaded Israel. They killed and raped. They took hostages, which are still there.

You would think Harvard University would be where students would protest Hamas.  No, the students protested Israel and threatened Jewish students.

The president of Harvard, Claudine Gay, was called to testify in a congressional hearing about the apparent anti-semitism on campus. Dr. Gay hemmed and hawed about it, stating she would have to see the context of someone punching a student in a yamaka.

You will note I am adding quotation marks to the following sentence from The New Yorker.

"In early December, the activist Christopher Rufo published allegations about Gay in his newsletter, including instances of missing citations and verbatim copying of other scholars' writing without the use of quotation marks or attribution. In the following weeks, more apparent instances of plagiarism piled up."

 

This caused a big scandal because, and I am speaking as a Kennesaw State history graduate, nothing will get you into more trouble than missing citations and copying other works verbatim without quotation marks.

 

I found my senior paper about Gerald Ford.  I wrote:  

"Gerald Ford" was the "President Of The United States" (Encyclopedia Britannica).*

 

I made a B+ on the paper because my professor said he didn't believe there was a student paper ever written that deserved an A.  No, I'm not bitter.**

Christoper Rufo is a graduate of Harvard.  Wait, make that Harvard Extension School.

 

Harvard Extension School is the Online Harvard.  It is a way for people to obtain a degree from Harvard without having to live in Boston and spend billions of dollars for a degree.

 

Of course, people took to X and noted that Rufo isn't a graduate of the real Harvard, but instead of the online Harvard, like there was a difference.

The problem is what Harvard says about Harvard Extension School.

"Our degrees and certificates are adorned with the Harvard insignia. Earning a credential from us means enjoying the best of a world-class Harvard education, and the weight of that reputation and lineage on your resume. You’ll have access to our world-class libraries, walk at University Commencement along with students from other Harvard schools, and become members of the Harvard Alumni Association."

My son's brother-in-law is taking classes from the Harvard Extension School.  That's the first time I ever heard of it.

I have recently discovered that a high school chum is a recent Harvard Extension School graduate.  I asked him about it. 

He said. "I thought it was great. It is the same classes that regular Harvard people take. Overall, a great experience with the best professors in the world."

Eventually, the people on X who belittled the Harvard Extension School returned and had to do an Emily Litella and say, "Never mind."

But to paraphrase Rosanne Rosannadanna, it just goes to show you that even a Harvard diploma doesn't satisfy some people.

 

 

*I must note that my buddy Greg Marshall actually opened the door for Gerald Ford one time.  He has also met Jimmy Buffett. Greg, not Gerald Ford, although Gerald and Betty probably visited Margaritaville a few times.

 

** Yes, I am.

 

The Future

 

Here we are in 2024! We are waiting to see what the new year will hold. I have some predictions.

The most important: Taylor Swift will not marry Travis Kelce. But she will write a song about him and OMG HOW SAD IS THIS SONG AND WHAT A RAT TRAVIS WAS TO TAY-TAY, YOU GUYS.

The Atlanta Falcons will hem and haw and not fire their head coach because, well, he just moved in and everything. 

There will be a new Tik-Tok craze that will sweep the nation, and by nation, I mean young people. It will be stupid and potentially dangerous. 

Somebody will use the term "fur babies," which will get on my nerves.

When discussing College Football, a Georgia Tech graduate will mention how many astronauts graduated from Georgia Tech and how many felons graduated from Georgia.

Trump will announce that he is picking himself as his running mate.  When told he cannot do that, he will post on his Truth Social that this is the kind of WITCH HUNT and ELECTION INTERFERENCE HE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS.

President Biden will mumble.

When you see the movie that wins The Oscar for Best Movie, you will not like it.

Speaking of movies, soon, movie theatres will offer financing to see a movie. EZ PAYMENTS!

The Atlanta Braves will make the playoffs and lose in the first round.  

President Biden will win the nomination of the Democratic Party. His acceptance speech will be about how bad MAGA is and how the economy is doing well, and you should buy electric cars because of climate change, and somebody get me some ice cream because it tastes so good. 

Somebody will ask you: "Is it hot enough for you?"

Former President Clinton will say that he doesn't like young girls. Instead, he likes the brainy know-it-all types with cankles that don't know how to laugh. 

 

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., Jill Stein, Cornel West, Joe Manchin, and Larry Hogan will be blamed for the outcome of the 2024 Presidential election.

You will look at Netflix, Amazon, Peacock, and all the other streaming services for something to watch. You will give up and watch a rerun of "Friends."

 

Speaking of the streaming services, you will run across a detective show that features a detective who doesn't play by the rules.  He likes to kick butt and chew gum and guess what?  He just ran out of Hubba Bubba. But he's very intelligent. How do you know?  Because he listens to JAZZ.

A famous Rock star will pass away.

 

I will turn 65 years old this year.  I think I could pass at being 63 years old. I know when I pick up my grandson, I will make a noise like "oomph".