Enjoying Every Sandwich

 

 I'm at the age where you don't celebrate birthdays as much as you tolerate them.

I'm sort of like the great Warren Zevon. Warren wrote and sang such classic rock songs as "Werewolf Of London" ("His hair was perfect"). 

Zevon came down with Mesothelioma, and David Letterman asked how he was doing. Zevon said, "I'm enjoying every sandwich."

That's what I've decided to do. I'm going to enjoy every sandwich, as long as it is the sandwich I ordered and it has what I want on it.   

It is sort of weird for me.  I was the last child born in my family and the last child born in my mother's extended family.  I am down on the bottom on my father's side too.  I'm used to being the youngest. 

It is not that way anymore.

I remember when it first hit me that I am one of the "seniors".  We were watching Sheryl Crow sing "Steve McQueen" on television, and a friend's daughter asked, "Who is Steve McQueen?".

I find myself explaining things to younger people, like why Thurston Howell the Third carried so much money and clothes on The Minnow. But first, I have to explain The Minnow. Then I have to explain why The Skipper never called Gilligan by his first name. Or The Professor by his first name.  Or why nobody ever made a play for Ginger and Mary Anne. It gets lonely on an island, you know. 

Don't get me started on "The Brady Bunch".  Two people who just happen to have three children apiece, marry and they pile into Mr. Brady's three-bedroom house.  I'm not sure where the maid slept or why they even had one. Carol didn't work, and she could have gotten the kids to help. 

One of the things "Mad Men" got right was the amount of smoking people used to do.  Back when I was coming along, adults smoked everywhere, including surgeons in the operating room.

Doctor:  "Scalpel."
Nurse:   "Scalpel."
Doctor:  "Marlboro Menthol."
Nurse:    "Marlboro  Menthol."

Even my dear old Alma Mater, Wheeler High School, (Motto: "Where the leaders of tomorrow are putting gum under the desks of today") we had a smoking section of the campus where all of the potheads students, could light up a smoke between classes.

You can't smoke on that campus or any campus anymore. You can't smoke in any building.  It is like what  Cedric the Entertainer said, "You can't smoke on earth no more".

People that smoked dope were considered outlaws and hoodlums. Now, they get tv commercials. I see Snoop Dogg on TV more than Shaquille O'Neal, and that's saying something!

Men's fashion. When I was coming along, all men wore at least a tie to everything, including baseball games and ditch diggings.  Now, if you tuck your shirt in at Church, they think you're an aristocrat or maybe an Episcopalian visiting from out of town.

Baseball.  Back in the old days, Hank Aaron would hit a home run and go back to the dugout and spoke a cigarette.  Now, a player hits a home run, stares at it from home plate and does the Watusi around the bases.  When he reaches the dugout, he hugs everybody on the team then posts a story on Instagram.

I guess the problem is when I look in the mirror, I don't see a sixty-two-year-old man.  I see the same guy I saw in 1982.  Okay, maybe I weigh a little more.  At this point in my life, every brownie just attaches itself to my belly.

Yes, I have some laugh lines. How could I not?  I've been blessed to live at a time of some hilarious people, and I'm not just talking about politicians.

When I was born, people couldn't imagine President Eisenhower having a girlfriend and cheating on Mamie.  We used to have First Ladies named Mamie.  Now we have to call the First Lady by her terminal degree, or we are some sort of misogynist.

That's nothing. Did you know you are two internet clicks away from seeing the previous First Lady naked?  Or so I'm told.

I know I'm sounding the old man yelling at the cloud, but things have changed. Change is a part of life. Some of it is good. Some of it isn't good. Some of it is just meh.

Seriously, I wish people would think more and not spend a good part of their life trying to dunk on people that disagree with them. But things aren't that bad.  Really.

Come on, sit on the porch when me. I'll make sandwiches. We can yell at the kids to get off my lawn.