This Week's Picks- Week Fourteen

 

 

Jawja vs Bumbles:  Good Clean Old Fashion Hate is what the old timers call the annual Georgia-Georgia Tech game.  Georgia is number 4 in the country, while Tech has fallen to #23 due to its loss to Pittsburgh. There is nothing, I mean, nothing Tech would rather do than beat Georgia in this game. At the beginning of the month, I thought that was a real possibility. I don't anymore. Georgia wins. 

 

 

Missasloppy vs Upright Walking Bulldogs: Ole Miss is going through a little "will he or won't he" regarding Lane Kiffin and LSU. Pros:  LSU has a boatload of money, and they don't mind paying somebody. Con:  You have to live in Baton Rouge. If Lane stays, there's a good chance that one day they'll build a statue to Lane in Oxford. Either way, Ole Miss wins.

 

 

Ags vs Cows: This may be the kiss of death, and if so, I apologize to Texas A&M. I think when all is said and done, the Aggies will win the NCAA Football Bowl Subdivision championship.  Everyone got sucked into the Texas hype, but you know, you have to win the games. The Aggies are just superior to Texas. Aggies win. 

 

 

Ahia State vs Meechigan: Despite all of the hype this game gets, it won't really matter. Ohio State is just better than Michigan this year.  Ohio State wins. 

 

 

Commode Doors vs Tennysee: Vandy has become one of my favorite side teams this year. Maybe they can get me tickets to a Nate Bargatze concert. Vandy is ranked higher than Tennessee, but it is being played in Knoxville, so Tennessee is the favorite. Tennessee wins. 

 

 

 

 

My Beloved Owls vs Liberty: One of the oddities of Kennesaw State's ascension in Division One sports is that they have become a rival of .....Liberty.  Liberty University was founded by Jerry Falwell and is the largest Christian university in the world. However, some of their fans lack certain fruits of the spirit, like not being a jerk (look, I know that is not in the Bible, but stick with me).  They haven't had a good season, while this season for Kennesaw State has been a revelation. Amen! Hallelujah! Owls win.

This Week's Picks Week Thirteen

 

 

Jawja vs Other 49ers: Georgia's dominance over Texas last week earned them this breather against the University of North Carolina in Charlotte. The 49ers (not sure how they picked up that nickname) are 1-9 this year. This shouldn't be a difficult game for the Bulldogs.  Georgia wins. 

 

 

The Bees vs The Pitts: Tech had a tough game against Boston College last week, almost losing the game. Although they have a better record than Miami, Tech is puttering around at 16. College Football is not pretty. Speaking of not pretty, Pitt looked real ugly against Notre Dame last week. Supposedly, they are going to be fired up for this game. Tech needs to win this game. Tech wins.

 

 

Ahia State vs The University of New Jersey. I still don't like The Big Ten in the Northeast like New Jersey. Ohio State really hasn't played anybody yet. They should have no problem with Rutgers. Ohio State wins. 

 

 

Trojan Men vs Quacks. I also don't like The Big Ten on the West Coast.  I think Oregon is better than its ranking, and USC is not as good as theirs.  Oregon wins.

 

 

Tennysee vs Lizards:  Back in the 90s, Tennessee and Florida was "Must See TV.  Now it is kind of  "Will watch it if I can't find anything good on Netflix TV." Needless to say, Tennessee is better than Florida this year. Tennessee wins.

 

 

Mormons vs Cincy: I'm not a fan of either of these teams. Cincinnati wins, I guess.  

 

 

My Beloved Owls vs Missouri State:  After winning seven straight games in a row, Kennesaw State lost to Jacksonville State. As they said when Kennesaw State handed me my diploma, all good things must come to an end. Missouri State is 7-3, like Kennesaw State, so this should be a pretty even game.  Kennesaw State wins. 

 

 

Like It Or Lump It: "Death By Lightning"

 

 

Welcome to another "Like It Or Lump It," where I review series from one of the several thousand streaming services and advise you if it is good or bad.

This "Like It Or Lump It" topic is the Netflix series, "Death By Lightning".

"Death By Lightning" is about the assassination of President James Garfield in 1881.

It concerns that period of time after the Civil War, which your high school history class skips over because, let's face it, it is not the most interesting time in American History and it is tough enough keeping the Zoomers awake for anything other than a TikTok video. 

As you know, I majored in history in college, and I can tell you my knowledge of the assassination of President Garfield in one sentence.  Garfield was killed by a "disappointed office seeker". 

There's more to it than that. Garfield was killed by a man named Charles Guiteau (pronounced "Get Toe").  Actually, Garfield was killed by his physicians, who poked around his body to remove the bullet but forgot to wash their hands and sterilize their equipment. Other than that, they did a bang-up job. 

Charles Guiteau was as crazy as a Betsy Bug. He was a guy with no talent, no common sense, no money, but a tremendous amount of narcissism.  If he had just the insight to be born 100 years later, he would have made a great social media influencer. He was a man way ahead of his time.

James Garfield was an Ohio congressman who happened to know how to read Greek and Latin (Footnote: Garfield was a member of The Independent Disciples Of Church of Christ Christian Church, the faith tradition I'm from, and he is a BIG DEAL to them.)

Garfield arrives at the 1880 Republican Convention and gives a speech. People loved it. Somehow, after 14,000 ballots, he is nominated as a compromise candidate for President with Pawnee, Indiana's parks and recreation supervisor, Ron Swanson, who conveniently changed his name to Chester Alan Arthur, man of massive sideburns, as his running mate. (Footnote:  There is some historical controversy as to how Swanson Arthur pronounced "Alan".  Some historians say he pronounced it as "A-Lon" instead of "Al-an". Those historians are turds.)

It just so happens that Guiteau was at the same convention and spent a good deal of time trying to convince Garfield to hire him. The only problem is that Guiteau is such a massive dink that he could not get hired into politics.

We then see a flashback to ten years earlier, where Guiteau was a member of a proto-hippie group called The Oneida Free Love Boogie Bunch, which said you could live with them on their farm land and have sex with whoever would consent to have sex with you. Today, we call this "college". 

Warning: you are shown women's bosoms as if it were a 1970s movie. Despite all of this nakedness, Guiteau could not get lucky.

Garfield wins the White House by defeating somebody else. Back then, you could walk up to the President and ask for a job. Guiteau meets with Garfield, but the First Lady comes down with malaria, and the job interview is cut short. 

Garfield goes to the train station without guards but with Robert Lincoln, the President's son.(Footnote: Robert Lincoln was at President McKinley's assassination, too. Really.) Guiteau shoots Garfield, and Garfield lingers until he finally dies, making Swanson  Arthur President who immediately hires Lesley Knope to be his annoying subordinate. Guiteau is hanged after he recites an awful poem.

The acting in "Death By Lightning" is good. Michael Shannon sort of looks like Garfield. The actor who plays Guiteau is awesome and probably should win an Emmy unless they nominate something dreary like "The Bear" to run against it.

Several things.

One: A couple of indoor restrooms are shown. I was under the impression that indoor facilities were not common in 1880, but then again, we didn't talk much about toilets in history class.

Two: There are a bunch of f-bombs dropped in the show along with some M-fers. Again, in history class, we didn't talk a lot about F-bombs and if the senator from Maine casually used M-fers.  There was one scene in which First Lady Garfield drops an F-bomb on Vice President Swanson Arthur. Even given the high historical tension of the scene, I just don't think First Ladies dropped the F-bomb until Betty Ford.

Three: Garfield sure says "Hmm" a lot.

Four:  A smart pants teenage girl comes in to lecture everybody about something, which she had no idea about. Something for the kids.

Five:   I never thought any movie about James Garfield would have naked bosoms. A Netflix series about Bill Clinton will be crazy.

Verdict:  Like it. Sure, it has its problems, but it is well done, and you feel like you've learned something. Especially about indoor toilets in the 1880s. 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Twelve

 

 

Jajaw vs Texsass: This is a real important game. So important, Texas has revealed their away jerseys, which look just like their regular away jerseys.   Georgia is a 6.5 point favorite over Texas. The Longhorns started shaky this year, but have straightened out. Georgia did something unusual last week. They actually played an entire game without being 200 points behind. Both teams are battling for a spot in the playoffs. I just think Georgia is a little bit better than Texas. Georgia wins.

 

 

Bees vs Bahston College:  Georgia Tech dropped like a stone when they lost to North Carolina State two weeks ago. This wasn't right because Tech has really played well this year and deserves to be ranked higher.  But they play in the ACC, and I guess that was held against them.  They shouldn't have a problem with Boston College. Bees win. 

 

 

Wescohnson vs Indy: Did you see that catch?  Somehow, someway, Indiana won that game against Penn State. But that's what good teams do. Wisconsin shouldn't be a problem.  Indiana wins. 

 

 

Bama vs Okie: Alabama has their mojo back to say the least. Oklahoma has been up and down all year, but they have lost only two games. The question is: will they beat Alabama?  Answer: No.  Alabama wins. 

 

 

My Beloved Owls vs Jacksonville State:  Kennesaw State has this bad habit of scoring 21 points in the first quarter and then spending the next three quarters trying to make sure their opponent doesn't score 22 points. So far, this strategy has worked.  This week, The Owls play Jacksonville State, which is in Alabama and probably has as many students from Cobb County as Kennesaw State. They have a good record, but this is just Kennesaw State's year.  Kennesaw State wins.  

 

 

 

This Week's Pick-Week Eleven

 

 

 

Jawja vs Other Upright Walking Bulldogs:  Georgia, somehow, again won a game in which the other team outplayed them for about fifty minutes. Mississippi State beat Arkansas, which was exactly what the Cow Bell ringers needed. Georgia might be looking past their upright brothers to next week's Texas game. For what it is worth, Georgia is ranked fifth in the College Football Playoff rankings. To show you how rough College Football is, Georgia Tech, which has only lost one game like Georgia, is ranked seventeen. This just goes to show you how important every game is now.  Georgia wins. 

 

 

Mormons vs The Other Tech:  There have been a lot of comments on X-Twitter that College Gameday spends way too much time in the SEC and not enough time elsewhere. So, they'll be in Lubbock, Texas, seeing BYU play Texas Tech. Pat McAfee will probably try to herd some cattle or drill for oil. Texas Tech wins. 

 

 

Aggies vs Moosuri.  Mizzou always plays tough, but Texas A&M is the boss. I think the Aggies are the team you need to watch to win the whole kit and kaboodle.  Aggies win.

 

 

Ellessyou vs Bamy: In years past, this would have been appointment TV. Now, it is appointment TV only if you want to see sad LSU fans. They have an interim coach, and it sounds like the governor will be in on the Head Coach search. That should turn out well. The FSU game was a century ago for the Crimson Tide. Bama wins.  

 

 

WarTigers vs Commode Doors:  Another week, another Big Time SEC coach given the gate. Hugh Freeze just didn't fit in. Just take your millions and walk out the door. It is not a bad gig if you can get it. Vandy almost beat Texas last week. I just don't see Auburn winning this game. Vandy wins.

 

  

My Beloved Owls vs New Mexico State:  In case you didn't know, Kennesaw State is bowl eligible for the first time in school history. Praise Jesus. They are playing the other Aggies, New Mexico State, who are 3-5 this season. It should would be nice to get another victory.  Owls win.  

 

 

What It Meant. Maybe.

 

 

 "You believe what you want to believe." ~ Tom Petty

There were some elections on Tuesday, and the results may mean several things to several different people.

For Democrats.  We are back, baby!  We are so back that one of our candidates can text out that he wants to kill a political opponent and the opponent's children in front of the opponent's wife and then kill the opponent's wife. He didn't say anything about killing the opponent's dog.

Don't forget that we got an avowed socialist elected as Mayor of New York. He promises to improve the City of New York by giving away childcare, bus passes, groceries, hot dogs at the hotdog stands, Slurpees at 7/11, and a ton of other goodies all by increasing the taxes on rich people.

For Republicans.  Well, la-de-frickin-da. You won in New Jersey, which is totally Dem, and you won in Virginia, which is so top-heavy with gubment employees that they elected the aforementioned candidate who wants to murder a political opponent.

First of all, as everyone who has watched "Wayne's World" knows,  Milwaukee, Wisconsin, has elected two socialist mayors, so New York, you are a little behind the times. [Footnote:  Thank you, Alice Cooper.]

Secondly, a lot of things Zohran Mamdani promised he can't actually do due to something called "New York State Law".  For example, raise taxes on rich people because they are hoarding all of this money for themselves when they could have been handing 100-dollar bills on 8th Avenue to help "the people". 

Like a lot of things in life, both sides have a point.

Tuesday was not a good night for the Republicans. It is not good to lose elections, particularly since the Democrats have convinced a lot of people that it is the Republicans to blame for the Government shutdown, even though it is the Democrats who shut it down because their Senate leader is afraid of a girl.[Footnote: Chuck Schumer is afraid of AOC. You know it is true.]

Plus, it is not good because this is the first time those pesky little people called "voters" have commented on Trump 2.0.

Trump's biggest problem is inflation, which is not under control, and it will cripple the administration no matter how many times he tries to annex Canada. 

Tuesday was a good night for the Democrats because they mobilized their voters to go to the polls to win. Their voters now have a "warm fuzzy" and have "hope" for the first time in a while. [Footnote: "Hope" to a Democrat is when they win elections.]

They even mobilized their voters down here in Mayberryetta, Georgia, where a 24-year-old software engineer almost toppled the long-time Old Marietta mayor called "Thunder". [Footnote: Really.]

This young man mainly did a couple of yard signs and some TikTok videos. He ran on the "affordability" crisis in Marietta, which is about how expensive it is to live in Marietta. I'm not sure what the mayor of Marietta can do about homeless people not being able to buy a house, but you know, young people. 

As far as I could tell, the challenger was never on the student council in high school or held an elected office in college. He mainly attended city council meetings, and as a history major, I applaud his ability to stay awake during them. His biggest problem, in my opinion, is his lack of experience in, um, anything. 

Still being able to scare "the crap out of the fascists and the corrupt good old boys’ club here in Marietta" as stated by Socialist state Rep. Gabriel Sanchez, is nothing to shake a stick at.

Yes, Smyrna has a Socialist state representative. They are all the rage nowadays. 

Yet, it doesn't mean the Republicans are out for the count. Three years ago, the Democrats turned the Red Wave into a Red Trickle. Then last year, the Republicans got Trump elected and took over the House and the Senate. 

You never know what is going to happen in the next election. You just have to learn from your mistakes in the last one.  That may or may not happen.  

 

This Week's Picks- Week Ten

 

 

 

Jawja vs Floriduh:  It is the annual "Everybody Gets Drunk Bowl" in Jacksonville, Florida.  Georgia is a 7.5-point favorite in Las Vegas, where I guess you get half points.  Something called "Gators Wire" has two bros picking Florida and one bro picking Georgia.  Let's keep it all scientific here (because we believe in science).  Both teams had a bye week. Florida has an interim coach. Georgia still has Kirby Smart.  Georgia wins. 

 

 

Bees vs Werewolves Of Raleigh:  Vegas figures Georgia Tech is a 6.5-point favorite over North Carolina State.  Tech is 8-0 for the first time since Eisenhower was a corporal. People are beginning to talk about Haynes King for the Heisman. You figure Tech's luck might run out, but it might not.  Tech wins.

 

 

Okies vs Tennysee:  Both teams are 6-2, which ain't chopped liver in the SEC, but I don't see a path for them making the playoffs. I think Tennessee is the better of the two. Tennessee wins.

 

 

Lions of Nittany vs Ahia State: In years past, this would have been a big deal game that would have included all of Kirk Herbstreit's dogs and cats, too. But, in case you have heard, Penn State has fallen on some hard times. Ohio State hasn't. It is going to be another long Saturday for Penn State fans.  Ohio State wins.

 

 

Commode Doors vs Texsass:  Speaking of Kirk Herbstreit, Vandy really rolled out the red carpet for Kirk's dogs: Pete, Repeat, and Dog (Kirk ran out of names).  Vandy really hit the big time having The College Gameday crew out there. Vandy even won! I never thought I would write these words: Vandy wins. 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Eight

 

 

 

Jawja vs Ole Mess:  Both teams scooted out with a win last week. UGA has the habit this year of spotting teams two or three touchdowns before they start to get going.  I don't think they can do that to Ole Miss, who beat Georgia last year.  The hot shots have Georgia over Ole Miss. Not quite sure why. The Dawgs will have revenge on their minds. But this getting behind big early in the game has me worried. Whoever wins, it will be by a close margin. Georgia wins, but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't.

 

 

Bees vs Dookie:  Tech just keeps rolling and they are undefeated. Just think about that. They play Duke this Saturday and they are not bad. In fact, the ESPN super-duper computer gives the Jackets only a 38% chance to win.  I guess the computer hasn't watched the same games I have. Tech wins. 

 

 

Ellessyou vs The Commode Doors:  This used to be an easy game for LSU. Not anymore. Vandy is good with their 48 year old quarterback and will give the Tigers fits, but they won't win.  LSU wins. 

 

 

Bamy vs Tennysee:  Tennessee is dirty, low down and a bunch of snitches.  So said Irvin Carney in one of my favorite viral videos of all time. Alabama is dirty, low down, and a bunch of snitches, too, but that's college football. Tennessee beat Alabama on that grand and glorious night when the angels sang. Bama is an 8.5 point favorite in this game.  Bama wins.

 

 

 

Trojan Man vs Our Lady:  This is to be the big deal game of the century. It is not anymore.  Notre Dame wins. 

 

 

GSU vs GSU:  Georgia Southern (School Motto: "Give Me A Bud") plays Georgia State in the battle to see who can claim the rightful title of GSU. Both teams are meh. Georgia Southern has won 2 games, Georgia State has won 1.  Georgia Southern wins because my son went there. 

 

 

Beloved Owls vs Florida International University:  The Owls are 4-2 and had two players win weekly CUSA player of the week awards for their position. FIU is a huge school. Actor Andy Garcia went there. No matter. Owls win. 

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Seven

 

 

 

Jawja vs The War Tigers: The South's oldest football rivalry is between Georgia and Auburn. The last time Auburn beat Georgia was November 11, 2017. Donald Trump was President then too.  Auburn would love to beat Georgia, but they won't. UGA wins. 

 

Tech vs Tech: I'm still bullish on the Yella Fellas on the Flats. I really don't see any possible losses on their schedule until Georgia. Maybe. This isn't some sneaky way to jink Georgia Tech. They are definitely better than the Hokies, which I think is a type of turkey. You never know with these slide rule types. Georgia Tech wins.  

 

 

Ahia State vs Ellenoize: Ohio State is number one in the country, and they haven't been really tested this year. Illinois looked like they were going to get hot, then they hit a brick wall against Indiana. Ohio State is just too good. Ohio State wins. 

 

 

Bamy vs Moosuri:  I'm still puzzled about these new-fangled conferences, like Oregon being in the Big Ten. I still can't get over Missouri being in the SEC. They are a good team, but I think Alabama has turned the corner and has accepted that Nick Saban isn't the coach anymore. Bama wins.

 

 

Quacks vs Indiana Wants Me, Lord I Can't Go Back There: Indiana is a good team. Oregon is just a little bit better. The Ducks win, but Indiana makes it close. Oregon wins. 

 

 

Okie vs Texsass:  Hank and Peggy Hill travel to the Texas State Fair to see Texas play Oklahoma. Oklahoma is playing very well. Texas is not. Manning 3.0 has been underwhelming, to say the least. But this is a game he needs to step up and show his talent, or things will get worse for him.  Oklahoma wins. 

 

 

My Beloved Owls vs Another Dag-gum Tech School. I went to the Kennesaw State homecoming and met Miss Georgia, who was, in pageant terms, a tall drink of water. Kennesaw State won that game. I believe in the Owls.  Louisiana Tech is 4-1, and they are second in Conference USA. Their alumni include Terry Bradshaw,  Phil Robertson (Duck Dynasty), Kix Brooks (or is it Brooks Kix?) of the country group Brooks and Dunn, and Trace Adkins who sang a song about a Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.  Kennesaw State wins. 

 

 

This On That

 

 

You might have noticed that I've entered the "This Week's Picks" season of my blog.

This means that sometimes I don't write on a general topic, but instead give my goofy football picks. 

I missed writing about the recent unpleasantness, that is, the assassination of Charlie Kirk and its aftermath. 

I am a sixty-six-year-old man, and I knew of Charlie Kirk, but I hadn't watched any of his videos in which he debated our glorious generation of college students. I knew he was associated with Trump, but I didn't think too much of it and had no idea he was younger than my son.

Today's college students are bangers on iPhones, not so much on common sense. But college is a time when kids are exposed to "new ideas," and they don't want to hear any of the old ideas that have kept the world running for centuries, like marriage and having babies. 

Charlie Kirk was holding one of his campus "Prove Me Wrong" forums at Utah Valley University.  There was a crack of gunfire, and Kirk was gone.

I'm sure you saw a tape of the shooting.  It was gross and sickening.  

The sane response to this incident would be to recoil in horror. For the most part, people did. However, there is this insane portion of our society that feels it is their responsibility to Address The Nation via their favorite social media platform.

Really ugly X (Twitter) posts (Tweets) popped up, calling him all sorts of names without citing sources or giving context. 

My least favorite ones were on TikTok in which people who are slurping on an iced coffee in the front seat of their car letting you know Charlie Kirk was a (misogynist, racist, or any other "ist" promoting a sin ) and that he got what he deserved.

These social media posts was mean and nasty. They ought to be ashamed of themselves and maybe one day this will be.

The alleged killer was quickly found. It turns out he was living with his "lover," who is transitioning to becoming a female. His reasons for killing Kirk: "I had enough of his hatred. "Some hate can't be negotiated out."

So there you go.

This explanation from the killer has really bumfuzzled some people, particularly Jimmy Kimmel, who thought it was someone from the MAGA side of town. 

Kimmel said in his monologue (note: imagine Johnny Carson or Merv Griffin saying anything close to this in a monologue), "We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang trying to characterize this kid who killed Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it."
 

That's a mighty rich sentence considering "the new lows" of characterizing the kid was a part of the MAGA gang was simply factual wrong. There's no indication he was a "groyper" (a really strange white supremacy group) and any other right wing faction.

Then Kimmel tried to score some political points of his own by showing some clips of Trump acting goofy when asked about the killing. Finally, Kimmel said, "This is not how an adult grieves the murder of someone he called a friend. This is how a 4-year-old mourns a goldfish. Okay?”

I know Kimmel was trying to bust Trump's chops because let's face it, busting Trump's chops is fun.  But who is the goldfish in this analogy?  A living, breathing thirty-one-year-old man who was doing something controversial like talking into a microphone?

Unfortunately, Kimmel was suspended for this. I say unfortunately, because we have the First Amendment in this country, which protects the freedom of speech for all people, even the stupid ones like Jimmy Kimmel. This made Kimmel the poster boy for free speech, which is like making Chris Christie the poster boy for the President's Physical Fitness Test. 

Kimmel was allowed to do his show again. He came out and cried, which is his go-to emotion besides smugness. 

The Kimmel mess took our eye off the ball. We need to have a national conversation, and soon, about the way we treat our fellow man when they have a different point of view. If not, the next time will be worse. 
 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Six

 

 

 

 

 

Jawja vs Kenyucky:  Last week was pretty bad for the Dawgs. They lost, once again, to their heathen kin from the west, Alabama.  Kentucky is 2-2, beating Toledo and Eastern Michigan. This ain't basketball. Georgia wins. 

 

Wesskhansin vs Meechigan. I didn't know this but Wisconsin is "the No. 1 rushing defense in college football. Through four games, they're giving up an average of 50 rushing yards and just 2.11 yards per carry, and two of their games have come against Maryland (61 yards on 23 carries) and Alabama (72 yards on 22 carries)".  See, I can do a little research. Maybe it is the hype, but I never see Wisconsin ever do anything big like beat Michigan.  But I like the chicken dance they do. Michigan wins.

 

Myamme vs Flerida State:  Miami is off to a great start. I just don't see FSU winning this game.  Miami wins.

 

Vandy vs Bamy:  Last year, the Lord blessed us with a Vanderbilt victory over Alabama, which I checked the Scripture and it was not foretold in the Book of Revelation, even in the Greek. It was a tremendous time.  Since then, we have learned that it wasn't a fluke, but The Commodoors actually had a good team, led by an insane forty year old quarterback. I've checked the good book again, but there is no mention of this game. Would it be too much to ask, Lord, for another Vanderbilt victory? Probably.  Alabama wins. 

 

Longherns vs Lizards: Texas travel to Gainesville, Florida to start their SEC play.  You really don't have a good handle on Texas. 3-1 record, but they lost to the only good team on their schedule.  Meanwhile, Florida is having one of those years that sees the Head Coach's contract being bought out.  Texas wins.  

This Week's Picks: Week Five

 

 

 

 

Jawja vs Bammy:  This is always a big game. Alabama is not the Alabama of the days of yore, but you can't fall asleep on them. But, always give me Kirby Smart and a team with a week's rest. Georgia wins.

 

Bees vs Backslidden Deacons: The Bees are having a surprising year if you haven't been following them. All they do is win. And they will again. Georgia Tech wins. 

 

 Our Lady vs. Bacon: At first look, this would be a no brainer. Especially since Arkansas has lost the past two games. However, they have "a potent offense that ranks 15th nationally in passing output behind quarterback Taylen Green and is 18th in FBS averaging nearly 44 points per game." (Whoa, research!) So, Arkansas could, possibly, maybe win this game. Naw.  Notre Dame wins. 

 

 Ellessyou vs Ole Mess:  I know LSU hasn't lost a game, but they don't have much of an offense for a 4-0 team. Their defense is a BEAR.  Ole Miss could surprise people and win this game, which used to be a big deal because the Mississippi people were so snooty. If LSU can get their offense going, they should win this game with no problem. I'm just not a fan of Coach Kelly or Lane Kiffin. LSU wins, but don't be shocked if they don't. 

 

Quacks vs Lions of Nittany: Number 6 versus Number 3. Oregon brings one of their 1400 uniform combinations to Happy Valley for an early season showdown. Some show Oregon as a half a point favorite with others showing Penn State a 3.5 point favorite.  When was the last time you saw someone score a half a point in football?  Both have a 3-0 record, but both haven't played any tough teams, yet. Oregon always seem so fast, so I'm going with them. Oregon wins. 

 

 

Beloved Owls vs Middle Tennessee State:  Well, look who has a two game win streak!  Coach Mack has equaled last year's record and now they start playing their Conference USA schedule.  MTSU has won only one game, but they have been at the football game longer than Kennesaw State.  Let's make it three in a row Hooty Owls. Kennesaw State wins.

This Week's Picks: Week Four

 

 

Last week was a good week.

Georgia Tech won in the last seconds in the claim against Clemson.

Georgia looked like it was down for the count against Tennessee when the Tennessee kicker pushed a field goal attempt wide right. The Dogs won the game in overtime. 

And my Beloved Owls won their first game of the Jerry Mack era. 

Even the Braves won. 

Dang, what is going on here? 

 

 

 

The Mighty Bees vs The Other Owls: Georgia Tech bring a whole lot of Big Mo into their game against Temple (fun fact: the alma mater of Bill Cosby).  Tech has been doing a lot of thing right, so far, this year. As much as the Larry Lightbulb Tech Alums think I bring bad juju, I have to post what I think: Tech wins. 

 

The Other Tech vs Uters: This is a game that pits number 16 (Utah) versus number 17 (Texas Tech). Like all great football predictors, I flipped a coin on this one. Texas Tech wins. 

 

 

The WarTigers vs Okies:  Auburn is 3-0 but is ranked lower than Alabama. That's about par for the course at Toomer's Corner.  Meanwhile, Oklahoma is playing better. I'm going with where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain. Oklahoma wins. 

 

Lizards vs Myammee:  Okay, I'm sorry I called Carson Beck "Goat Boy". It was insulting to all goats everywhere. However, he's played well at Miami. Meanwhile, Florida is 1-2 winning only the opening game against Long Island University.  Miami is strong, Florida is not. Miami wins.

 

Beloved Owls vs Arkansas State:  Yes, last week Kennesaw State beat Merrimack while Arkansas State had to play Iowa State. I know absolutely nothing about Arkansas State except the team nickname is the "Red Wolves" which makes more sense than the Razorbacks.  I'm going out on a limb. Kennesaw State wins. 

Vacation In DC, Part Two: The Other Stuff

 

 

Of course, there are other things to see in Washington, DC, besides the White House.

Ford's Theater, for example. 

Just in case you slept through history class, Ford's Theater was where John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln during the play "Momma Mia". 

Sorry, just a joke. The play Lincoln was watching was called "Our American Cousin."  It is about a high school senior who gets bitten by a radioactive spider and develops spider-like powers. 

Sorry, another joke. "Our American Cousin" is "a farce featuring awkward, boorish American Asa Trenchard, who is introduced to his aristocratic English relatives when he goes to England to claim the family estate." It is a 19th century version of the John Goodman movie, "King Ralph".

You have to remember, they didn't have Netflix back then.

Ford's Theatre is a neat little place, and you see where Lincoln was seated when he met his fate.  There's a neat little museum in the basement, with some Lincoln stuff like his suit (Brooks Brothers!) and the pillow they laid his head on when they carried him across the street to the rooming house where he died.  It is kind of gross. (The pillow, not the suit.)

Between Capitol Hill and the Washington Monument is the area called "The National Mall".   There you will find your Smithsonian Museums, like the Air and Space Museum.

We didn't go to the Air and Space Museum this time.  We've been a couple of times before. You see "The Spirit of St.Louis", the Apollo 11 command module, and the model for the Star Trek Enterprise.  In the 90s, they had a moon rock you could touch (it felt like a rock). 

However, we did go to the Smithsonian Museum of American History. We went for one reason: to see the flag that flew over Fort McHenry which inspired Francis Scott Key to write "The Star Spangled Banner".

They won't let you take pictures of the flag. That's okay. If seeing this flag doesn't inspire you, you have hairy thighs and don't love the Lord.

The rest of the museum is okay.  You see Archie and Edith Bunker's chairs. You see one of Prince's guitars.  Of course, you see Dorothy's shoes.  Just for your information, they no longer display Ted Baxter's WJM jacket. Time marches on, even in a history museum. 

There is one place you must go: The National Archives.

The National Archives has the original Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. 

The Archives open at 10:00 in the morning.  If you go during non-peak vacation times like we did, just get to the Archives as soon as it opens. You will not have to wait in line. You will have to go through security and remove your belt. 

Like seeing the Fort McHenry Flag, it is breathtaking to see these documents. If that doesn't fill you with awe, I'm not sure what will.

The only place to catch your breath after seeing the original Declaration of Independence is the National Archives gift shop.

Of all of the gift shops in DC, the Archives has to be one of the best.  I had to buy these bad boys:

Yes, socks commemorating the famous Nixon-Elvis summit on December 21, 1970.  The historian in me will note that this was fourteen months before Nixon went to China.

Elvis wrote Nixon a letter suggesting that he (Elvis, not Nixon) be appointed as a Special Federal Agent of Burning Love and Nixon thought, "Sure, why not?" Elvis came to the White House and got his picture taken with Nixon. Nixon gave him a badge and Elvis said, "Thank you. Thank you for much."  Soon Elvis left the building. 

 
 

 

This Week's Picks: Week Three

 

 

To me, Week Three of the College Football season is when things really get rolling. The match-ups are better. You can get a better grip on how well your favorite teams is going to do.  Plus, there's only so many Georgia vs Austin Peay games you can watch.

 

 

 

Jawja vs Tennysee: The first REALLY big game for both teams. You have to give the edge to Tennessee because they played Syracuse and, they crushed East Tennessee while Georgia played Marshall and beat Austin Peay but it was not overpowering, to say the least. A little entertainment advice: after Georgia plays lacksy-daisy always turn on "The Bulldog Hotline" the next day. It is incredible. You would think it is the end of the world, if the end of the world was ever punctuated with "Go Dawgs".  There's nothing Tennessee would rather do than beat Georgia this year. But I always try to go with Kirby in games like these. Georgia wins....barely. 

 

Bees vs Tygers:  Like their pals in Athens, Tech has played some lesser teams in the first two games of the season. The Tigers had that bummer of a first game with LSU. Although Tech is better this year, Clemson is better, too.  Clemson wins. 

 

Lizards vs Ellessyou: Oh well, another September, another story about how Billy Napier is on the hot seat. LSU is looking pretty strong this year. They will make alligator shoes out of Florida this Saturday. LSU wins. 

 

 

Ags vs Our Lady:  Texas A&M is a good team. Notre Dame is Notre Dame.  I think the Aggies will win. I can't say why.  Texas A&M wins. 

 

 

Pigs vs Ole Mess:  Arky is Arky. Kind of good, kind of bad.  Ole Miss looks like they don't miss Jaxson Dart that much. Ole Miss is the better team. Ole Miss wins. 

 

Beloved Owls vs Merrimack: Well (it is a deep subject), Kennesaw State played against some historical programs for the first two games of the season.  Merrimack is "One of the fastest-growing educational institutions in the country, Merrimack College is a selective, top-tier college in a beautiful, residential setting — just minutes from Boston, Massachusetts," per their website. Their football team has won a game.  I think Coach Mack will get his first win as the Owls head coach.  Owls win. 

 

 

This Week's Picks: WeekTwo

 

 

 

The season started with a farewell to Coach Corso and to whatever Heisman hopes Arch Manning had.

Florida State looks like they are back. Alabama looks like they have a rough row to hoe. 

The next North Carolina head coach will not have a 24 year old girl friend.

I may have been a little harsh on Goatboy Carson Beck last week. 

 

 

Jawja vs Austin P: According to the school's website, Austin Peay (pronounced "P")  was Tennessee's governor from 1923-1927 and a favorite son of Clarksville, which everybody took the last train to. Peay signed a law establishing Austin Peay Normal School on April 26, 1927. Their cheer is "Let's go Pea".  You won't hear that a lot on Saturday. Dawgs win. 

 

Bee vs Baptist Bulldogs:  Guess what, The Bees will beat the Bulldogs this year.  Tech wins

 

Meechigan vs Okie:  In the past, this would have been a very big game. It still is, but not as big as in the olden days. Oklahoma is in the SEC. Michigan is not. I think the Sooners are just a little big better.  Oklahoma wins. 

 

The Commode Doors vs The Gobblers:  Last year Vanderbilt started their (for them) Cinderella season by defeating Virginia Tech. This year, Virginia Tech wants revenge, which I think is the first time I ever heard anybody wanting revenge on Vanderbilt. It will be interesting to see how Vanderbilt plays. Vanderbilt wins.

 

My Beloved Owls vs Indiana Wants Me, Lord I Can't Go Back There:  The Jerry Mack era began last week and they just came up a little bit short against Wake Forest.  I watched the game and was impressed by the Owl defense and the offense looks pretty fast. So good times are ahead. They just may not be ahead this Saturday. Indiana just has too much.  Indiana wins. 

 

 

Vacation In DC, Part One: The White House.

 

It is just a coincidence that Trump sent the National Guard into Washington, DC the day I left for home.

Yes, Me and Mrs. Blog took a quick vacation to our nation's capitol, Washington, DC and then the President sent the National Guard in when we went home. I swear we left it as we found it. 

It was our first time in Washington (or "DC" as the hip kids call it) since 1999.  We took our then-eight year-old son to see all the sights. We had a lot of fun, but it was hot and muggy. We did a paddle boat on the Potomac and I felt like I was an egg frying in a pan. 

This time the trip was fun, too, mainly because the weather was not hot and muggy but was clear and cool. Totally unlike August. Thanks, climate change!

I will say this about DC and crime.  I wasn't nervous a second when we went out tooling around, mainly because we didn't tool around at night.  Plus, the area of town we stayed in didn't seem like a high-crime area.  It had a guard entering the hotel complex. There wasn't anything nearby that would attract various riff-raff.

The biggest surprise of our trip: we spent five minutes in the Atlanta TSA line. The regular people TSA line, not the fancy-smancy Pre-check TSA line.  It was unbelievable. Usually, Atlanta TSA can take anywhere from 45 minutes to a couple of months.  

Maybe it was because you no longer have to take off your shoes. I don't know. Everything now is such a cynical partisan battle. If you said, "Thanks, Trump" you would get all these TikTok responses where people are calling you a Crypto-Fascist for wanting to wear your shoes.

It probably had more to do with it being the first Wednesday after school started. In Georgia, public schools begin in July or August, so everybody can have a vacation in September.   

We flew into Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, which is near downtown Washington. I had been there twice before, and it seemed much smaller than I remembered. 

From there, we took a cab to our hotel, which is across the street from the SPY museum.  The cab companies have really improved their cabs.

If you remember the movie "DC Cab," which starred Mr. T and Bill Maher (really), the cabs were like that in 1998.

Now you no longer need a tetanus shot to ride in a DC cab.  The cabs are nice and the cab drivers are pleasant, drive the speed limit, and obey the traffic laws.  

Our hotel was near "The Wharf" area of DC. Great hotel. Nice staff. Comfortable beds. Free breakfast in the morning. 

President Kennedy once said Washington, DC had Northern Hospitality with Southern efficiency, but on this trip, everybody was nice and efficient.    

Our first morning there we had tickets for the tour of the White House. My non-partisan advice: it doesn't matter who is President, you really need to take the White House tour at least once in your life.* 

The tickets are free, but you must request tickets from your local Congress person. The ticket requests can be submitted up to three months in advance and no less than 21 days in advance. 

Our Congress person is Marjorie Taylor Greene, who I half-way expected to send me an email saying, "Y'all I lost your request, sorry. I put it on my refrigerator and then when I looked it wasn't there. LOL."

Be assured that the White House tour request is one of those things Congress people do well, even Marjorie.  We got our tickets with clear, understandable instructions, such as, make sure you have a Real ID, which is a driver's license with a star on it. 

You don't have to wear a suit and tie to the White House.  You shouldn't look like Wal-Mart on a Saturday either. This is a place where John Tyler lived, dag-gummit, show some respect.

Our cab let us out at The White House Visitor Center. This is very important because they have bathrooms. If you have to go potty, you can go there because once you start the tour, you just have to hold it because there are no RESTROOMS for "THE PEOPLE" in the White House.**

You wait in line behind the Treasury building.  You meet lots of young Secret Service agents because there are about forty checkpoints before you actually get into The White House.  Quick word of advice: try not to wait behind someone from another country.  Their security requirements are different from those of a US citizen so it takes longer for them to be reviewed.  

You are finally in the White House. Here is what you see: The Vermeil Room, the Library, the China Room, the Blue Room, Red Room, Green Room, the State Dining Room, and a view of the White House Kennedy Garden. 

What you do not see: The West Wing, where the President works. For obvious reasons, you just can't have Al from Mayretta pop in and see how Orange Donny is doing. But it is neat seeing all of these rooms that you have seen on television and movies.

My biggest impression after the tour was these rooms are smaller than they appear on TV. Additionally, I don't know how our blessed Fourth Estate could miss President Biden being half a bubble of plumb.  But he was a Delaware sneaky snake. 

You end your White House Tour by walking out the front door.  There you can have your picture taken in front of The White House with the other tourists, activists protesting whatever needs protesting, and, at least in our case, a man who rides up on a kid's bicycle with a boombox blaring funky Soul Hits of the 70s and doing what charitably could be called "dancing".  

 

* Okay, you caught me.  As I was writing this post, I learned the White House tours have been "paused," while President Trump is building a ballroom/and or roller skating rink.  I wonder if Dave Barry or Lewis Grizzard ever have days like this? 

 

** You can imagine: "Hey guess who was standing in the urinal next to me? Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., for real!" 

   

This Week's Picks: Week One

 

Well, kids, I'm back again with another season of This Week's Picks, the worst college football prediction post on any social media platform in history. 

This Saturday is Lee Corso's last "Gameday" appearance. He's retiring at the age of 90 which means he outlasted me by only 25 years. "Gameday" won't be the same without him.

 

Jawja vs Herds of Thunder:  The Dawgs start the new season playing Marshall, which isn't exactly like playing Texas or Clemson.  The new Dawg quarterback drives a pickup truck, not a Lamborghini and doesn't look like a billy goat.  The Dawgs are ranked 5th right now, which seems about right.  Dawgs win. 


Bees vs Buffs:   I like Coach Neon Deion Prime Time Sanders, honest, I do. I just haven't decided if he's a good coach or not.  Georgia Tech looked a lot better last year than they have in a long time.  Don't hate me Tech fans: Bees win. 

 

Texsass vs Ahia State:  Well, Ohio State won the championship last year, and Texas didn't. This year, Texas starts as the number one ranked team, and they think a Manning will lead them to the promised land as the prophets foretold.  Maybe. I tend to agree that Texas is better than Ohio State.  Texas wins. 

Alabama vs Florida State:  Alabama had a wacky year last year. Getting beaten by Vanderbilt will do that to you.  Meanwhile, Florida State had a bad year last season, which is worse than wacky.  Bama wins. 

 

Ellesyou vs Clem:  I watched "SEC Football: On Any Given Saturday" on Netflix last week and I noticed that LSU is good, but there's something about them that's a little off.  I can't put my finger on it. For some reason, Brian Kelly just doesn't jive with the bayou and boudin (pronounced "Boo-Dan").  Meanwhile, Clemson came back from a couple of so-so seasons to play really well last year.  I generally always pick SEC over ACC especially at the beginning of the season.  Tigers win. (See what I did there?)

Our Lady vs Myamee:  Two of my least favorite teams. Oh sure, they are great and all that, but gee, sometimes they are just too much. Miami has former Georgia quarterback Carson "Billy Goat" Beck as their starting quarterback. For that reason alone, Notre Dame wins. 

  

My Beloved Owls vs Possessed Deacons:  The Owls had a rough season last year. They fired their coach and hired Jerry Mack. Hopefully, he can have the Owls flying high this year.  I would love for Kennesaw State to beat Wake Forest, but, as Lewis Grizzard once told me, for real, " Always bet with your head and not your heart".  Wake Forest wins.

 

 

The Hard And The Beautiful

 

 

I’m going to be honest with you. I’ve had many teachers during my days as a student in the Cobb County Public School System who were not good teachers.  However, I've also had many fine teachers. 

 

Probably the best teacher I had was Roger Hines.  He taught English at Wheeler High School.  I was not into my humor writing mode at the time, mainly because I could not spell and I didn’t know many rules of English Grammar. 

 

I think I knew what a “dangling participle” was (it was when your participles dangles and would cause you to flunk Freshman English in college because in those days college professors got a thrill out of ruining your life.) For some reason, the “your” and “you’re” issue which plagues this current generation, wasn’t a problem.

 

I knew I wanted to go to college and I heard you had to write a lot of papers. So, as a senior at Wheeler (School Motto:  “Does your mother know you are wearing that?”), I took Grammar taught by Mr. Hines. I’m positive I had the lowest GPA in the class, mainly because I was dumb and lazy, which is a terrible combination for any type of student. 

 

Well.  Mr. Hines did not earn his nickname, “The Grammar Hammer,” for nothing.  His class was very tough and somehow I made a “B” due to the grace of God.  

 

But, Mr. Hines made Grammar interesting.  He didn’t use sentence diagramming.  According the Lord and Master of the Universe (Google AI Overview), Sentence Diagramming “breaks down a sentence into its component parts and shows how they relate to each other using lines, positions, and shapes. This technique helps in understanding the function of each word and the overall structure of the sentence.”

 

It never did with me. 

 

Mr. Hines (everyone calls him “Mister”) has written a book, “The Hard And The Beautiful: Life In a Family Of Seventeen Children” (Westbow Press). For the record, Mr. Hines is number 16 out of 17. You can buy the memoir from Amazon or Barnes and Noble's website. 

 

One thing I share with Mr. Hines is the state of Mississippi.

 

My mom was born and raised in the state of Mississippi, or as my Uncle Fatty would say, “Miss-a-sloppy”. She moved to Marietta, Georgia to help her sister, Elizabeth (or how they pronounced it: “Lizbeth”) after Elizabeth had twins, Linda and Brenda.  In Marietta, she met and married my father and then had three stair step feral boys. I was the youngest.  Even though she lived in Georgia, she always considered Mississippi "home" and insisted we did too even though all three of us were born on the second floor of Kennestone Hospital.  Some people from Mississippi can be stubborn for no logical reason.

 

Mom was from “The Delta”.  The Delta is the “birthplace of the Blues”.  If you have been in the Mississippi Delta during the summer, you will understand why people were singing the blues. 

We didn't take vacations to the beach or Disney World.  We went to Mississippi to visit kin.  

 

My mom was from a large family, too.  Grover and Laura Moore had seven children.  Grover had a store. The store went belly-up during the depression. Mama and them had to work on a farm. They had money, and then they became poor, which is something that stuck with mom for the rest of her life. 

The Moores were poor, but compared to the Hines family of Forest, Mississippi, they were the Rockefellers.  Mr. Hines did not grow up poor. Mr. Hines grew up "po" (they couldn't afford the "o" or the "r.")

 

Outhouse, yes, of course.  No running water in the house. Heat was provided by a fireplace.  Everybody went barefoot. Clothes were passed down and passed down and passed down.

Since Mr. Hines was at the tail end of the children, his older brothers and sisters were like second parents to him.  Amazingly, there were no black sheep in this family unless you want to count the siblings who joined the Charismatic churches and spoke in tongues. 

 

Mr. Hines's mother, like all mothers, was a saintly woman.  She was changing diapers while her oldest sons were in Europe during World War II.

Mr. Hines relates that his mother would say she was "slap give out" (Translation: "I'm tired").  I've heard my mother say that a million times.  His mother also said, "I'll swanny".  So did mine, but my Mom said, "I'll swanny to Pete".*

W.E. Hines was Mr. Hines's father. He was a man economical with his words.  He was a hard-working man because there are no other kinds of tenant farmers. 

 

W.E. kept a daily diary, which is one of the funniest parts of the book. The diary was short and included the days highs and lows.  Family legend has it that when Mr. Hines was born, his dad wrote: "Roger born today. Low today 76.  High today 98".

You don't know anything about the teachers who taught you. You don't know their struggles. You don't know their pain. You don't know if they like teaching and young people, or if they got into it because it was an easy major.  

 

All you know is that for an hour of your life, daily for several weeks, they taught you, and hopefully, you remember some of it.  Mr. Hines once mentioned a C.S. Lewis line about "trousered apes," and I think about that every time I see Florida Georgia Line on TV.**

To my Wheeler pals: you would do well to buy and read "The Hard And The Beautiful."  It gives you great insight into a person we all loved and admired.

 

If you are anything like me, you have always wanted to grade a former teacher. 

 

Here's mine: A+. 

 

 

*The Bible forbids people from swearing, but it doesn't forbid swannying

**Mr. Hines loves country music, the George Jones type. "Three chords and the truth". Pedal steel guitar. Every year, on Facebook, he reviews the Country Music Awards show by basically saying he watched five minutes of it and turned it off. 

 

 

What Sells

 

 

Have you ever thought some people have lost their ever-lovin cotton-pickin' minds?  It turns out many, at least on TikTok, have.

There is an actress named Sydney Sweeney who is, as Little Richard would say, "built for speed." A nicer way of saying it is that she is a comely young blonde who is well-endowed. 

She has appeared in several movies and streaming TV shows. For some reason, her bosoms have also made cameo appearances in these movies and streaming TV shows. She is the closest thing we have to an "It" girl in popular culture today.

When I was a young man, Farrah Fawcett was "It". Every boy loved Farrah, particularly the poster of her in a bathing suit. For the record, I didn't have the poster because I have been washed in the blood. However, I did give the poster to one of my brothers for Christmas.

I was a Linda Carter man.  I mean, Farrah was good-looking, and I wouldn't kick her out of the proverbial bed for eating proverbial crackers. In fact, I wouldn't kick her out of the proverbial bed for eating proverbial sardines. 
 

I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure Farrah would not acknowledge me in the hall at my high school. I'm not saying Linda would consider me eye candy, but you never know. She might have laughed at my jokes, but I bet she would still ride off with the captain of the football team at the end of the day.

We used to have "Super Models". I think they had super powers. Christie Brinkley. Cheryl Tiegs. Kathy Ireland.  Lord. we thank ye for them.   I couldn't tell you the name of any current (under 30) Super Models.  I don't even know if they make them anymore.

American Eagle is a company that makes and sells blue jeans and blue jeans accessories.  They wanted to improve their profit margins and make money for their investors. The nerve of them.

They brought in Ms. Sweeney for a commercial.  In the commercial,  Sweeney is wearing a tight pair of blue jeans and a tight denim shirt that amplifies her cleavage.  Her line: "Genes are passed down from parents to offspring, often determining traits like hair color, personality, and even eye color. My jeans are blue.”

One woman on social media "accused American Eagle of implicitly arguing that everyone with a different racial or ethnic background is de facto ugly."

I wouldn't say American Eagle was "implicitly arguing" that "everyone with a different racial or ethnic background is de facto ugly and therefore less human."  They were "implicitly arguing" that Sydney Sweeney is hot and if you want to be hot, you need to dress like Sydney Sweeney, which means you'll need to buy our blue jeans.

Others stated American Eagle's "great genes/jeans" pun in the advertisement is a dog whistle for your friends and mine, the Nazis. Ah, yes, the great dog whistle argument.  If you listen to a lot of people on TikTok, everything is a dog whistle.

It's like they imagined Don Draper coming into the board room of Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Price, Nixon, and Agnew with the marketing head honchos of American Eagle, three sheets to the wind, saying something like:

"We'll get Sydney Sweeney wearing a pair of your jeans in an ad and you will sell a lot of jeans and increase membership in the Hitler Youth. It is a win-win. Peggy get me some more of that magic brown liquid." 

Instead of focusing on the hyper-sexual nature of Sweeney and her movies, they go off on this loony interpretation about Nazis and how the new Trump era doesn't think anybody but blondes can be pretty. 

Back in my young adulthood, there was an actress/model named Brooke Shields, and she did an ad for Calvin Klein jeans in which she said, "You want to know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing.”

I know the 80s were such an innocent time, but that was a pretty shocking ad because it implicitly stated Brooke went commando or something. Maybe it had something to do with the Nazis. I don't remember.

Brooke was 15 years old when they did that ad, so it was, at the very least, "inappropriate" for a 15-year-old to comment on her lack of drawers.

Sweeney doesn't have that problem. She is an adult. The National Nags had to go with the possible Nazi angle, and "only white beauty standards were genetically superior to others" argument, which is very silly.

I mean, really. You are expecting a genetics argument from Sydney Sweeney and a blue jean company?

There's a commercial for a protein shake where a pleasantly plump actress says this shake is her "ride or die". I guess because it tastes good. I don't think the Shake Company is saying this full-figured gal is superior to others. They are saying, "buy our shake."

Frank Conniff, who was on "Mystery Science Theatre"  posted on X: "Sydney Sweeney did a sexually suggestive commercial made for the sole purpose of selling jeans. You see, this is why Democrats always lose."

First of all, Democrats don't always lose. But Conniff was right. There are those, and they are mainly Democrats, who have to make a big deal out of every small thing, and people tune them out. 

Someone responded to Conniff's post, saying, "It's an American impulse to see a demonstrably very attractive young woman having her moment and deciding she needs to be taken down a notch.  They just had to reach for this."

That they did.
 

 

 

Where Have You Gone, Johnny Carson?

 

 I know, I know.

Johnny Carson died in 2005 due to his love affair with cigarettes. 

You can watch Johnny Carson on YouTube.  Johnny puffing away on cancer sticks while interviewing someone your parents liked. The guy from "Police Woman",  David Janssen, Rodney Dangerfield, and Joan Rivers, who landed in Johnny's dog house for not calling him to tell him she was going to star in the new Fox Television Network's show opposite him. When you got in Johnny's dog house, you stayed in Johnny's dog house.

 I've been thinking about Johnny a lot lately, with all of the brouhaha about "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert".

Out of the blue, CBS, which is owned by Paramount, which is merging with Skydance, canceled "The Late Show."  Skydance is owned by David Ellison, who is the son of Larry Ellison, who is big buddies with the Orange Threat To Democracy, Donald Trump. Got that?

Colbert has been, um, extremely critical of The Orange Man.  I can't think of a positive statement Colbert has made about Trump.  Maybe he has, I don't know. I don't even know if Colbert has admitted that Trump is a carbon-based life form.

Because Skydance needed the approval from the FCC to merge with Paramount and Ellison's connection to Trump, this has led some to think the cancellation of "The Late Show" has to do more with Trump than anything else. You don't have to be Lt. Columbo to see that this is another step to fascism. 

Sen Elizabeth Warren said, "It’s a shame that CBS canceled 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,' but it is a threat to all of us that the top late-night show in the country may have been canceled to curry favor with a wannabe king."

Here's another view.

In the first quarter of 2025, Colbert averaged 2.42 million viewers. Jimmy Kimmel averaged 1.77 million. Jimmy Fallon averaged 1.9 million viewers.

Greg Gutfield averaged 3.29 million viewers.  I know I went to Cobb County Public School, but 3.29 million is more than 2.42 million which would make Gutfield the "top" light night show, but maybe I'm just being pedantic.

By the way, Johnny Carson averaged 12 million viewers a night.

Also, and this is important, the Wall Street Journal said Late Night lost $40 million last year.  Reuters added that the ad revenue from Late Night went from $121 million in 2018 to $70.2 million last year. 

Colbert had several problems. Instead of producing an entertainment show, he produced a daily political science class.  His lone guest on the evening he announced CBS was cancelling him was.....wait for it... the sexy and exciting...Adam Schiff!

Even if you think Schiff performed yeoman's duties in protecting this country from the ravages of Trumpism, he's got all the charisma of a wet sock. If you are trying to put people to sleep, there's no better person than the Senator from California. 

Senator Warren was on several times. Why?  Was it a bribe to curry favor for "The National Stephen Colbert Day"?  You have all of these movie stars out there, and you trot out Elizabeth Warren, the country's librarian, to shush the country's conservatives. My Lord.

On top of everything, Colbert just could not tell a joke. Lecture, yes. Scold, yes. Joke, no. 

Let's just face the facts.  The American TV talk show is in hospice if not already dead.

When I was a kid, there were dozens of TV Westerns. Each network had several. Then one day, Matt Dillon rode off into the sunset, and there were no more westerns. 

Each network had a variety show. Flip Wilson, Jim Nabors, Carol Burnett, and my mother's favorite, Dean Martin. Dino would start his show singing the first line of "Everybody Loves Somebody" and slide down a pole.  That's entertainment!  I looked around one day, and they were gone, like Abraham, Martin, and John.

It is the same with talk shows.  Once, giants roamed the airwaves. You had Johnny, who told jokes. Merv could sing. Dick Cavett had The Beatles on trashing each other. There was always something to watch.

Jimmy Fallon, who seems like a nice guy, but like Colbert, cannot tell a joke to save his life.  Jimmy Kimmel has his moments, but like Colbert, his nose is so far up the Democratic Party leadership's rear ends that he took brown-nosing to new levels.

Like James Lileks, I was there for career of David Letterman "before he adopted the beard of a 19th-century prophet who roamed the Midwest fulminating about the godlessness of raw walnuts or something."  

Letterman was fun back then with his Stupid Pet Tricks and Top Ten Lists. Somewhere in his run, probably after Leno started to beat him in the ratings with a less inspired show, Old Dave realized he was never going to be Johnny Carson and Dave became a grouch.

The kids don't like talk shows.  They like Tik-Tok where the entertainment features people dancing in their kitchens and their monologues are in the front seat of their car.

When I was a kid, Carson gave this boomer a peek into the fabulous world of adulthood. "Greatest Generation stars, Borscht Belt joke machines, elegant actresses, and the occasional woman from the zoo who brought some terrified marsupial to pee on Johnny’s jacket."  It wasn't a bunch of men crying when their candidate lost an election.  Could you imagine Carson balling over Hubert Humphrey losing in 1968? 

You can't because he wouldn't have. 

He'd light up a cigarette and introduce Angie Dickinson.

 

Welcome To MOHS!

 

WARNING!  I AM AN OLD PERSON AND I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT MY MEDICAL PROCEDURE.

But first, a little background since I am an old person and we are required to inform you of every trivial aspect of a story, particularly one medical in nature. ("It was on a Tuesday, no, make that a Thursday because Wednesday we made sweet love and then we watched Johnny Carson who had Chevy Chase (1)on who used to be on "Saturday Night Live"...wait, come back here.")

It began late last summer. We have a little natural island in our front yard, and it has trees with low-hanging branches.  

One day, while I was out spraying the hostas ("Spraying The Hostas" would be a great name for a  90s rock band) with deer repellent,  I either 1) ran into a branch or 2) a branch poked me in the ear. Either way, I got a gash on my ear ("Gash On My Ear" would be the hit song by "Spraying The Hostas"). 

I didn't think that much about it. It developed a scab and I picked at it because I was newly retired and needed a hobby. I know that is gross and I have prayed about it. 

Two months later, my ear was still scabby. I had my yearly physical with my PCP (2) who said, "You better get a dermatologist to look at it."  As soon as I walked out of the doctor's office, I forgot about it.

 
About three months later, I woke up with blood stains on my pillow. For some reason, my wife didn't like this. I must have picked at it in my sleep.  So I came up with a brilliant idea after I washed my pillow case and my pillow.  I had my wife put a Band-Aid over my scab so I wouldn't pick at it.

Well, it never got better so my wife told me to call my PCP.  The PCP was out so I saw the Nurse Practitioner who prescribed an ointment and advised me to go and see a dermatologist.

By this time, this very ugly scab in my ear was even uglier and even MY SON noticed it. So I went to the dermatologist. That's when things began to get interesting. Well, at least as interesting as it can get at the dermatologist's office.

The first thing you notice at the dermatologist's office is that it has many older people wearing thick bandages. 

The second thing you notice is the office staff who were born during the George W. Bush administration.

Due to my age, the dermatology PA (3) did a "skin check" on me to see if I had any other complaints.  I wear socks older than this PA.  She took a biopsy of a place on my neck, my back, and the reason I came to the office, my ear.

The results: I had a basal cell carcinoma (4) on my neck, a squamous cell carcinoma (5) on my back, and another basal cell carcinoma  in my ear that was caused by the whacking of the tree branch. (6)

My wife had breast cancer. My college roommate/best man died from pancreatic cancer. My brother-in-law died from leukemia.   I did not want to make a big deal of the skin cancers I had. After all, if you are going to have cancer, skin cancer is the best to get. Most skin cancers are not aggressive.  Yes, I know Nellie Fox, Jimmy Buffett,(7) and Freddie Freeman's mother died of skin cancer, but compared to some other cancers, skin cancer does not require you to have chemotherapy and lose your hair. 

Both the cancers on my neck and back were carved out by the PA and I had a stitch pattern that looked like a railroad track.  It was uncomfortable and I tried to be a big boy and not scream during the procedures. 

The one in my ear (oh yeah, remember?) had to be removed by a procedure called "Mohs Surgery" and it was named for the physician who developed it, Frederic Mohs. (8) In the history of medicine, this was a big deal.  Dermatologists were always made fun of by the other doctors. ( Random Doctor:"Well, Dr. Mohs, what's new in the pimple popping world?"  Dr. Mohs:  "I have developed a new procedure and named it after myself. Have you done anything like that, Dr. Bypass?")

According to Healthline.com, "Mohs surgery is a painstaking procedure. It requires microscopic analysis of tissue cells while the surgery is taking place. The borders of each thin layer of tissue are analyzed for potential malignancy as they are removed horizontally. This technique is designed to remove the entire tumor with minimal amounts of healthy tissue. This results in less disfigurement."  

It is not a day at the beach because the microscopic analysis takes a while, and believe it or not, I wasn't the only Mohs patient that day. But I was the youngest. 
 
The actual removal of the tumor wasn't too bad. I have to give praise to the doctor because, as we say down here, they done numbed me real good. 

It was the skin graft that hurt.

They took a piece of skin from a fatty part of my body, which I have plenty of.  Then they sewed the skin into my ear where the tumor was located.  I had a doctor on one side of me, a PA on the other, and their nurse assisting both of them.  

The only problem was that the numbing agent, Lidocaine, causes "the shakes".     

I was shaking so much I thought they would have to tie me down. 

Soon, it was over. I arrived at the doctor's office at 11:00 am and I left at 6:00 pm. 

The doctor prescribed an awesome painkiller that made me sleep. He told me to take it easy for the next day or so. Which I did, and I've managed to stretch it out, taking it easy for the rest of the week.

They bandaged my ear, as we say down here, in a big old bandage. My wife explained to the most important man in our lives, the owner of the Chick-fil-A that we go to, that I had Mohs surgery.  I still had to pay for our meal.

The ear still hurts, but it is getting better. Pretty soon, it will be a distant memory. Until the next tree branch pokes me. 

 

 Footnotes

 1.  My son's father-in-law is a retired pilot for American Airlines. One of his passengers during his working years was Chevy Chase, who he said was a very nice guy. 

2.  Primary Care Physician. 

3.  Physician's Assistant. I'm not sure where Physician's Assistants rank in the medical world, although there seems to be a lot of them. 

4.  The most common form of skin cancer. You probably have several on you right now.

5.  A little more serious than basal cell, but definitely harder to spell or pronounce.

6.  I didn't know this. So don't pick at it. 

7.  Jimmy Buffett died of Merkle Cell Carcinoma which has nothing to do with stepping on a pop top. 

8.  The picture at the end of the post is Dr. Mohs. You'd think they would have given him a bigger plaque.