30 Years A Dad

 

My son, Ben, just turned 30 years old the other day.  I can't believe someone as young as me has a 30 year old son.  Ha!

It seems like yesterday my wife had the baby. It wasn't. It was 1991. George Bush, the first one, was the President then. I turned around one day and there was another President George Bush but he didn't look like the first one.

In between, was President Bill Clinton and his lovely wife Hillary. You may remember them. Bill went into "public service" (that's what politicians call running for office) because he wanted to serve all mankind and perhaps see all womankind naked. At least, that's what I sort of remembered.

In any event, the first part of my son's life was spent in the car taking him to various parties (you'd be amazed at how many birthday parties you go to), rec league sports games, school functions, church functions, and a billion other things. You're basically a personal Uber.

By the way, you come to hate Chuck E. Cheese.  It's where a kid can be a kid and you can eat frozen pizza.

Coming home from one church function, six year old Ben announced he wished he was  half Jewish because he would get Christmas and Hanukkah presents  ("Hanukkah is eight crazy nights!', he said.) 

In fact, a lot of parenthood is just hearing and seeing what your kids do and then making fun of them for the rest of your life about it.

Another example,  one time Ben and my wife went to a "Harvest Festival" (Baptist talk for a Halloween party) at a local church named "Fortified Hills Baptist Church".  The next day, he told me about the Harvest Festival at "Four Or Five Hills Baptist Church".

Of course, I've never let him forget that because he lives close to that church. For what it is worth, I think "Four Or Five Hills Baptist Church" would be a great name for a church.

You go to a lot of movies (you remember going to the movies don't you?)  when you have small kids. There were a lot of great ones when Ben was a kid, my favorite being "Aladdin".  "Toy Story" and "Toy Story 2" were great. A lot were not.

 I feel sleep in both "The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" and "The Pokemon Movie".

The Power Rangers were just stupid.  Pokemon (or as we in The South called it: "Pokey Man") was just stupid squared.  But it taught boy children a very valuable lesson:  make sure you fill your brain with useless trivia like which "Pokey Man" you can use in a battle versus whoever the heck Pokey Men face (it was a bad guy, but I never cared enough to learn what they were called.) 

Being a parent is a lot of work. It's not hard work, per se, it is just work because you are always doing what you think is best for the kid, but you are never really sure if it is the best until later.

When we were in rec league baseball, we were on a team which had a kid who was really good. His dad was a college baseball player. I was a near sighted twerp that couldn't hit a beach ball thrown at me underhanded. 

One day, at practice, this dad said to me that sometimes he and his son go out to the batting cage he built (with lights!) and have batting practice at 11:30 at night. I felt bad because: A) I couldn't build a batting cage with lights even if given a batting cage kit  and B) I was always asleep at 11:30 at night.

But, both kids grew up and ended up okay, which is the point of rec league sports.

After my parents died, sometimes I would sit around and wonder why they did this or why didn't they do that.  Then I realized they did the best they could with the information they had at the time. That's all you can ask.

A little bit of advice for young parents.  Your kids are growing up and you are aging. The most important thing you can do for your kids has nothing to do with schools, sports, and money. It is to be the best husband to your wife or the best wife to your husband. 

It is the best gift you can give to your children. After all, as my son reminds me, they are the ones that will decide which nursing home to put you in. Yes, he usually tells me this after I make a joke about Four or Five Hills Baptist Church.