This Week's Picks-Week Thirteen

 

 

Hey, y'all- the new seeding of the 12 team playoff has been released!

From #1 to #12 is as follows.

#1 Duckies
#2 Texsass
#3 Myamme
#4 Boyzee State
#5 Ahia State
#6 The Lions of Nittany
#7 Indiana Wants Me, Lawd I Can't Go Back There
#8 Our Lady
#9 Bamy
#10 Ole Miss
#11 Jawja
#12 Mormons

 

Well, it appears winning your conference is now WAY more important than the strength of schedule. How else can you explain Boise State having a bye over, um, Ohio State, who lost by one point over the number one team in the nation, Oregon?

But what is college football without our yearly argument over rankings?  Sure, it is neat to see Indiana winning, but are they better than Georgia, Ole Miss, and Alabama?  

I don't think so.

Here is a picture of one of the committee members explaining their rankings.

 

 

This Week's Picks!

 

Jawja vs Umassssssss:  After a humiliating loss to Ole Miss, Georgia bounced back and defeated Tennessee and is in the playoff picture. For the moment. The Dawgs opponent this weekend is UMass, who has a 2-8 record this year and fired their coach the other day.  Georgia wins. 

Bees vs Werewolves of Raleigh:  Two middling ACC teams duke it out in Mid-Town Atlanta.  North Carolina State is probably the better team on paper, but they've had some injuries, and they are 5-5.  Georgia Tech is 6-4.  They don't play this game on paper. Tech wins. 

Indiana Wants Me vs Ahia State:  Indiana gets its first real test this Saturday against the Buckeyes. They won't pass it. Ohio State wins.


Okie vs Bamy:  Several years ago, this would have been a big  deal game. Not any more.  Bama is just too big  and fast for Oklahoma. The Tide will roll. Bama wins.

 

My Beloved Ows vs Florida International:  Last week was an emotional game given that Brian Bohannan was let go.  The Owls lost the game in overtime which means if things had fallen their way, they would have two wins.  Oh well, Florida International is the large state school in Miami.  The most famous alumni is Andy Garcia.  Owls win.

 

 

This Week's Picks-Week Twelve

 

 

As we Southerners say, last week was something.

First, Georgia Tech actually beat a real good team: Miami.

Then, Ole Miss absolutely annihilated, killed, whooped-up-on, stomped, and otherwise beat Georgia.

The game wasn't that close.  The offensive line couldn't block. The running backs couldn't run. The receivers couldn't catch. The quarterback couldn't throw.  The defense couldn't tackle. I'm still determining where the pass defense was in the game. It wasn't around the Ole Miss receivers, that's for sure. 

Carson Beck learned a lesson about being a quarterback.

When you are winning, the quarterback is the best, most important person on earth. They get all of the praise, honor, and glory.

It is all your fault when you lose, especially when you throw an interception and fumble a couple of times.

It doesn't help that:

1. Everyone knows you own a Lamborghini.
2. Your girlfriend is hot even though, let's face it, you are not the best-looking guy on campus.
3. The camera catches you smiling with your best bud while sitting on the bench.
   

I don't make up the rules.

 

On Sunday, it was reported that Brian Bohanon had "stepped down" as the head coach of the Kennesaw State Owls. Soon, Bohanon posted on X that he had been fired and had not stepped down.  Then the Athletic Director, Milton Overton, released a statement saying Bohanon was given the opportunity to "step down."

The bottom line is Brian Bohanon is gone.  

Hey, we wanted a college football team.  This is the type of stuff that happens. Best of luck to Brian Bohanon.  He did his best with what he had, which is all you can ask.

Best of luck to the Owls. We are going to need it. 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs Tennysee:  It really depends on which Georgia team shows up to this game. If it is the Georgia team that beat Texas, Georgia will win.  If it is the Georgia team that played Florida and Ole Miss teams, they'll lose.  I still kind of sort of believe that this team can make the playoffs. Maybe. Georgia wins.

Mersir vs. Bamy:  After the LSU game, Alabama has a breather with Mercer.  Alabama wins.

Ellesyou vs Floryder:  Lost in the Georgia-Ole Miss, and the Alabama-LSU game was Florida getting crushed by Texas. It has been a horrible season for Florida. I just don't see them beating LSU, do you?  LSU wins. 

Texsass vs Piggies:  Beef against pork would be a good BBQ challenge.  This time beef wins.  Texas wins.

My Beloved Owls vs Sam Houston: After all of the excitement from last week, Kennesaw State still has two games to play.  The interim head coach, Chandler Burks, is the only FBS head coach under thirty.  He also has some sweet tats.  Life goes on.  Owls win.

 

 

 

 

What Happened?

 

I don't know about you, but I was happy to see this election season end, which came to an end with a THUD.

I was prepared to wait a couple of weeks to learn who was going to be the 47th President. Remember "the hanging chads"?  (Which would have been a great name for a folk group in the early '60s. "And The Cafe Wha presents....The Hanging Chads!")

But, it was all over by 2:00 in the morning.  We re-elected Donald J. Trump. 

Think of it.  How bad to you have to be to lose to a blubbery, loudmouth, misogynistic, egotistical Fascist with bad hair like Donald Trump?  That's gotta hurt.

But to paraphrase Jim Geraghty, the Democrats would have had a chance 1) if illegal immigration hadn’t surged, 2) if inflation hadn’t been the worst it’s been in four decades, and 3) if the world weren’t on fire from The Middle East to the Ukraine.  Other than that, the Dems had it all going their way.   

In the past ten years, I have learned about the term "gaslighting," which means anything a conservative says that contradicts something a liberal says.  Conservatives are bad gaslighters because they want to hurt people and crush their dreams. 

But it seems to me that the Democrats spent a lot of the Biden Administration gaslighting us. Inflation wasn't that bad. (Biden said, "Inflation ain't bad, pal, come on.")  It wasn't a surge of illegal immigrants, it was just friends we hadn't met yet from south of the border. The President is not senile; he's just walking around D.C in his pajamas like Uncle Junior because he's a man of the people. 

It really isn't hard to understand why Kamala Harris lost.

One, to cut Harris some slack, it is hard to get a campaign up and running in the amount of time Harris had.  Sure, she had help from a overly solicitous news media,which bought her campaign's malarkey about "brat summer", but the nuts and bolts were not in place and at the end Harris took in a billion dollars but ended the campaign $20 million in debt. 

I guess Skittles, rainbows, unicorns and vibes are expensive. 

Two, Harris can give a speech and she pulverized Trump in the debate (she is a lawyer, after all) but that's about all she could do. She did terrible in interviews, both friendly and unfriendly, when she deemed it necessary to give them. When asked a question about what she would done differently than Biden, she said she couldn't think of a thing. As we would say at Wheeler High School in the mid-70s: Duh.  Let's see, maybe not let so many illegal immigrants in?  Maybe care more about the price of eggs and gas? If you're telling people you are a new way forward, maybe don't tell them you wouldn't do anything different. I'm just spitballing here.

Three, I don't know what Harris saw in Tim Walz to make him her running mate.  He was a total doofus who made Dan Quayle look good.

Fourth, the Democratic Party's "lawfare" totally backfired because voters realized the indictments were not about bringing a rouge President to justice; it was about trying to injure Trump politically.  Its main point was to put Trump on trial and to get him convicted as a felon, even if the "felony" was novel meaning nobody had ever been tried under it as a felony before.  All of it had the opposite effect, making Trump even more popular. 

Our Fourth Estate is supposed to be a neutral observer and fair arbitrator, calling balls and strikes.  They didn't do any of that.

I have been saying for years (the first time was in 2021) that there was something off about Biden. If I, as a lowly blogger, could see it, you know the White House press corps saw it. They didn't say anything because Biden was on their team. 

When he crashed and burned after the first debate, Democrats had to push him aside if they wanted a chance to win. Because Democrats fiddle-farted (sorry for the technical terminology) around, they were left with no choice except to nominate Vice President Harris, who, let's face it, never made a good impression.

She gave it the old college try, but it wasn't enough.

Now our betters in the media are stuck in this rut saying they can't understand why the majority of American voters went back to Orange Benito except to say the Trump voters are dumb, stupid, racist, ignorant, poopy-heads that don't deserve to be blessed by our greatness at a Thanksgiving meal.

I am part of the generation that used late-night television hosts
as a gauge to the zeitgeist of the time.  Can you imagine Johnny Carson bawling about George McGovern losing the '72 election to Richard Nixon?  Joey Bishop having the sniffles that Hubert Humphrey lost? No, but Jimmy Kimmel and Colbert acted like it was the day after Pearl Harbor. 

Clearly, they don't care that there are people out there, a majority, who weren't enamored with The Democrats this time.  It happens. 

Social Media was its usual hit-and-miss. You had those posting memes that the LORD had made Trump President again. You had those posting long posts pronouncing SHAME on those who had the audacity to vote for Trump.

Look, I have voted in every Presidential election since 1980. That's eleven elections. The candidate I voted for won six of eleven times.  I believed in my candidates and thought they should have won (still do). But guess what?  George H.W. Bush didn't win re-election. Bob Dole didn't win either.  Sometimes, your candidate fails to win for a variety of reasons that are out of your control.

Despite what some say, there'll be a mid-term election in 2026 and another Presidential election in 2028. Trump will be term-limited from running for re-election.

Better luck next time, Dems.

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Eleven

 

 

You might have missed it with all of the election hoop-de-do, but the NCAA has released the seeding of the 12-team playoff on Tuesday.  

From #1 to #12 is as follows.

#1 Duckies
#2 Jawja
#3 Hercaines
#4 Mormons
#5 Ahia State
#6 Texsass
#7 The Lions Of Nittany
#8 Indiana Wants Me, Lawd I Can't Go Back There
#9 Tennysee
#10 Our Lady
#11 Bamy
#12 The Blue Turf People From Idaho

Of course, this is subject to change based on the school's record.  The first four seeds will get a bye.

Today, everyone here at Picks Central remembers Ben Herbstreit, Kirk Herbstreit's Golden Retriever, who passed away on Thursday. He was good boy.

 

 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs Ole Mess:  In the first seeding of the 12 seed playoff, Georgia is the #2 seed even though they are the #3 team in the country.  Georgia had a tough time with Florida last week. Carson Beck threw 400 interceptions. <Editor's Note: It was three> But a win is a win.  Ole Miss messed up on Arkansas something awful. Ole Miss would love to beat Georgia, but Georgia seems to play better against good teams.  It will be close, but UGA wins. 

Bumbles vs Myamee:  I had high hopes for the Bees, but the team is a Wreck. Miami is an excellent team and their quarterback, Cam Ward, could win The Heisman Trophy this year.  Miami wins.

Bamy vs Ellesyou:  Bama is still listed as a playoff team even though they don't seem like a playoff team.  LSU wants to be a playoff team, and one way to do this is to beat Alabama. Good luck. Bama wins.

Whoosers vs Meechigan:  This year's Cinderella (I know it is not basketball, but stick with me) is Indiana.  The Hoosiers haven't lost a game, which is really unusual.  On the other hand, Michigan is having a transition season under a new head coach.  Indiana wants to win this game. They will.  Indiana wins. 

My Beloved Owls vs UTEP:  I watched the Kennesaw State-Western Kentucky game for a few minutes last week. It was just long enough to see Western Kentucky score.  This week, the Owls travel out to the west Texas town of El Paso to play the University of Texas at El Paso Fighting Marty Robbins.  Just a joke.  It is the UTEP Miners.  Famous alumni of UTEP included F. Murray Abraham and Sam Donaldson.  UTEP is 1-8 for the season.  Owls win.

This Week's Picks Week Ten

 

Can you believe we are entering week ten of the college football season?

Can you believe Indiana is ranked higher than Alabama, and it is not in basketball?

Can you believe how well Vanderbilt is playing?

Can you believe how poorly Florida State is playing?

Can you believe how well Nick Saban is doing on College Gameday?

Can you believe Texas A&M?

 

This Week's Picks

 

Jawja vs. Florider: This was always a big game. However, it hasn't been very competitive in the past few years because Florida has become a big dope.  There's no Coach Steve or Timmy Tebow anymore. Florida would love to beat Georgia, but I don't think they will. Georgia wins.

Ahia State vs Lions of Nittany:  Another big rivalry game. Penn State is having a whiteout, which means everybody wears white and this will fuel your team to victory.  I have never seen this work.  Ohio State wins.

 

Duckies vs Meechigan:  Oregon is the latest number one and they have stayed number one for a whole two weeks. They are a quick, fast team. They are a well-coached team.  Michigan has a new coach, and they have been up and down.  Oregon is stronger than Michigan.  Oregon wins.

 

Kenyucky vs Tennysee:  Tennessee beat Alabama a few weeks ago, which was a big deal.  They are better than Kentucky, which lost to Auburn.  You do the math.  Tennessee wins.

My Beloved Owls vs Western Kentucky, where my parents were born:  Last week, Kennesaw State won their first FBS game, and the angels sang.  Western Kentucky is in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Famous alumni include the guy who played Roy Biggins on "Wings" and John Prine's grandmother.  They are called "The Hilltoppers," and their mascot is a towel or a blob that looks like a Ronald McDonald reject. Kennesaw State wins.

 

 

Whoppergate

 

I have lived in Cobb County for most of my life. It is a nice place to live.  

However, with growth, came the complications of urban life.

Traffic, crime, crowded schools, and Burger King getting your order wrong. Those are all examples of the challenging environment we now experience in Cobb County.

I know I sound old, but in the good old days, you could go to Burger King and have it your way.

Hold the pickles.

Hold the lettuce.

Special orders don't upset us.

Back then, Burger King loved you and your crazy preferences when it came to hamburgers, which were always flame broiled.

If you wanted hamburgers the way THE MAN wanted them, you went to McDonald's.  And the ice cream machine wasn't working back then, either.

It is not that way anymore.  Today, a man can't even trust that Burger King will get his order right.

The Marietta Daily Journal reports that in March 2023, Cobb County Sheriff deputies raced down Veterans Memorial Parkway in Mableton (which could have been a city then; I don't know; I can't keep up with every place in this county) with "sirens blaring."

The reason:  Burger King did not get Craig Owens's order right.  Mr. Owens said, "I wanted to order her (Mrs. Owens) a Whopper, with no mayo, cut in half."

It has been my experience that most of my orders are not close to what I ordered, but they are close enough for jazz. I like a Whopper without lettuce and tomato. But if I get a Whopper with lettuce and tomato, I remove it and eat the burger. But then again, I'm a loser.

I don't know what they got from Burger King. It probably had mayo and wasn't cut in half. He probably should have ordered it with mayo and ordered it not to be cut. Then, they would have gotten a Whopper with no mayo cut in half.

There is an important fact I haven't mentioned: Craig Owens is the Sheriff of Cobb County.

I grew up watching "Adam-12," which always started with, "One Adam-12, One Adam 12. See the man with the wrong order."

The Marietta Daily Journal reports the deputies originally went to the wrong Burger King. I hope they did it with sirens blaring because that would be so Cobb County.

When the deputies found the right Burger King, Sheriff Owens was there. He told the deputies, "the order he placed for his wife was not what he received. Owens said he informed the assistant manager of the burger blunder, who claimed to have corrected the mistake."

But, according to the Sheriff, it wasn't corrected. He said the assistant manager was a “straight up a- -”* and didn't make things right.

The Sheriff said, "All I need is the owner name, or whoever owns this d- - - facility, or the manager.  I want a name so I can call and complain. That’s all I need. I don’t need no d- - - money back no more, I just need to find out who own this  place so I can do an official complaint to complain about the service.  And maybe some onion rings."**

In case you haven't noticed, this is an election season, and the Sheriff is running for reelection. His opponent found body-cam footage of this incident and posted it on social media. It has hit the news media because, let's face it, I never saw Kojak bust somebody for too much mustard on his hamburger. 

Sheriff Owens says, "The type of call referenced in the video is a business dispute call.  This is a call that ANY citizen can make, and law enforcement will  respond. At no point did I indicate my position, nor did I ask the  responders to do anything that they would not, had not, or have not done for anyone else who makes a business dispute call. I regret that this call, which is made regularly by citizens, is being politicized in an  attempt to win vote.”

What is our lesson from this event?

One, when the Sheriff wants it his way, he wants it his way.

Two, any citizen can make a business dispute call. I didn't know I could do that, particularly with a hamburger.

Third, using your employees who are supposed to be doing something like, oh I don't know, fighting crime, instead of trying to make sure Burger King does it your way is not something to regret. No, it is the politicization of it, because that's wrong. 

Fourth, McDonald's had better get ready because if the ice cream machine isn't fixed, things are about to go down.

 

 

 

* This was taken directly from the Marietta Daily Journal's article about Whoppergate. This ain't Netflix.

** I just added the part about the onion rings.

This Week's Picks Week Eight

 

 

I heard from his brother-in-law that action novelist Allen Gregory went to Maine on vacation.

I don't know if Gregory was scouting new locations for a new book. Prominent time writers do this. Unfortunately, the budget of This Week's Picks does not allow for much travel unless you count picking up breakfast on Friday mornings at the local Chick-fil-A.  

Every Friday morning, I go to Chick-fil-A with Mrs. Picks to get a Hash Brown Scramble Bowl. It consists of cheese, "hash browns" (what Chick-fil-A calls Tater Tots), scrambled eggs, and cut-up chicken. We don't say it enough in West Cobb County, but it is divine. 

Mr. Gregory sent me a picture of himself standing in front of Stephen King's house in Portland, Maine, which impressed me because I didn't know King lived there.  (In Portland, Maine or the house.)

He said he saw King digging a hole in his (King's) backyard.

A couple of things.

1) In the world of writing, Stephen King is a legend because he writes books that people like to read. People actually buy his books, including the one about the car that came to life and would run people over. I didn't read the book because it sort of sounded like "My Mother, The Car." If you never saw that TV show, just be aware that it was scary.  In any event, he makes a lot of scratch, if you know what I mean.

2) You would think King would have people dig a hole for him.

3)  I was under the impression that King was a vampire and would not be able to go out into the sunlight.  I guess that theory was wrong. 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs Texsass: In the Kirby Smart era, I am trying to remember how many times I didn't pick Georgia in a regular season game when they were not playing Alabama. (Not many.) As we say down here, howevah, times have changed.  Despite the way they have played, Georgia is a very good team.  Carson Beck is a great quarterback, and he can throw darts.  The defense seems a little immature. Two penalties in the Mississippi State contest kept the Upright Bulldogs in the game.  I'm not quite sure how good Texas is. They beat Michigan, and I'll give them that. They look stronger than Georgia.  Texas wins. 

The Rambles vs Our Lady:  The Bees at the Benz to play Notre Dame.  Notre Dame is always overrated. Tech has The Manis Curse to deal with. I would like to see Tech win. They won't.  Notre Dame wins. 

Bamy  vs Tennaysay:  One thing you can say about Tennessee-they are low down. They are also snitches. Anyway, Alabama should've/could've/would've lost to The Chickens, which would have been the second highlight of the season.  Tennessee should've/could've/would've lost to Florida, but the Lord heard Rocky Tops prayers.  Bama is having growing pains under Coach Not Named Saban.  Tennessee wins.

Ellesyou vs Arky:  This ought to be a pretty good game nobody cares about. I'm going with LSU because they tripped me up last week. LSU wins. 

Jimmy Madison vs Jawja Southern.  Lost in the season is my son's Georgia Southern Eagles, who are playing some good ball. They beat Marshall last week, which is a big deal in Statesboro. James Madison is 5-1 while Georgia Southern (lyric from their school song: "Drunk, Drunk, Drunk keep screaming for more") is 4-2. Sorry, son.  James Madison wins. 

 

*This Week's Picks will not be published for the week of October 21-26. 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Seven

 

 

In history, man has wondered: Is there a kind and loving God? This question was answered with a resounding yes last Saturday.

Vanderbilt beat Alabama.

Alabama fans took this loss with a grain of salt. Shucks, you can't win them all. Good for Vandy, long the doormat of the SEC.  Yeah, right.

Maybe there was one Bama fan like that. The other type is a regular caller/listener to The Paul Finebaum Show. There is one who calls himself "The Legend," (due to his modesty) and he is the chairman of the English Department at the University of Alabama. I say, I say, I say, that's just a joke, son. We don't know how The Legend earns his money, but he has a fantastic way with words.

He said, "Alabama doesn’t lose to Vandy.”  Well, not in the past forty years. 

The Legend continues, "Bill Curry didn’t lose to Vandy. Mike DuBose didn’t lose to Vandy. Mike Shula didn’t lose to Vandy, forty years. You (DeBoer) have been here 4 weeks and you already lost to Vandy. Strike friggin’  one dude, strike friggin’ one.”   I thought it would have been a combined strike one and two, but we've gone soft over the years.

He ended it with this analogy: "You know what this is equivalent to? This is equivalent to coming home  and finding your wife in bed with the neighbor. That is what this (loss) is equivalent to. You may stay with her for the kids’  sake, but you can never trust the woman again. The same thing is true  with Coach DeBoer."  Yeah, but your wife didn't play in the National Championship last year.

 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs Upright Walking On Two Legs Bulldogs:  Georgia managed to escape the upset bug that bit Tennessee (ha, ha) and Alabama (hahahahahahahaha) last week, while Mississippi State had a bye.  They've had a pretty tough year so far, and if there is something we've learned about the SEC this year, anything can happen.  But it won't, Georgia wins.

Rambles vs. Heels of Tar: Lost in all of the upset talk last week was Tech's defeat of Duke. The Bees are now 4-2. The Tar Heels are 3-3 and have lost the three previous games. You never know what you are going to get the Tar Heels, so I am climbing back onto the bandwagon.  Tech wins

 

Quacks vs Ahia State: This is the whoop-de-do big game of the week.  I think Ohio State is a better team. Even if Chip Kelly (or is it Brian) is the offensive coordinator, Ohio State wins. 

Ole Mess vs Ellesyou. Two excellent teams. I think Kiffin, as much I hate to say it, is a better coach than Brian Kelly (or is it Chip?).  Ole Miss wins. 

 

Texsass vs Okies. The Hank Hill Shoot Out on The Red River. Texas is number one for a reason. Texas wins.

 

Middle of Tennysay vs My Beloved Owls (Tuesday, October 15) Last Friday was another loss for MBO (My Beloved Owls for you keeping score at home.)  Kennesaw State is now receiving attention,but not the kind it wants. This week's SEC Shorts shows Kennesaw State in the FBS basement with Rice, FSU, and UMass. Well, you have to start somewhere.  This week, Kennesaw State travels to Murfreesboro, Tennessee, the home of Middle Tennessee State University and The Slick Pig BBQ restaurant.  The good news for Kennesaw State is Middle Tennessee is playing Louisiana Tech on Thursday night and then has to play Kennesaw State on Tuesday.  They have also only won one game so far this year. So, I'm saying we have a chance.  Owls win.

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Six

 

 

As you know, I listen to "The Bulldog Brunch"  on WSB when I can.

It is broadcast live from The Hilltop Grill in Athens, Georgia, which has the best brunch in Athens. I've never had brunch in Athens, so I'll have to take their word for it.

I was able to listen on the Sunday after the Alabama game. The day after a loss for any college football team is always glum.

That Sunday's broadcast was no different. The fans called the show, offering their "takes." Most of the "takes" should have been "taken" elsewhere. I think winning two National Championships in the past three years allows you to cut Kirby and Company some slack.

But still, losing to Alabama always sticks in your craw because Alabama always wins. Not always, just most of the time. 

Everybody was down. The broadcast guy said, "Come on down to The Hilltop Grille and have a bacon-wrapped shrimp.  You'll feel better."

I think instead of pills and going to a psychiatrist, we should instead have a piece of bacon-wrapped shrimp to make us feel better. 

As Jim Gaffigan has said, bacon is the food you add to other food to make it taste better. Shrimp is never bad, either.

If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds, just go to Athens, Georgia, and eat some bacon-wrapped shrimp. You'll feel better. 

This Week's Picks!

Jawja vs WarTigers. Yes, the Dawgs had a rough time in T-Town, but they came back and almost won the game.  That would have been epic, but you know, Christmas is in December.  Auburn is having a tough year down on the Plains.  Georgia is just the better team. UGA wins.


Dook vs Bumbles.  Here's some news: Duke is 5-0. Really. No joke.  They haven't really played anybody, but a win is a win. Tech is 3-2 with the wins against a stinky FSU team, Georgia State, and VMI.  I'm not buying that Duke is all that hot. On the other hand, Tech is still Tech. (Yes, I've jumped off the bandwagon.)  Flip a coin.  Duke wins. 

 

Tennysay vs Bacon Bits  Tennessee is a very good team. Arkansas isn't. You'll be hearing "Rocky Top" a lot on Saturday. Great.  Tennessee wins.



Misery vs The Ags.  Missouri is having a pretty good year so far. Texas A&M's record looks good, but meh.  They lost to Notre Dame, the only other ranked opponent they've played.  Here's a fun question.  Which state in the union has the most cows?  Moosuri. Missouri wins.

Jacksonville State vs My Beloved Owls.  So far, the move to the FBS has been hard on the Owls.  But if it makes you feel better,  Jacksonville State has won only one game. However, it was against Southern Mississippi, a pretty big school. (Famous alumni: Jimmy Buffett, Brett Farve, Mr. Hines, and Miss Love.  The last two were teachers of mine at Wheeler High School. Go Cats!)  I'm worried about the Owls, but I'm a believer. Owls win.

 

 

 

 

The Worst

 

 

I know I speak for all Americans when I say we live in the best country in the world but have the worst people who want to lead it.

I'm enough of a history student (and have lived through plenty of it) to admit this has been a complaint every four years.  Still, this year ranks right up there with Pierce versus Scott. (Pierce won.)

The Republicans renominated for the third time, Donald Trump.

Donald Trump didn't deserve to be nominated the first time, must less a third time.  But as they say on ESPN, it is what it is. 

Now, the pros and cons of Donald Trump have been discussed and debated ad nauseam (Latin for "a lot") for eight years.  We know what he is good at (his "brand," whatever that is) and staking out a position on something that you do not understand what he is saying.

He has this tendency to muddy up the waters on an issue because he really can't explain his position. This has something to do with his ability to play 4-D Chess.

Take, for example, the Haitians in Springfield, Ohio.  Trump latched on to a story about Haitian immigrants eating dogs and cats ( or, as he said, "doogs") instead of getting to the real problem of the 20,000 Haitians arriving since 2020 to a town of 60,000 that did not have per-existing Haitian population. 

That's a lot of people a small Midwestern town is expected to absorb. On the bright side, if you can speak fluent Creole French, I think I know where you can get a job.

Trump could have made a compelling argument about immigration. Instead, he sounded like a Yahoo.

On top of this, Trump is spending his campaign time selling coins and watches.

Can you imagine John Kennedy in a commercial in 1960? "It is time for a new generation, and you can get the time on your new John F. Kennedy watch by Timex." 

After the first assassination attempt, Trump had an opportunity to present a new Trump- a Trump that isn't so Nutsy Fagen.

That lasted about 30 minutes into his acceptance speech.  He spent the rest of the 90-minute speech giving the crowd his greatest hits like he was REO Speedwagon ("Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who.")

The other side is not any better.  After it became apparent that President McGoo had no idea what year it was, the Democrats got Nancy Pelosi and Former President Obama to muscle the President out of running for his renomination.

To keep things smooth, everyone agreed that Vice President Harris should be the nominee because, well, shut up.

The problem is the idea of President Harris might look good on paper, but then she opens her mouth. What comes out is as confusing as Trump and contradicts what she said in 2019. (Not that it is a bad thing to contradict what she said in 2019 because most of it was loopy.)

In 2019, she ran as a super Progressive. This time, she is running as a "moderate," which means she owns a gun.

She was on TV a lot in 2019. I never heard a word about growing up middle class or working at McDonald's (she says she worked on the fries). 

She talks about falling out of coconut trees and looking at the economy "holistically".

"Madame Vice President, what are you going to do about the economy?"

"Growing up middle class, I learned Piggly Wiggly would gouge customers and I promise not to let Piggly Wiggly do it again."

Her big plan is not to let grocery stores gouge their customers.  What?  When did grocery stores gouge customers?  During the pandemic?  

But one thing both candidates have in common.  Neither one knows how to think.

Trump is all reaction. He doesn't sit around and think.  He sits around and stews. 

Harris can't provide detail or explain why she has transformed from a San Francisco progressive to Middle Class Mom in five years. Could it be she was just saying what she had to in order to get in good with the cool kids at the cool table?

Trump is for no income tax on tips because, he sat around, and thought why not?  Harris selected Tim Walz as a running mate because the Mean Girls in the Democratic Party aren't thrilled with Israel. 

The bottom line this year is the old Woody Allen quote: "More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Five

"Squall's out on the gulf stream, Big storm's comin' soon"  ~Jimmy Buffett

 

Just to give you some inside baseball, we have a hurricane coming to town, which means either death or destruction.  Or both. You can never tell about hurricanes.

We here at Picks Central held a special emergency meeting and our COO, Trudy I. Manis, advised us to publish a day or so sooner. Just to be on the safe side. 

 

This week's picks!

 

Jawja vs Bamy. The big game of the week. I really can't say anything funny about it. However, Sports Illustrated says it best: "Nobody really knows how to feel going into this game, and everyone can envision an avenue where both teams win this football game. Nick Saban may not be on the other sideline across from Kirby Smart this time, but everything points to this being another classic college football dynasty showdown within the SEC realm."  I'm picking Georgia because I think Kirby really, really, really wants to win this. But, you know, Alabama has a way with Georgia.  Georgia wins (barely).

 

Lousyville vs Our Lady:  Louisville took care of Georgia Tech last week.  Who knows what you are going to get with Notre Dame.  Louisville is a better team.  Louisville wins. 

Illinoize vs Lions of Nittany:  The fighting Illinois bois against Penn State.  Illinois has won four games, but they haven't played Penn State yet. That should make a difference. Penn State wins.

Ahia State vs Meechigan State: Ah yes, the Buckeyes are having another great year while Michigan State is still in Michigan.  Ohio State wins.

Jawja Southurn vs. Jawja Stayed: Georgia Southern (school song: "I gotta get drunk, and I sure do dread it") travels to 'Lanuh to play Georgia State. It's GSU versus GSU.  GSU wins!

University of Tennessee-Martin vs My Beloved Owls.  "At UT Martin, you’ll be part of a caring and close-knit community who will challenge you to do your best, encourage you to follow your dreams and support you through every step of your academic journey."  I will translate this:  "At UT Martin, you'll be in West Tennessee, which doesn't even have a Bucee's".  They are an FCS school, which should help the Owls since the transition to FBS has been, um, challenging. Owls win. 

This Week's Picks Week 4

 

 

This week, both Georgia and Kennesaw State are off, so we have a shorter-than-usual This Week's Picks.  For this, we give praise.

For what it is worth, Georgia barely got out of Kentucky alive.  Texas destroyed the University of Texas At San Antonio with the help of Arch Manning, grandson of Archie and nephew of Peyton and Eli.  Texas has hopped over Georgia for the number one spot. It is a long season, but Texas really looks good. 

This week's picks!

Ramblins vs. Lousyville. This week, the Battling Bees go to Louisville. (Question: Is the capitol of Kentucky pronounced "Louie-ville" or "Louis-ville"? Neither is it pronounced "Frankfort".) As you know, I jumped on the B-Train when they beat Florida State. This should be a good test to see if Georgia Tech is the real deal or not. I'll go with not. Louisville wins. 

Utes of America vs. Oklahoma State. Utah is one of those teams you hear a lot about but never see play. Oklahoma State is still being coached by a guy with a mullet. I think Utah ought to win because I think of Joe Pesci and his line from "My Cousin Vinny" about "two utes." Utah wins. 

Tennaysay vs. Okie: The big SEC game is Tennessee vs. Oklahoma. Tennessee may make the twelve-team playoff, but Oklahoma won't. They won't know what to do with Tennessee's fast offense. Welcome to the SEC, boys.  Tennessee wins. 

Jawja Southurn vs Ole Mess:  Georgia Southern (Lyrics from their school song: "I like beer, it makes me a jolly good fellow") goes to Oxford to play Ole Miss. Ole Miss is number 5 in the rankings, which makes it the first Top Ten team Georgia Southern has played.  It would be a blankety-blank big deal if Georgia Southern won. They won't. Ole Miss wins. 

Floreeduh vs Upright Walking On Two Legs Bulldogs.  Talk about a stinky game. Flordia is looking horrible now, while Mississippi State is losing to Toledo (or "Twoledo" as Paul Finebaum pronounced it) at home, with innocent cowbells present.  Supposedly, Florida has a bunch of commitments from its boosters to buy out Billy Napier's contract.  The amount of scratch they need to come up with is only (checks notes) $26 million dollars.  As Steve Miller would say to Napier, go on, take the money and run. I tend to think Florida is better than Mississippi State.  Call me crazy, but Mississippi State wins.

 

 

No Debate

 

 

I know this will make me look bad.

I didn't watch the Trump-Harris debate the other night, nor did I watch the Trump-Biden debate in June. I haven't watched a Presidential debate since 2016.

I used to be a consummate political junkie. Now, not so much.

I don't know if I have become disillusioned, cynical, or just plain old grumpy in my old age.

I mean, I get the history of it and all that. Nixon had a heavy beard and Kennedy was tanned, tested, and ready.  Ford freed Poland. Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, yadda, yadda.

I just think it has passed its expiration date. Maybe at one time we needed to have a joint press conference where the candidates express their positions on the issues of the day. 

But Presidential debates have basically become NASCAR races that we watch to see if anybody crashes.

Last June, President Biden crashed, and it sent Democrats into full panic mode because they spent a lot of time telling us Biden was fit as a fiddle when it was pretty obvious he didn't have a lot going on upstairs. 

News reports say Trump crashed the other night. Yet, I get the impression it doesn't really matter because this is the Trump people have always seen, and when he acts like a baboon, nobody is surprised.

News reports say Harris hit all her marks, whatever that means. I think it means she didn't act like Trump, but that can't be that difficult.

The moderators asked her about "fracking," which she was against back in ancient history (2019).  Now, she is pro-fracking. She likes it, she loves it, she wants some more of it.  

Harris announced that she is a gun owner.  I guess this was her attempt to win the White Evangelicals With Less Than Three Years Of College Who Like To Shoot Things.   I just never thought of her as a pistol packing mama, but what do I know?

I don't understand why she was not asked about President Biden unless I missed it. A question like: When did you realize President Biden was non compos mentis?

The moderators had no interest in that. Which is part of the problem because the interest the moderators from ABC News had was making sure The Vice President had a good night.

Two things can be true at the same time.  Trump did an awful job. ABC did an awful job too.

I remember watching a debate between Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in 1996  In his closing remarks Bill Clinton gave out his internet address, which sounded funny at the time.  When the debate ended, Dole made a bee-line to the moderator and said, "Why did you ask him all the easy questions?"

In  2008,  the moderator for a debate against Barack Obama and John McCain  was the late Gwen Ifill.  Ifill had signed a book contract weeks before to write about Obama and his undeniable holiness. I think that qualifies as a conflict of interest.

Then in 2012, in a debate between Republican candidates, George Stephanopoulos, who somehow has become an anchor of sorts despite working for President Clinton, asked Mitt Romney why Republicans want to outlaw birth control. Which, as history has shown, none of the Republican candidates that year were even talking about birth control.

Later the same year in the Presidential Debate with President Obama, Mitt Romney was fact-checked by moderator Candy Crowley. It turns out that Romney was right and Crowley was wrong.

There are other examples, but one thing that is common to each is that the "refs" (the press) interfered with the game (the debates) for the Democrats and against the Republicans. In that sense, David Muir and Lynsey Davis was just carrying on an old family tradition.

That should not be.

Charles C.W. Cooke of The National Review said:

"But I’m outraged by the moderation nevertheless, because it existed independently of Donald Trump’s flaws, and because, in a republic such as ours, it should not have. I am, in other words, outraged by the moderation per se — not because it was aimed at Donald Trump (whom I dislike and for whom I do not intend to vote) or because I think it materially altered the outcome of the debate (which it did not), but because the press should not be doing what it did in presidential debates, and because it will not always be Donald Trump who is the target."

He continues:

"If Republicans wish to fix it — and they ought to — they need to start now. You don’t ignore the cracks in a bridge because you happen to dislike the person who is currently driving over it. You get on the case immediately. Trump or no Trump, the GOP needs to start informing the media that it will no longer play ball unless massive reforms are made. No more Candy Crowleys. No more David Muirs. No more selective fact-checking, absurd framing, or glaring double-standards. If the press can manage that, it gets to play dress-up again. Until then, though, the game ought to be over." 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Picks Week Three

 

 

In case you didn't hear, Disney is in a spat with Direct TV which AT&T owns and somehow this means we can't watch ESPN on our Uverse, which is not Direct TV but is owned by AT&T.

Because of that, I (as of press time) am unable to watch College GameDay which is one of the best shows on television, because I have Uverse. 

College GameDay is about four hours long, when it could  be easily 30 minutes. That's okay because we can see Patrick McAfee act like King Dingus Face.

The others on the panel are Desmond Howard, who has won just about every award possible except the Nobel Prize. Kirk Herbstreit, a former Ohio State quarterback, who brings  his dog to the game.  Rece Davis is the anchor.  Lee Corso, who used to coach Navy and Indiana (not at the same time) gives his prediction on who will win the BIG GAME by wearing a BIG Head of the team he thinks will win.  Into this, Patrick McAfee has been dumped in with the new kid on the show, Nick Saban.  Nick Saban is a great football coach. Not so great TV personality.

One of my favorite parts of the show is when they decide it would be a good idea if everybody would just burst out into tears over a touching human interest story. Somebody's brother gets hit by a car. Mom comes down with some dreaded disease.  Sister's favorite show gets taken off of Netflix.  Whatever.

My favorite was about a running back's father, who had never seen the running back play football. The reason:  dear old dad was in jail for armed robbery. So this one game, after Dad had served his time, Dad was able to see his son play. Of course, the son suffered a career ending ACL tear on the second play of the game. Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.  

This Week's Picks!

 

Jawja vs. Kenyucky: UGA took care of bidness last week and faces its first SEC opponent, Kentucky. Kentucky lost to the Chickens last week, so there's that. UGA wins.

Bumbles vs VMI:  I should have known that when I got on the Georgia Tech bandwagon, it would careen into a ditch. Sorry, guys.  Tech rebounds against VMI this weekend. Tech wins. 

Bamy vs. Weskahnson:  Another SEC-Big Ten match-up that is so popular this year.  Even without Coach Nick, Alabama is a good team, while Wisconsin is okay.  Alabama wins. 

Ellesyou vs Chickens:  LSU is heading to Columbia to play the Fighting Game Birds.  South Carolina won last week. Hmmm, they won't this week. LSU wins. 

 

My Beloved Owls vs San Jose State:   Kennesaw State plays the oldest public university on the West Coast.  San Jose State has some notable alumni.  Both Smothers Brothers, the rhythm section of Creedence Clearwater Revival, Stevie Nicks and Lyndsey Buckingham, and two Doobie Brothers. Yes, all these famous people knew the way to San Jose (I was legally obligated to use that line.)  Owls win.

This Week's Picks Week 2

 

 

Here's a fun fact.  The Florida State Seminoles haven't won a game since Joe Biden was a candidate for President.

They lost 63-3 to Georgia on December 30, 2023.

They lost 24-21 to Georgia Tech on August 24, 2024.

They lost 23-13 to Boston College on September 2, 2024.

Someone who calls himself "Dogwood Maple," posted this on Reddit:

• Florida State has lost three consecutive games.
• In their last seven quarters, Florida State has scored two touchdowns.
• Entering the season, Florida State had won 15 straight games as a double-digit favorite. They've now lost two in a row (-10.5 vs. Georgia  Tech, -16.5 vs. Boston College).
• Boston College has won its ACC opener for the first time since 2020.
• And their first season opener since 2021.
• For the first time since 2021, Florida State starts the season 0-2.
• Florida State is just the third FBS team in the last 45 years to  lose its first two games of the season as a double-digit favorite
• Boston College snapped a five-game losing streak to Florida State  with this win. The Seminoles had also won 12 of 13 before tonight.
• In two games, Florida State has allowed 453 rushing yards.
• This was Boston College's first win in Tallahassee since 2008.
• In two games for Florida State, D.J. Uiagalelei is averaging 6.7 yards per attempt with 1 TD and 1 INT.
• Florida State's RBs had just eight carries tonight.
• In the Seminoles' last three games, they've been outscored 115-37.
• 2024 FSU is the fourth AP Top 10 team to start 0-2 in the last 10  seasons.  (2022 Notre Dame, 2020 Penn State, 2017 Florida State)
• This season, ranked teams are 18-2 vs. unranked opponents.  Florida State has both losses.
• Florida State's 21 rushing yards tonight are their lowest since 2018.
• For the first time since 2017, Florida and Florida State both lost their season openers.
• Boston College outrushed Florida State 263-21 tonight.
• Boston College QB Thomas Castellanos completed one pass of at least 15 air yards tonight.
• In his last four games, D.J. Uiagalelei has 2 TD and 4 INT

 

I guess they won't have to worry about being left out of the College Football Playoff this year.

 

This Week's Picks!

 

 

Jawja vs. Tech of Tennessee: Well, Georgia picked up where it left off last season, opening a can of whoop-up on a major ACC team. Georgia takes a breather this week. Georgia wins.

 

Big Bad Bees vs. Sarah Cues: I have really thought about it. No, make that: I have really prayed about it. Georgia Tech is a very good team, and I wouldn't be surprised if they won the ACC this year and make it into the 12-team playoff.  No, this is not some elaborate way to deliver the dreaded Manis Jinx.  Tech wins.

 

 

Texsas vs Mechigan: This is a big woop-de-do game. Two legacy powers. I just think Texas is better. I hope I'm right. Texas wins. 

 

Chickens vs Kenyucky:  Last week, Kentucky won a weather-shortened game. South Carolina held on to beat Old Dominion.  I am going out of a limb and picking The Chickens. They at least played four quarters. South Carolina wins. 

My Beloved Owls vs. Louisana: Kennesaw State played well in its first FBS contest and has drawn another formidable opponent. Louisiana used to be known as Southwest Louisiana University and is located in Layfette, smack dap in the heart of Cajun Country. That's why they are known as the Ragin' Cajuns. It is the second-largest school in Louisiana. The late great Richard Simmons is an alumnus. I'm still with my Owl. Heart of head: Owls win. 

 

 

Ride

 

One day, after twenty-five years
Head of service at the local Sears
Helen Walker put her pencil down and walked away
And all they found was a little note
'Adios' was all she wrote
But as she left, someone heard her say

"Gonna buy me a ticket to the end of the line
Wanna feel the air, breathe the countryside
As long as those wheels keep rollin', I'll be satisfied
Gonna ride, ride, ride"   (Robert Earl Keen)

This is an important day for me.  It is my last day of work before I officially retire.

Yes, I am riding off into sunset.

Yes, I am heading out to pasture.

Yes, I am hanging it up.

No more meetings, no more phone calls, no more Zoom calls, and no more TEAMS. As the kids say, if you know you know.

I won't have to ask for time off to go to the doctor or the dentist or have some work done on my car.

Schedule a vacation?  Every day is a vacation!

I can stay up and watch the ball game or a movie if I want to.

Do I feel old?  Honestly, no.

How's my health? Outstanding, no complaints.

Neither one of my parents retired. They just quit working. My dad's reason was due his health and my mom quit because she had to look after my dad. 

I'm happy I can retire. I worked for the health system for almost 22 years and the insurance company for 17 years.  That's not too shabby.

I've gone through 7 Presidents of The United States: Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump, and Biden.

I've worked in the Open Concept (no cubicles). Two desk cubicles. Quad cubicles.  A cubicle with a door. Finally, I've worked the past six years in my son's old bedroom that is now "my office".

I've worked with many different people from many different areas of the country, and that part has been fun.

But somewhere in the 90's, a school of thought appeared in the business world that said work life should be as miserable as possible. Also known as "The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves" paradigm.

Over the past 30 years, I've experienced some of that. I'd read "Dilbert" in the morning before work and dog gone if it didn't happen at work the same day.

Lay-offs. Natural work teams. "Huddles".  I have been in meetings where leadership said they could replace everyone in the office with people from the bus stop.  ("Johnson, what happened to all the people that used to work here?"  "Sir, I fired them all and decided to hire the people from the bus stop."  "Who is going to train them?"  "D'oh!")

When the insurance company decided to close the office I worked at, they sent the Executive Assistant Senior Vice President of Closing Offices who said, "Well, when you look at the numbers, it was a no brainer".  I'm glad he didn't have to think about it, that would have been bad.

When I started, I did everything manually. Then came the computers.  Now I have a computer with two monitors.

When I started, I had to wear at least a dress shirt, dress slacks, dress shoes, and a tie.  In 1996 everything went from Business Attire to Wal-Mart causal.  I've worn a tie maybe six times since.  Zero times since I've worked from home. 

When I started, people could smoke cigarettes at the desk. Then, they moved it the loading dock. That's where you got all of the good office gossip.  Then they banned it from work forever.

99.9% of the people I've worked with have been real gems.

As people of my generation used to say, it has been real.

Roger Hines, one of my teachers at Wheeler, said you'll sit around your first couple of months of retirement and then you'll go out and get something else because you'll be bored. 

We'll see about that. 

 

This Week's Picks: Week One

 

 

Here we are again at the start of another College Football Season.  Things are different this year.

For one thing, there are 18 teams in the Big Ten, meaning there are 8 teams over 10 if my math skills honed at Cobb County Public Schools are good.

The Big Ten was a Midwestern Conference. Now, it has schools from the West Coast—the big ones, the big whoop-de-do schools like Oregon and USC all the way to East Coast (Rutgers).

Nobody is saying it, but it will cost a lot of money to travel in this conference.

Plus, can you see Indiana University ever winning the Big 10?  How about Wisconsin?  Minnesota?

The SEC is a little better. They are adding Oklahoma and Texas, which makes sense, considering they are basically Southern states.

But still, there are 16 teams in the SEC. How much money do you want to bet that Vanderbilt never wins a conference game?

There's a twelve-team playoff that you need a slide rule to figure out. This ensures we won't hear bellyaching from teams like Florida State. For that, we give praise.

This Week's Picks!

 

Jawja vs. Klemsome: Last year, Georgia lost its conference championship to Alabama and was kicked out of the playoffs. Georgia then beat the snot out of Florida State in the Orange Bowl. Clemson had an off year, for them.   I think UGA will win. UGA wins.

 

Bumbles vs Down Town Connector University. Speaking of slide rules, The Bees were buzzing last week in Ireland when they beat FSU which makes it the second Georgia school to humiliate FSU in a year.   Tech looks better than they have in years. They should have little problem with Georgia State. Tech wins.

The Lions of Nittany vs Almost Heaven? West Virginia? Gee, every year someone says West Virginia is going to be all that and a bottle of Mountain Dew. Then they lose. They will this time.  Penn State wins.

Our Lady vs The Ags:  Oh Lord, Notre Dame is the best team until the season starts.  Texas A&M will give them a fight, but Notre Dame has the luck of the Irish, Rudy, The Gipper and all that.  Notre Dame wins.

The State of North Dakota vs Prime:  North Dakota State is an excellent FCS school that should be in the FBS. Colorado gets attention because their coach has a gigantic personality and is a good copy. Colorado wins and Prime picks up three new endorsements.

Jawja Souhurn vs Boyzee State: Georgia Southern (school song: "Pop A Top, Again") welcomes Boise State to Pat Paulson Stadium and the land of the unforgiving gnats.  It is a big-time school.  What the hey, Georgia Southern wins. 

 

My Beloved Owls vs. The Alamo: The real big news is that Kennesaw State starts playing in the FBS, in Conference USA, on Saturday against the University of Texas at San Antonio.  UTSA is a pretty big school and was very good last year. Their most famous alumnus is Santa Anna, the Christmas rapper. The Owls are big underdogs in this one. I'm listening to my heart on this one: Owls win.

 

 

65 And Still Alive

 

Last week, I turned 65 years old.

I remember when that was old. When my parents turned 65, they told of days of yore when they would have to use the outhouse.

They also spoke about the days when they would walk to school uphill, both ways, even in the snow. And they loved it! It was much better than having to ride in a so-called school bus. But who doesn't love a school bus?

I have relayed my tale of woe to my son about how we would have to get up from our seats to "change" the channel when we wanted to watch something else.

We had three main channels in Atlanta. 2 (NBC), 5 (CBS),  and 11 (NBC).  If President Johnson decided to give an address to the nation, you had to forget about "Flipper" that night.

"Flipper" was a TV show about these kids in Florida (no Mom) and they had a "pet" dolphin named Flipper because, really, what else are you going to name a dolphin? Flipper got the kids out of all sorts of trouble because, follow closely, Flipper was "faster than lightning".

Life was tough back then.

One thing the show "Mad Men" got right was how ubiquitous smoking was back then.  Everybody smoked when I was a kid, even the kids. 

Everybody had their own "brand" of cigarettes.

I remember Old Man Manis smoking Winstons because they tasted good like a cigarette should. At least, I think it was Winstons. It may have been Pall Malls.  All of the cigarettes brands sort of blend in together. Except for Virginia Slims, which was marketed for women. Steve Martin said they had breasts.

My mom smoked whatever was on sale or those with coupons on the back that you could save and turn in for a prize when you had a certain amount.  I know we redeemed the coupons a couple of times, but I don't remember the item being such a big deal that if Mom had given up cigarettes for a couple of months, she could have bought it at K-Mart. 

Ah yes, K-Mart.  Or as my Aunt Lizabeth called it, "K-Marks".

K-Mark was the Wal-Mart before Wal-Mart.  It was a big deal in Marietta, across the street from the structure that put us on the map: The Big Chicken.

The Grand Opening of K-Mart was a big deal. They had Buck Owens perform. Jayne Mansfield was there, too.  

Mom was not a fan of Jayne's and said Jayne was drunk during her appearance.  I don't know how she could tell because we were standing somewhere in Kennesaw for this grand opening. But when your mom tells you someone was drunk, buddy, you can take that to the bank. 

We all rode in cars that had few, if any, seat belts. But the cars were cool back then.

My cousin had a Corvette.  It was really a snazzy car, particularly for a family that was not into being snazzy.

His twin sisters shared a Corvair, which they got as a graduation present.  Ralph Nader said the Corvair was unsafe at any speed.  It wasn't a pretty car, but they survived having a Corvair.

We were Plymouth people. One year, Old Man Manis brought home a Plymouth Fury, which was as big as the state of Rhode Island. It was a massive car that later both my brother and I drove. 

Mom's car was a Plymouth Valiant with a push-button transmission.  Never let it be said we didn't live in the future.  By the way, this was the car Mom ran over my brother's cat with that honestly was more gruesome than the Mason murders. 

When you reach 65, you begin to look back and feel grateful.  For all of their imperfections and quirks, my parents did the best they could with what they had.  We had meals every day, a place to stay and sleep, and we never had to worry about whether someone would come home.

We didn't worry about crime that much. We rode our bicycles without helmets. As a seven-year-old, I would walk by myself to a convenience store a mile away to get a treat, even though the house was full of treats.

I've survived Atlanta traffic, high school, college, work, play, and various home projects where I didn't know what I was doing.

I've been fortunate to have an amazing wife. We have a great kid, who in turn gave us probably the best baby ever born on earth. 

I was born in the greatest country in the history of man, at the greatest time, with the greatest music and entertainment.  I have no complaints. 

Now, if those kids would just get off my lawn.

 

Weird

 

When I started "blogging" (or whatever you call this), I had to come up with a name for the blog.

My first attempt was to name it "Alan's Alley" since that was the name of a weekly sketch on The Fred Allen Show. It was a radio show way before my time. (Before some smarty boots mentions it, "Allen's Alley," featured a character named "Senator Claghorn," who eventually became the basis for "Foghorn Leghorn" in the Warner Brothers cartoons. Never say this blog is not educational.)

That didn't work out, so I considered some other names before settling on Humor Me. One name was "Wierd."

You may notice this is a misspelling of the word "weird."  The kids at Wheeler could not spell the word weird because they took the "i before e except after c" very seriously.

For some reason, this word appears frequently in my yearbook inscriptions, as in "Alan, you are one weird guy" or something similar. Actually, it read: "Alan, you are one wierd guy."  As Five For Fighting said, "it's not easy to be me."

 
I decided against it because nobody would get the joke except my mid-70s Wheeler classmates, who would argue with me that they spelled the word correctly and that I was a "wierd guy."

Since we are in the "throw anything against the wall and see if it sticks" portion of the election season, it appears the Democrats have found a new word to describe Donald Trump and company.

Weird.

Out with the "existential threat to Democracy," and in with "weird."  Trump's weird. Vance is weird. Six out of the nine Supreme Court justices are weird.  Ninety-nine percent of the people who vote for the Republicans are weird, and they must be made fun of at times.

Over the past ten years, I have come to realize that Trump has acted like Trump for decades if not centuries. The way he acts in 2024 is the way he acted in 2014, 2004, 1994, et al.  When he was bringing money into NBC for his goofy game show, nobody said he was weird.  When he was sending money to Democratic Senate candidates, nobody said he was weird.

 Now, all of a sudden, Trump is weird. He is strange, man, and not in a good way.

JD Vance has also been tagged as weird. His statement about "childless cat ladies " has caused such a stir that both Chelsea Handler and Jennifer Aniston felt compelled to comment on it.  So you know it was serious. 

For the record, Vance said in 2021, in an interview with Tucker Carlson (oh heavens!), that the country was being run by “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”

It was a hyperbolic, sarcastic remark, but it didn't say anything about couples unable to have children and being against IVF.  It was cutting, to be sure, but I'm not sure it was weird. 

He didn't say all childless cat ladies are miserable-just this bunch.

But, if people want to get up in arms about it, well, that's politics. Welcome to the NFL, JD.

What was weird about JD's introduction to National politics was a thread about Vance being sexually attracted to couches.

I saw dozens of Vance couch jokes on X and I wondered where in the world it came from.  Someone said it was in his book Hillbilly Elegy.

Well, I read Hillbilly Elegy and I don't remember him expressing interest in couches.  I think I would.

Business Insider tracked down the creator of the Vance and Couches joke.  It was some guy on X that wrote a joke about Vance. That's it. 

"Perhaps, Rick (the X poster) said, whether Vance actually had carnal knowledge of one or more couches is immaterial. Rick suggested Vance making love to a couch may best be viewed as what Werner Herzog has described as the  "ecstatic truth" — in Herzog's words, "a kind of truth that is the enemy of the merely factual," encompassing falsehoods that "make some essence of the man visible."*

In the past eight years, people have correctly noted that Trump has told some tall tales, to put it nicely. When considering this, it is best to acknowledge that if Trump actually lied is immaterial. It is best served by thinking it as "ecstatic truth" because he was trying to make the essence of his opponents visible**.

As for his decision to include a fake citation (Rick listed page numbers from the book) in a post about a man having sex with a couch, Rick claims highbrow inspiration. "Not to  egghead it up," he said, but he was an English major "and I do have  certain literary tastes." Listing page numbers was "in the vein of"  authors Jorge Luis Borges and John Fowles, who used excerpts and citations, real and invented, to lend an air of authenticity to their  fiction. "It's something I've found funny my entire life," he said."***

I'm all in favor of political humor and appreciate a lot of it. I used to read National Lampoon when I was a kid and regularly come across pictures like this:

This was tasteless and not very funny. But, there was truth in it and the truth was the main reason Edward Kennedy never became President. ****

The joke about JD Vance is tasteless and not very funny either. The problem is, at least from a humor stand point, is there is no essence of truth about it.   The joke just says, "I don't like JD Vance because he's from the opposite party so let's post something distasteful and make him deny it. Ha. Ha."

If this is what this election cycle will be like, we're in for a bumpy ride. 

Footnotes:

*Business Insider, July 30, 2024

** That's a joke son, a joke. 

***Business Insider, July 30,2024

**** The cartoon is titled "The Delegate From Chappaquiddick"

Goodbye, Joe

 

 

Last week, I said, "As of today, right now, at this moment, it sounds like Biden, could possibly, maybe, perhaps stay in the race."  

Of course, the next day, Biden announced that he was withdrawing from the race in a letter posted on Twitter, now known as X (or on X, which used to be known as Twitter).  

I'd like to know if Dave Barry ever has days like this.

He didn't really explain why he was withdrawing. He couldn't say, "All my so-called friends don't think I can win. Listen, pal, I could win in a landslide if I wanted."  That would have been rude to Nancy, Chuck, and the Obamas.

Then he endorsed Vice President Harris, which spared us from the "mini-primary," that probably would have ended up nominating George Clooney.

Vice President Harris, who was known simply as Vice President Harris just a couple of weeks ago, has re-energized the Democratic Party's base, which is almost exclusively on X (or Twitter).

She is seen as a combination of John Kennedy, Barack Obama, and George Clooney.

Well, maybe.

Harris is having a honeymoon, no doubt brought on by relief that they no longer have to defend President MaGoo.

Her next big test is picking a running mate, which should be easy.

Harris has to pick Gov. Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania because she has to win Pennsylvania to win the election.

She might pick Senator Mark Kelly of Arizona, who is a former astronaut and the husband of Gabby Giffords, who survived a shooting.

He might bring Arizona, but I wonder if he can bring in Wisconsin, Michigan, or Pennsylvania to the fold. He might, but what do I know?  I couldn't see Biden withdrawing a month ahead of the Democratic Party convention. 

After hiding for a couple of days, Biden appeared before the nation to explain his withdrawal from the race.

Apparently, Biden was cruising to re-election when he realized he could just hand off to a new generation to defeat The Existential Threat To Democracy and let the new generation defeat The Existential Threat to Democracy.

Why didn't he think of that before?

He said he thought he deserved re-election, but gee, that new generation needs to have their turn at bat. So, out of the kindness of his heart, he withdrew and hoped everybody remembered what a swell President he was and forget about having to pay $7.00 for a family bag-sized of potato chips. 

There was nothing in his speech about his age or health. He was just the type of guy to give up the Presidency because it was the right thing to do, whatever it was.

Joe is going to focus his attention on his remaining months as President, trying to figure out a way to pardon his son, who, let's face it, is kind of sketchy.

He's going to go back to Delaware, eat ice cream, take a nap, and turn in around 9:00, so not much will charge.

The guy who has been on the national scene since I was in eighth grade at East Cobb Junior High is leaving the stage.

 Goodbye, Joe, we really knew ye.