Welcome To MOHS!

 

WARNING!  I AM AN OLD PERSON AND I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT MY MEDICAL PROCEDURE.

But first, a little background since I am an old person and we are required to inform you of every trivial aspect of a story, particularly one medical in nature. ("It was on a Tuesday, no, make that a Thursday because Wednesday we made sweet love and then we watched Johnny Carson who had Chevy Chase (1)on who used to be on "Saturday Night Live"...wait, come back here.")

It began late last summer. We have a little natural island in our front yard, and it has trees with low-hanging branches.  

One day, while I was out spraying the hostas ("Spraying The Hostas" would be a great name for a  90s rock band) with deer repellent,  I either 1) ran into a branch or 2) a branch poked me in the ear. Either way, I got a gash on my ear ("Gash On My Ear" would be the hit song by "Spraying The Hostas"). 

I didn't think that much about it. It developed a scab and I picked at it because I was newly retired and needed a hobby. I know that is gross and I have prayed about it. 

Two months later, my ear was still scabby. I had my yearly physical with my PCP (2) who said, "You better get a dermatologist to look at it."  As soon as I walked out of the doctor's office, I forgot about it.

 
About three months later, I woke up with blood stains on my pillow. For some reason, my wife didn't like this. I must have picked at it in my sleep.  So I came up with a brilliant idea after I washed my pillow case and my pillow.  I had my wife put a Band-Aid over my scab so I wouldn't pick at it.

Well, it never got better so my wife told me to call my PCP.  The PCP was out so I saw the Nurse Practitioner who prescribed an ointment and advised me to go and see a dermatologist.

By this time, this very ugly scab in my ear was even uglier and even MY SON noticed it. So I went to the dermatologist. That's when things began to get interesting. Well, at least as interesting as it can get at the dermatologist's office.

The first thing you notice at the dermatologist's office is that it has many older people wearing thick bandages. 

The second thing you notice is the office staff who were born during the George W. Bush administration.

Due to my age, the dermatology PA (3) did a "skin check" on me to see if I had any other complaints.  I wear socks older than this PA.  She took a biopsy of a place on my neck, my back, and the reason I came to the office, my ear.

The results: I had a basal cell carcinoma (4) on my neck, a squamous cell carcinoma (5) on my back, and another basal cell carcinoma  in my ear that was caused by the whacking of the tree branch. (6)

My wife had breast cancer. My college roommate/best man died from pancreatic cancer. My brother-in-law died from leukemia.   I did not want to make a big deal of the skin cancers I had. After all, if you are going to have cancer, skin cancer is the best to get. Most skin cancers are not aggressive.  Yes, I know Nellie Fox, Jimmy Buffett,(7) and Freddie Freeman's mother died of skin cancer, but compared to some other cancers, skin cancer does not require you to have chemotherapy and lose your hair. 

Both the cancers on my neck and back were carved out by the PA and I had a stitch pattern that looked like a railroad track.  It was uncomfortable and I tried to be a big boy and not scream during the procedures. 

The one in my ear (oh yeah, remember?) had to be removed by a procedure called "Mohs Surgery" and it was named for the physician who developed it, Frederic Mohs. (8) In the history of medicine, this was a big deal.  Dermatologists were always made fun of by the other doctors. ( Random Doctor:"Well, Dr. Mohs, what's new in the pimple popping world?"  Dr. Mohs:  "I have developed a new procedure and named it after myself. Have you done anything like that, Dr. Bypass?")

According to Healthline.com, "Mohs surgery is a painstaking procedure. It requires microscopic analysis of tissue cells while the surgery is taking place. The borders of each thin layer of tissue are analyzed for potential malignancy as they are removed horizontally. This technique is designed to remove the entire tumor with minimal amounts of healthy tissue. This results in less disfigurement."  

It is not a day at the beach because the microscopic analysis takes a while, and believe it or not, I wasn't the only Mohs patient that day. But I was the youngest. 
 
The actual removal of the tumor wasn't too bad. I have to give praise to the doctor because, as we say down here, they done numbed me real good. 

It was the skin graft that hurt.

They took a piece of skin from a fatty part of my body, which I have plenty of.  Then they sewed the skin into my ear where the tumor was located.  I had a doctor on one side of me, a PA on the other, and their nurse assisting both of them.  

The only problem was that the numbing agent, Lidocaine, causes "the shakes".     

I was shaking so much I thought they would have to tie me down. 

Soon, it was over. I arrived at the doctor's office at 11:00 am and I left at 6:00 pm. 

The doctor prescribed an awesome painkiller that made me sleep. He told me to take it easy for the next day or so. Which I did, and I've managed to stretch it out, taking it easy for the rest of the week.

They bandaged my ear, as we say down here, in a big old bandage. My wife explained to the most important man in our lives, the owner of the Chick-fil-A that we go to, that I had Mohs surgery.  I still had to pay for our meal.

The ear still hurts, but it is getting better. Pretty soon, it will be a distant memory. Until the next tree branch pokes me. 

 

 Footnotes

 1.  My son's father-in-law is a retired pilot for American Airlines. One of his passengers during his working years was Chevy Chase, who he said was a very nice guy. 

2.  Primary Care Physician. 

3.  Physician's Assistant. I'm not sure where Physician's Assistants rank in the medical world, although there seems to be a lot of them. 

4.  The most common form of skin cancer. You probably have several on you right now.

5.  A little more serious than basal cell, but definitely harder to spell or pronounce.

6.  I didn't know this. So don't pick at it. 

7.  Jimmy Buffett died of Merkle Cell Carcinoma which has nothing to do with stepping on a pop top. 

8.  The picture at the end of the post is Dr. Mohs. You'd think they would have given him a bigger plaque. 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

12 Useless School Rules That Only Made Sense In The 70s

 

 

On the MSN landing page of my computer, there are articles, with pictures, about various topics. 

 

Most of the articles are dumb, obviously written by a Gen Zer or a millennial.  "10 Situation Comedies That Are Classics That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of."  "6 Dogs That Probably Would Support Hitler."  "10 Bands That Are As Overrated As The Beatles."

 

Recently, they had one titled "12 Useless School Rules That Only Made Sense In The 70s".  Since I had most of my education in "the 70s", I have taken the opportunity to cut and paste the article (in italics) and follow it with my comments.  

 

1. No Calculators Allowed

Teachers insisted we’d never have a calculator in our pockets. “Learn to do it by hand,” they’d say, “because you won’t always have a machine to do it for you!” Now, every smartphone has a calculator, and most jobs require computer literacy rather than manual calculation skills. Those hours spent memorizing multiplication tables seem almost quaint now. 

"Seems almost quaint now" is a nice way of saying "stupid". Calculators were very expensive in the 70s and usually only the Whiz-Bang Math Kids had them. They were the ones who figured out 58008 upside down spelled "Boobs", which even they were interested in. 

 

2. Girls Must Wear Skirts or Dresses

Until the mid-1970s, many schools required girls to wear skirts or dresses, even in freezing weather. Pants were considered inappropriate for girls despite being more practical and comfortable. The rule finally changed after parents protested about their daughters having to wear skirts during the winter months. 

I was at Wheeler High School (School Motto: "You might marry one of these girls so act like you have some sense") in the 70s and I don't remember girls wearing dresses. Some of the girls wore inappropriate clothing that allowed you to see parts of her body that you wasn't supposed to see until you joined the Navy.  Of course, these girls are grandmothers now. 

 

 

3. Smoking Area for Students

Believe it or not, many high schools had designated smoking areas for students in the 1970s. With parent permission, students aged 16 and up could smoke during breaks. Some schools even had indoor smoking lounges! The practice continued until research about second-hand smoke emerged in the late 1970s.  

I have written about this before, but Wheeler had a smoking section called either "The Smoking Section" or "The Smoke Hole".  The teachers could smoke in the "Teacher's Lounge".  One teacher, as the bell for the end of the school rang, would have a cigarette in her mouth walking through the hall as the kids were rushing to their buses. I think this teacher would have enjoyed giving us second hand smoke. 

 

 

4. Left-Handed Writing Restrictions

Some teachers still forced left-handed students to write with their right hands, believing left-handedness was a bad habit that needed correcting. Although this practice declined by the 1970s, it persisted in some schools. The psychological impact of this forced change is now well-documented, but it was considered normal back then.  

This is pure horse-feathers.  I went to school in the Deep South and I never saw this.

 

 

5. Mandatory Skirt Length Checks

Girls had to kneel on the floor while teachers measured the distance between their skirt hem and the floor. The rule stated skirts couldn’t be more than two inches above the knee when kneeling. Despite the rising popularity of shorter skirts in fashion, this humiliating practice was common throughout the decade.   

This "humiliating practice" was not done when I was in school and the US Congressman for our district belonged to The John Birch Society.

 

 

6. No Hair Below the Collar for Boys

Despite the popularity of long hair in the 1970s, many schools maintained strict rules about boys’ hair length. Hair couldn’t touch the shirt collar or cover the ears. Some schools even sent boys home with notes requiring haircuts before they could return to class.  

No, they didn't. 

 

 

7 Duck and Cover Drills

These Cold War-era drills continued well into the 1970s. Students were instructed to hide under their desks in case of nuclear attack – as if a wooden desk would protect anyone from an atomic bomb! Looking back, it seems more like a way to give kids a false sense of security.  

I remember doing these, but the teachers also advised it was in case we got hit by a Tornado or something.  But, I've got to say the desks we had could survive an atomic bomb.

 

8. Corporal Punishment

Many schools still used paddles for discipline in the 1970s. The principal’s office often had a wooden paddle prominently displayed as a deterrent. Parents typically signed permission slips allowing this form of punishment, which wouldn’t be tolerated in most schools today.  

I don't remember corporal punishment in high school, but in junior high school the Vice Principal was the bringer of pain. There was a rumor he had paddle with holes in it which would make it hurt worse.  We had one P.E. coach in junior high school who would chase kids around the gym with a wiffle ball bat. He had to stop when all of the Yankees moved into the school district. 

 

 

9. No Water Bottles in Class

Drinking water was only allowed at water fountains during breaks. The idea of carrying water bottles would have seemed absurd – teachers worried students would use them to pass notes or create disturbances. You had to raise your hand and ask permission to get a drink, even on the hottest days.  

I don't think teachers worried that students would use a water bottle to pass notes. I don't even know how that would be done.  They were really worried about chewing gum.  When they started allowing water, soft drinks, french fries, hamburgers, and gum in class is when America started to go downhill. 

 

10. Gender-Separated Classes

Physical education wasn’t the only separated class – many schools divided students by gender for subjects like home economics (girls only) and shop class (boys only). This practice reinforced gender stereotypes and limited learning opportunities for both sexes.  

My 70s education in a county in the Deep South, boys had to take home economics and shop class. In fact, my son has the book shelve I made in seventh grade. I made a "C" on it. The Shop Teacher was being generous. 

 

 

11. Typewriter-Only Papers

Many teachers only accepted typed papers, but computers weren’t available. Students had to use manual typewriters, and one mistake meant retyping the entire page. Some schools even required students to take typing classes, insisting it was a crucial life skill – though they never imagined we’d all be typing on phones!   

Typing Class was probably the most useful class I ever took. It really helped out because computers, if you haven't heard, require you know how to type. 

 

 

12. No Phones in School

The only phone available was the payphone in the hallway, and you needed a note from a teacher to use it. In emergencies, you had to use the office phone under strict supervision. Today’s parents would be horrified at the lack of communication options, but it was normal back then.  

I don't remember a payphone in the hallway. You couldn't just waltz into principal's office and use the phone which was strictly supervised. "Alan, your house has exploded throwing your dog (D.D. which stood for "Dumb Dog") over into your neighbor's yard". "Let me call my dad."  "I must supervise you because you might be ordering a pizza. If you are, we want pepperoni." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

War, Huh

 

 "One, two, three what are we fighting for?" - Country Joe And The Fish

 

 

Once again, there are rumblings of war and rumors of war.

 

A quick recap.  Israel just happens to be in the Middle East and has a lot of enemies because Israel is Jewish. One of these enemies is Iran, which has been, in the words of many international experts, "Bat Crap crazy since 1979."

 

I was in college when the Shah fell and the Ayatollah Khomeini and his merry band of Mullahs took over. It's been a party all the time over there ever since.

 

While the Shah was a brutal dictator, he sold us cheap oil and was basically on the side of the United States. The Ayatollah, on the other hand, considered the United States, "The Great Satan" because it was 1979 and Studio 54 was going full blast at the time. 

 

You might remember in late 1979, Iranian "students" took control of the American Embassy and held 52 Americans hostage.  It was in all the papers.

After 444 days, the Americans were set free but Iran continued to be a big fat pain in the tuchus.*

 

Almost since the Shah fell, the mullahs have been seeking to build atomic weapons to use against Israel.

It is important to realize that there is no "mutually assured destruction" logic with Iran.  They honestly think if they can just get rid of Israel everything would be hunky dory.**  

 

Israel somehow perceives "Death to Israel" as a threat and they have been telling everybody that if the world doesn't take out the Iranian nuclear capability, Israel will.

 

Israel has attacked Iran with drones and fighters, knocking out a lot of Iran's nuclear capabilities. 

 

Israel needs a knockout punch but that would require some assistance from The United States to finish Iran off.

Problem:  The United States doesn't like wars, especially wars in the Middle East, which history has shown to be long and deadly.

 

We don't like long wars. We like short wars. Therefore, I don't see America putting ground troops in Iran no matter how fast it would make Jesus return.***  It couldn't be done, politically speaking.  Even Barack Obama, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln couldn't send troops to Iran.

But, we don't have those guys in The White House. We have Donny from Queens in The White House. President Trump has been clear about two things in his political career: 1) Iran should not be allowed to have a nuclear weapon and 2) We shouldn't be in another war in the Middle East.

 

This has caused tension among the Republicans. There is a group of Republicans who learned a term, "Neo-Conservative" and to them, it means snotty preppies who read and want to go to war every other year. They are trying to scold Trump into not helping Israel, at least, or at least not helping them enough.

 

Of course, the Neo-Conservatives hate the MAGA crowd because they stuck us with a man who eats chili with his fingers.  This goes to show you: Republicans don't hate Democrats; Republicans hate other Republicans.  

 

UPDATE!  UPDATE! 

 

I wrote most of this before Saturday Night, June 21st 2025 when Trump bombed three nuclear facilities:   Fordo, Natanz and Isfahan.  It sounds like it was a successful bombing. I hope so. 

 

I know Trump isn't the most popular person with some people. That's okay. Sometimes people you don't like can do good things.  I wasn't fond of Obama but he took out Bin Laden and that was a good thing. So it is okay to cheer Trump for this. You won't die. Honest. 

 

I don't think we're going to get into "another Vietnam" or World War III.  It will be all right. Honest. Uncle Alan has never lied to you. At least about this.  

 

 

* This is the correct Yiddish spelling of  "Tuckus" which means the behind. This blog tries to spell correctly when it can.

 

** There are some who believe that Iran was going to using the threat of a nuclear strike to coerce Israel into accepting a "two state solution" for the Palestinians.  I take their "Death To Israel" chant seriously.

 

***  This can get into the weeds, but some Evangelical Christians are "Pre-millennial Dispensationalists."  I can't go into all of it in a lowly footnote except to say that this belief is basically "The Late Great Planet Earth". There will be a massive war, a rapture, an Anti-Christ, the whole nine yards before Jesus returns to Earth.  There are some who think you can gig Jesus into coming back by fighting a war in The Middle East.  Advice to all humorists: never try to explain your joke in a footnote.   

 

 

 

A Boomer Admits The Awful Truth

 

 

One of the areas in which Boomers like me (Class of '59) have conflict with the younger generation, which by the way, are all a bunch of snot-nosed, know it all punks, is popular music. Otherwise known as "music you hear on the radio and Publix."

Gen X music is okay. Some of it was good and I appreciate them waking me up before I go-go.   

My mother had a legendary encounter with Culture Club whose lead singer was a tortured soul named Boy George. Culture Club had a song called "Karma Chameleon." Mom asked me if I liked the song "Come To Me, Leon."  She said the lyrics were "Come, Come, Come to me, Leon."  No, missed that one, Mom.  

Then you have Millennial music.  I don't remember a lot about Millennial music because I was turning the station to Classic Rock or Sports Talk. 

Hip-hop was really big in Millennial music. At first, Hip-hop was about what clothes you were going to buy with all of the bling (money) you have. Then it morphed into music which made you get naked. One song popular in 2002 was called "Hot In Here" by Nelly. A sample lyric: "It's getting hot in here (so hot) so take off all your clothes.(Ayy)"

 

You can't argue with those lyrics. It is hot, therefore you should take off all your clothes. 

 

It was around this time Country Music began to change.  At one time, Country Music was about the hard living working men and women who discovered, through no fault of their own, heaven was just a sin away. 

Now, Country Music is about my town and my town is great and don't you put down my town cause my baby likes my town and my truck and we listen to Hank Williams (there is still a law which states every record made in Nashville has to mention Hank Williams) and Jay-Z.

 

Of course, Gen Z had to get in the act and making a popular hit song so dirty I can't mention it in a family blog. I'm sure the artist's mother is very proud. 

My point is every other generation's music is bad for one simple reason: the music sucks.

  

But never let it be said that this blogger is afraid to point out the really awful songs of his era: the 70s.

 

The 70s were a time in which songwriters took on the significant issues of our day, like signs.

 

There was a song back when I was young called "Signs." The lyrics: "Signs, signs, everywhere signs. So take your clothes off."

 

No, it didn't say that. But, it was a song protesting signs, man, and they're breaking my mind.

 

There was another song called "The Bertha Butt Boogie." A sample of the deep lyrics:  "Her name was Bertha, Bertha Butt, she was one of the Butt sisters." 

 

I remember being on the precipice of manhood, laughing at the line "she was one of the Butt sisters" because in my neck of the woods "butt" was a minor league cuss word.

 

Even the Greats slipped up in the 70s.

Paul McCartney wrote in 1965, "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away." Poetry, sheer poetry. 

Ten years later, in 1975 he wrote, "Somebody's knocking at the door, yadda, yadda, do me a favor, open the door and let them in."  To be fair, this was written around the time Sir Paul could have recorded a song of burbs and hand farts and it would have sold 14 billion records.

 

One of the all-time weird 70s songs was "Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tennille.

The Captain And Tennille was a husband and wife singing duo. The Captain (the husband) was called "The Captain" because he wore a captain's hat. I don't think I ever heard his voice. He mainly just sat there and played the piano for Tennille (the wife) who while pretty, had a ginormous mouth with as many teeth as the Trivago guy.

 

One of their hit songs was called "Muskrat Love". It was about Muskrat Suzie and Muskrat Sam "doin' it". ("Doin' it" was the 70s euphemism for "doing it".) 

It was such a hit song, that the Captain And Tennille sang it at White House dinner honoring Queen Elizabeth. 

 

That sums up the 70s. Only in the 70s would you have a popular duo singing about two rodents procreating in an audience which included not only Bertha Butts, one of the Butts sisters the President of the United States who dated Muskrat Suzie while a collegiate athlete at the University of Michigan, but also The Queen of England, who dated Muskrat Sam.

 

 

 

What I've Learned

 

Usually, I write a reflective post around my birthday so everyone can soak in all of my wisdom. I won't be able to do it this year because I'll be out of town.


Some people are bad. Some people are good. Most of us are in between. 

Gossip is bad, but sometimes it is true.

Don't worry about how much money other people make and what they spend it on. They make what they make and they spend what they spend.  It doesn't concern you. 

Mind your own business.

You don't know everybody's motivations at first. But soon it will become apparent.

Laugh at yourself. Learn how to take a joke. 

Marriage is the greatest thing in the world if you are married to the right person.

In a divorce, no one ever thinks about the friends of the divorced couple.

When dogs look at you in the eyes they are trying to communicate their love and trust for you.  When cats look at you, they are trying to communicate their utter disgust for you. 

If anything can go wrong, it will, usually at the worst possible time.

Just remember, it could be worse. 

Pay attention to the tires on your car. Tires are very expensive.

If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas. It is a good idea to look over the past and realize what went wrong and what you should have done differently, but just don't get trapped in it. 

You can't please everyone, Ricky Nelson said. He was right.

Somewhere, somehow, along the way, we have lost the ability to laugh.

At one special time, Kris Kristofferson was the best songwriter on the planet. 

I haven't met a lot of my heroes, but I did make Lewis Grizzard laugh one time so that counts for something. 

The Baseball Hall Of Fame is totally whack simply because Dale Murphy is not in it. 

The fans of the Alabama Crimson Tide football fans are the most dedicated fans on earth. They are also the most insane.

How you treat a waiter/waitress says a lot about you. 

Respect everyone's religious differences but remember they probably won't respect yours.

Your mom and dad did the best they could with what they had. 

In the long run, it doesn't matter where you graduate from college. 

A lot of smart people have never stepped foot inside a college classroom. 

 A lot of smart people disagree with you.

A lot of dumb people agree with you.

My mother told me two things:  "Don't be so smart" and "Don't be so ugly". That's the way we like 'em in the South: dumb and pretty. 

If you want to save money, learn how to do something with your hands. Or you can be klutz like me and have to pay for it.  But it saves you some time.

 

 

 

Class Clown: A Review

 

 

I am not making this up: Dave Barry has a new book. It is a memoir called Class Clown: The Memoirs Of a Professional Wiseass.  The subtitle is How I Went 77 Years Without Growing Up.

I will save you a lot of time. You should buy this book for yourself. You should buy this book for your friends. You should buy this book in bulk and hand it out on street corners to people that pass by.

It is the funniest book of 2025. In fact, it is probably the funniest book of this decade. Although it is still early, this book is probably the funniest book of the century.

This is Barry's life story of how a kid raised in New York who wore Davey Crockett t-shirts became the best humorist in America, even if that's not a real thing anymore since all of America has decided to become humorless scolds.

Barry's not a stand-up comedian. But his nationally syndicated column was as funny as any act in the past forty years.

It is because Barry has never shied away from the issues of the day, like low-flow toilets, which Barry was criticizing long before Donald Trump heard about them. 

He also alerted us to the dangers of roller-blading Barbies which could spontaneously combust unless you are on "Late Night With David Letterman".

Barry is a champion of the little guy, particularly the little guy who decided to major in English and if there is a more worthless college degree than History it is English.*

His English degree came in handy when he joined a small local Pennsylvania newspaper and was able to cover local events.

From there, he took a job teaching businessmen how to write. This job has now been eliminated by AI.  While he was teaching business writing, he submitted his humorous essays to various newspapers. One thing led to another and soon he was writing a weekly column for Tropic magazine which was the Miami Herald's Sunday insert.

 It was a glorious time.  Living in the Atlanta area, I could read Lewis Grizzard three times a week and our Sunday paper ran Barry's column too. Then, if you were lucky, there would be a magazine running an article written by P. J. O'Rouke.  It was grand, I tell you, just grand.

 Of course, I am required by law to tell you things have not been all peaches and cream in Barry's life. His father, a Presbyterian minister, developed a drinking problem when Barry was in college. His mother, committed suicide after his father died. He's been married three times but is very nice about the two that didn't work out. 

Aside from all that, Barry has led a pretty charmed life. He won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1988 for "the most creative use of booger jokes since Charles Krauthammer."  No really, he really won a Pulitzer, and his first couple of books were turned into a television show that starred Harry Anderson and it wasn't bad.

I hadn't realized it, but Barry ended his column twenty FREAKIN years ago.  No wonder the country is full of sour pusses who fall over from the vapors if somebody tells a joke. 

But never fear, Barry has a website and a blog. The blog carries hilarious newspaper articles that Barry comments on.  When "24" was on, Barry would do a recap of the latest episode. In the early days of my blog, I would use Barry's recap as a template for my "24" recap. His was much funnier than mine, but he is a professional. 

Barry still does his Year In Review series in December. And yes, I use his Year In Review as a template for my last posting of the year. And yes, his is funnier than mine. 

It was through Barry, I found James Lileks of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. Lileks has a blog too and a humor column which has been canceled by the powers that be up there. That's the world we live in today.**

Barry is now in the Substack game. You can do the free Substack or you can do the paid Substack. I do the free one. It is just like the old days, funny as ever.  And I am not making that up. 

 

 

* We liberal arts majors always cheer for another liberal arts majors who make a lot of dough.

** Lileks was recently given an assignment by one of his editors and instructed not to put any humor in it. 

 

They Deserve It

 

 

I am shocked.  I simply can't believe it.

Do you mean to tell me that Joe Biden was out of it for most of his presidency? [Definition of "out of it":  Totally cuckoo for Coco Puffs]

And his White House fooled the national press corps?  All of these Ivy League school graduates who would take valuable time out of their schedules to explain how the mean, nasty right-wing media (i.e.: FOX News) would do "deep fakes" and make fun of Biden's stutter?

 In case you don't remember, Joe Biden was elected President in 2020 despite being four-hundred-years old. He was elected because his name was not Donald Trump, a New York land developer best well known for being well known and being an egotistical turd, on his good days. 

There was also the matter of COVID-19, which was all the rage back then. The sliver of the electorate that determines our Presidential elections was tired of Trump and all of his Trump-ness and thought maybe Joe Biden was normal.

There were several problems.  One was being four-hundred-years old. Another was that Biden wasn't exactly Einstein when he wasn't four-hundred-years old.  Other problems included that he's never been a good manager, and he's a terrible, dishonest person. Other than that, he's fine.

However, age was the biggest issue. Biden would fall up steps. Biden would fall off his bicycle. I was in high school when Ford was President and Ford's mishaps was all you ever heard about.

But you heard nothing from our famed news media, the media that wasn't about to let democracy die in darkness, about Biden and his mishaps because, you know, Trump was out there lurking around.

Biden's speeches, when he was not drilled on how important the speech was, were a mess.

In 2023, there was a private school shooting in Nashville, Tennessee. Three children and three adults were killed.  The news announces that THE PRESIDENT will comment on the incident and how it wouldn't happen if we just had these sensible gun laws on the books. The President is announced. He shuffles to the podium. He spends five minutes, at the beginning of his speech, talking about how much he likes ice cream. 

 It didn't take a physician to realize the President wasn't all there. 

The problem wasn't Biden. The problem was that the legacy news media had morphed into a partisan outlet for the Democratic Party. 

H. L. Mencken said a journalist was supposed to "afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted." But that's not true.  A journalist is supposed to report what is happening regardless of who it is affecting.

 Ever since the late fifties, national journalism has tilted to the left. Somewhere in the mid-nineties, journalism, especially television journalism, reacted in horror to FOX News being a GOP organ, decided to wear the Democratic Badge proudly. 

When Trump came along, the legacy media 1) could not believe he was elected and 2) would run any story that could possibly inflict damage on Trump and his administration.

When 2020 came around, the Democrats had around twenty potential candidates for the nomination. The one thing that united all of these candidates is they were all, historically speaking, dingleberries. 

It came down to either Biden, a socialist, or one of the dingleberries.  The Democrats went with Biden and he was able to run a campaign from his basement. It worked for him because they could hid his condition with little or no effort.

The Legacy News Media had to have known that they were being played, but in the greatest use of Situation Ethics in the century, they decided not to report the Biden's condition for the good of the country.  You don't want Orange Mussolini again, do you?

Some of the reporting from the New York Times, which has all the news that's fit to print, is funny.

When Special Counsel Robert Hur said Biden presented as an “elderly man with a poor memory” and with “diminished faculties", the Times trotted out medical experts who said the special counsel’s opinions “were not based on science and that its methods bore no resemblance to those that doctors use to assess possible cognitive impairment.” 

You need doctors to tell you that when Grandpa drove into a pond, he could possibly have cognitive impairment.

It wasn't until after his performance in the June debate with Trump that the Democrat Party and the Legacy News Media saw the gaslighting had to stop and finally admit Biden has been defeated by the all-time champ: Time.

Now you have books out by people like Jake Tapper explaining that it was dirty dogs in the White House that hid the President's condition.  They were as shocked as you were because everything they ever heard about the President was that he was as sharp as a tack. 

For only $27.00, you can buy Tapper's book, which helps Tapper deal with being fooled into thinking Joe Biden was A-OK.

And the Legacy News Media wonders why we dumb-dumbs that had to go to state colleges, if we went at all, do not trust them. 

 

 

So Far

 

 

It has gotten to the point where I don't like writing about politics anymore.

One reason is that it is tough. Have you ever tried to write a joke about Doug Burgum, who is either the Secretary of the Interior or the Secretary of Energy?  

Believe it or not, you must write facts like Jonathan Cain is married to a minister, Paula White. Paula White is the senior advisor of the White House Faith Office or is the Secretary of the Interior.  Mr. Cain is also a member of Journey which is a rock band everybody in my age group loves except me. This is kind of like Pat Benatar being married to Pat Robertson, if Pat Robertson worked in the White House Faith Office.

The great Atlanta radio personality, Southside Steve, says that Journey is the greatest rock band in the history of rock bands. There's this little band called "The Beatles" which I think is better.  Also, "The Rolling Stones" are better. But, hey, if you think Journey is better, then don't stop believing.

Last year, I saw two cover bands that played Journey songs. One played all of the hits. The other played all of the hits and the deep cuts off of Journey's albums.  Let's just say I'm Journey-ed out.

Secondly, while today's climate is certainly divided, it is also performative and about as exciting as a "Happy Days" episode where Ralph Malph uses a slur against Italians and Fonzie makes him sit on it.

One side wants you to say Trump is the best thing ever and we should be happy sharing oxygen with him. The other side wants you to say Trump is Hitler and laughs while he clubs baby seals.

You can't please everybody and my problem is I want to please everybody, at least to the point that they will read my blog.

But here goes my review of Trump 2.0.

 

The Good

 

He has curtailed illegal immigration. You can't say we have open borders now.

 

I haven't figured out why this is such a big issue. We have to have rules, right? And if you come in, you have to do it in the right way.

Additionally, if you are here illegally and you are part of a gang, you shouldn't stay.

 

I'm not a constitutional scholar, so I'll leave the "due process" questions to them. However, at least we are talking about this question and not ignoring it or napping through it like Biden.

 

The second good thing Trump has done is that he is doing the job. He's working. You see him working. Biden called it a day at four o'clock. 

 

Calling for the defunding of NPR and PBS is an idea I've been pushing for years because the government should not be in the radio or television business. Chalk one up in the good column.

 

I know as a cis-male of the Caucasian persuasion, I shouldn't have a negative opinion on DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) because DEI is what makes America great, besides the First Amendment and stuff like that. But, Charles C.W. Cooke said it best:  "In practice, diversity, equity, and inclusion has not been diverse, equitable, or inclusive, but uniform, prejudiced, and clannish"

 

The Bad

 

There has been plenty of bad to go around.

The worst is the Trade War.

Trump has, in the words of many leading economists, a hard-on about tariffs. This goes back to when he was appearing on "Oprah" complaining about the Japanese buying all of the office buildings in Los Angeles.

He thinks slapping a tariff will cause manufacturing plants to spring up in the USA, paying good non-union wages.

Those days are gone.

 

Mr. I've Got An MBA From Wharton decided to try out his novel economic theory even though there was no compelling reason to do it besides he evidently was awake in Tariff Class and thought it would be neat to do it.

This has caused the economy to poop on itself. This is funny because one of the things Trump 1.0 did right was the economy.

 

 The Dumb

 

He's gone back to doing his daily, weekly, monthly dumb stuff since the election.

I mean, Pete Hegseth?  I used to watch him on Fox but I was never awed by him.  He is an Ivy Leaguer and he did serve his country, but it is a big step becoming the Secretary of Defense and  he has not been impressive at all.  

The spat Trump had with Volodymyr Zelenskyy wasn't as terrible as it looked but a President, even Trump, has to keep his cool. 

Renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America makes no sense whatsoever.  He didn't even campaign on it and I don't see the point.

The trolling of Canada is another joke I don't get. Why would we want Canada?  I spent several hours in Victoria, British Columbia in late May of 2016 and it was the coldest I have ever been in my life.

Let Canada be Canada and the United States be the United States, eh?!

 

Trump's latest dumb thing was reposting an A.I. image of him as Pope.  This is typical of Trump in that it is tacky but it also shows no class. He just thought it was funny.

But, with Trump, you are going to get the good, the bad, and the dumb.  He's fortunate the Democrats are being just as dumb.  One of these days that might change if the Democrats gets a sudden infusion of brains. 

This doesn't seem likely seeing as their main tactic to win public opinion is to swear loudly.