2020 Goodbye And Good Riddance

 

As I have mentioned a few million times before, I majored in History in college.  Therefore, I think I know what History will say about 2020 years from now. 

History will say 2020 was the suckiest year that ever sucked. 

Oh sure, other terms will be used.  Dumpster fire in the middle of a Sharknado with the sharks pooping is one that comes to mind. 

It was one of those years in which everything goes wrong.

Of course, everything didn't go wrong in 2020.  Bernie Sanders was not elected President of the United States. A gigantic meteor didn't hit earth either. Carole Baskin didn't win Dancing With The Stars. Other than that, 2020 was a year "Murphy's Law" was in effect and was in force.

It didn't start off too bad for us. My wife and I went to New York and met actor Ed Harris. We had a nice conversation with him about the movie "Radio".

When we came back home to Georgia, I checked Twitter and learned Kobie Bryant had died in a helicopter crash.

The year took out some of my favorites: John Prine, Jerry Jeff  Walker, and Billy Joe Shaver.  

The year began with a political double whammy.  One was the impeachment of President Trump based on the high crime and misdemeanor that President Trump was President Trump.  After several weeks, the Republican Senate, (surprise, surprise) voted to acquit President Trump. The day after the acquittal, President Trump gave a speech, at The White House, calling the whole thing "Bull (bleep)" on live TV. Nobody seemed surprised.

Then the Democrats held their primaries and it seemed that the long, long, long, long, long career of Joe Biden was finally over but then they realized he was the only candidate that could possibly beat President Trump because all of the rest were unknowns, kooks, and socialists.   They woke Joe up and pronounced him the winner and he stayed in his basement for most of the year.

However, none of this prepared us for that day in March when we heard something called "Covid 19" was really, really bad and would even infect cool people like Tom Hanks.

Somehow, this made people run out and buy toilet paper. 

They shut down small businesses, churches, and synagogues because they were not essential. Target and Wal-Mart were essential.

Schools shut down and parents had to figure out who was going to stay home with the kids and help them on their Zoom classes. There has never been a time in which I was more thankful not to have a kid in school.    

Of course, President Trump provided the calm, reassuring leadership we have come to expect from him. Oh sure, maybe he did, just spitballing an idea, suggest we could inject disinfectant to kill the virus. But the man is a doer! 

We got to know people like Dr. Anthony Fauci who advised us to:

1. Wash our hands for four hours when we touch a door knob.

2.  Wear a mask everywhere, even if you live alone and you are taking a shower.

3.  Social distance! You should shop for groceries, in your car, wearing a mask.

For his part, the Democratic nominee said that he would handle the pandemic differently. Biden said he would:

1.  Tell people to stay inside and wash their hands every five minutes whether or not they touched anything.

2.  Everybody wears a mask at all times. 

3.  Just admit you're going to get it and you will die so go ahead and make final arrangements.

The virus was a persistent little Booger McFarland and various waves came which caused some states like California and New York to still have the strict rules they had in March and April which they said would wipe out Covid, but it didn't because, you know, Trump, and Joe Bob didn't wear mask at the grocery store.

Liberal Democratic politics were strangely immune to Covid 19.  Cletus and them at an Arkansas pool would cause a spike in Covid cases.  People sharing the same champagne bottle after the results of the election was announced didn't. 

As I alluded in the previous paragraph, some people were really excited over the election results. 

If you didn't hear, Joe Biden  and his running mate, Senator Cackle of California, won the election. Of course, President Trump handled his defeat in the gracious way we expected from him by claiming:

1.  He won, by a lot.

2.  There was a lot of cheating .

3.   Republican office holders that certified the election results were actually "RINOS" (Republicans In Name Only) and should have done more to help the President cheat win.  

As of this writing, President Trump still hasn't conceded and there still are some out there that think Trump will still pull out a victory because he's Trump and can declare martial law because he lost an election.

Some reports have Trump running again in 2024 when he'll still be a spry 78 year old like President-I Guess-Elect Biden.  Gee, there's a pleasant thought.

Seriously, things weren't all bad. It could have been much worse and we have a vaccine that's out that will get us back on track.  So cheer up America!  By this time next year, we won't have to wear a mask to take a shower in our home. Maybe.

"The Crown" Season Four Recap

 

A part of my awesome responsibility as a blogger is my duty to comment on various shows on Netflix. (It is somewhere in the fine print, trust me on this).

I have some experience in blogging about TV shows. When I started Humor Me, I did a weekly recap on "Mad Men".  It was season three of "Mad Men" which finds Don bedding another woman in town and Betty finding out Don's real name is Dick.  It was a great season. The boys of Sterling-Cooper started a new firm, Peggy dated Duck, and a man named Guy gets his foot run over by a riding lawn mower.

Then I did a weekly recap of "24", with a lot of help from Dave Barry.  It was more popular than the "Mad Men" recaps when I learned an important lesson about recaps: recap shows that are seen by a lot of people.

Unfortunately, I cannot do a weekly recap of "The Crown", which is the Netflix series about Queen Elizabeth and the gang.  They made only ten shows and you can watch them all in a day if you want.

As a history major, I found "The Crown" interesting because it dealt with something I knew and cared little about: British history.   Sure, I knew all about  The Magna Carta and all that, but you know, big deal, a ball game is on.

Then a few years ago I found out that I am a direct descendant of King Henry VII.  I never thought I'd be royal, but it just runs in my blood.

So when we stumbled on "The Crown" and I got to see what old Cousin Liz is doing.

The first three seasons of "The Crown"  have this one question:  How does the monarchy, which has been in power for 1209 years deal with the rapidly changing times of post-war Britain?

The question in season four of "The Crown" is:  Which one is the biggest douche: Queen Elizabeth or Prince Charles?  (Answer:  Charles by a mile.)

Season four introduces two new characters into the mix.  One is Margaret Thatcher, who was the Prime Minister of Great Britain for eleven years.  The other is Princess Diana.  

Margaret Thatcher is played by Gillian Anderson, so I naturally called her Prime Minister Agent Scully.  (When reading my blogs, you might want to try to remember 90's television.)  

I would say even Agent Mulder would not recognize Prime Minister Agent Scully. They really have her in heavy, heavy makeup where she almost sort of looked like Thatcher. They also had her speak in the slow, ponderous way that would take five minutes to say "Your majesty".  ("Y.........ore......Ma......jes....ty")

You would expect she would get along with the Queen, being a gal and all that. Wrong. Whereas Thatcher was a self made person, Queen Elizabeth was just the winner of the lucky baby club.  This caused friction between the two, particularly in a system where the person with all of the power has to genuflect in front of someone with no power.

"The Crown" questions most of Thatcher's motives because, after all, she is a conservative. She starts The Falklands War because her goofy son was lost in the desert.  She refuses to call for sanctions for South Africa because the same goofy son has business ties there.  "The Crown" goes out of its way to blame Thatcher for some loon that broke into the palace and had a personal interview with the Queen. It supposedly had something to do with Thatcher's "policies", In real life, the Loon has said for years he didn't talk politics or politicians with the Queen.

Basically, "The Crown" holds Thatcher at arms length and treats her with an odd condescending contempt. 

They did a little better with Princess Diana. Emma Corrin plays Princess Diana and they couldn't have found someone who looked more like her.

When Diana first appears, you just want to yell at the TV set "RUN!" because you know she's going to marry Prince Charles and we all know how that turned out.

The marriage of Charles and Diana was doomed from the start because: 1) They had nothing in common  and 2) They hated each other.

It was all fun and games when they had a whirlwind romance which was spurred on by Mummy, Daddy, and Dead Uncle Mountbatten. Before Dead Uncle Mountbatten became Dead Uncle Mountbatten, he wrote Charles a letter stating Charles' booty call days are over and it is time for him to get busy and make heirs for the crown.

The problem was Charles (stop me if you had heard this before) was in love with another woman, who just happened to be married to someone else.  Charles started looking around, discovered Diana, and Bob's your uncle, decided Diana would be a good baby factory for Great Britain.

It didn't take long for Charles and Diana to tire of each other. Diana had trouble adjusting to all of the adulation and fame.  After all, here was this knock-out blonde beauty who acted like a human being, in the Windsor family which was as dull as dish water. As we macho guys would say, Charles outkicked his coverage and she knew it.

Meanwhile, Charles went around walking in that weird hands in the front pockets way of his telling everybody except his mom and Diana, that "Camilla" (the married woman) was the true love of his life. The fact that they both were married and Diana was way better looking didn't even register to Charles. 

In fact, the only way Camilla was superior to Diana was she knew how to tell a joke first told to me by the great Greg Marshall who I can only assume heard it from Camilla.

Charles was just a royal (ha-ha) pain in the butt. He sulked and criticized Diana mainly because she was good looking and had a good personality.  This took all of the attention away from Charles and he didn't like it one bit.

Back in my insurance days, I worked with a lady from England. I asked her if she liked Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and all of the rest.  She said, "I don't-they're no better than the rest of us and they put their trousers on one leg at a time".

That lady from England was a great American. 

 

We Need A Little Christmas

 

 

 

I am going to admit something very, very shocking.

 I like listening to Christmas music.

There, I said it. That took a load off of my mind. 

I like all kinds of Christmas music.  I like the Christmas carols, of course. Some of them are so well written it would make Dylan/Cohen/Lennon and McCartney green with envy

"Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light
 The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight."

 That's just from one song. All of these songs are always there. You can probably name them all. "Silent Night".  Admit it, you always wondered what a "round yon virgin " was, haven't you?

Next are the pop Christmas songs of the Forties, Fifties, and early Sixties, before The Beatles and that old long hair came in and tried to make everything cool. Speaking of which, I know people like "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon.  I don't.   I just imagine (ha, ha, no pun intended) John staring me down saying "So, this is Christmas, what have you done?" with that smug John Lennon face. I don't know, John, just back off and let me enjoy my figgy pudding.

The  Forties, Fifties, and early Sixties songs were drenched in nostalgia. People are dreaming of a White Christmas just like the ones they used to know.

I was raised in Georgia. It never snowed at Christmas. If we were lucky, it rained. 

One song that I like even though it is kind of weird is "Happy Holidays" by Andy Williams.

When I was a kid, Andy Williams was everywhere adults were at. He wasn't quite as boring as Lawrence Welk and those doofuses.  He just seemed like everybody's dad that could sing "Moon River", which is, as a matter fact, wider than a mile.

Here's a part of the song I think is kind of weird.

"It's the holiday season
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
And don't forget to hang up your sock
'Cause just exactly at 12 o'clock
He'll be coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney, down!"

I get there is a whoop-de-do at Christmas time.  I'm not sure I know what a "hickory dock" is  and why it goes with a whoop-de-do.  As a personal preference, I prefer to use the term "stocking" instead of "sock" even though I acknowledge a "stocking" is just a "sock" that knows somebody. "Stocking sounds like Christmas. "Sock" sounds smelly.

Additionally, I never knew Santa came down the chimney exactly at 12 o'clock. It is not enough that he flies through the air with a bag of toys powered by reindeers, but he does all of this at the exact time of 12 o'clock?  I'm sorry, even with my limited math and physic skills, I'm not buying it.

There is one song played at Christmas that is very appropriate this year:  "We Need A Little Christmas".

I have done some research on this song. This song came out in 1966 and was part of the Broadway play "Mame".  It seems Mame had lost her fortune in the stock market crash of 1929 and she decides her household "needs a little Christmas" to feel better about life. It was first performed by Angela Lansbury who, right now, as of this writing, is still alive.

This verse:

"For I've grown a little leaner
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder

We need a little Christmas now!"

If there is ever a year that needs a little Christmas it is 2020.  It practically started with Kobe Bryant flying into a mountain. Then the unending Presidential election in which we selected a 78 year old man who warns of a "dark winter" with 250,000 additional Covid deaths in December in the United States when we've had a total of 272,000 total since last January. Nobody with our ever vigilant Press tried to question him about that figure because they're still dealing with the Trump Circus. 

Covid-19 started with the promise that we would only be in lock down to "flatten the curve" and in some states, oddly enough with the strongest restrictions, still haven't flatten the curve. 

Add to that the unrest, which doesn't cause the virus to spread, and it has been one bummer of year, man.

We need a little Christmas. We need laughter. We need Christmas pageants of little kids wearing towels on their heads pretending to be shepherds in the field. We need bright lights. We need to see The Radio City Rockettes, at least I do.

We need to go see the latest Christmas releases from Hollywood.  We need to see choirs. We even need crowded malls and shopping centers. We need to see little children sitting on Santa's knee. 

We need to stand when the cantata reaches "The Hallelujah Chorus".  We need to hear the people ringing the bells for The Salvation Army.

The Christmas after the 1929 Stock Market Crash had to be bleak. The same with the Christmases of World War II, Korea, and Vietnam.  But there has never been a Christmas, at least to my knowledge, where the government has gone out of their way to be a Scrooge all in the name of your personal safety.

Maybe they are right, I don't know.  I take solace in the words of another Christmas song.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
Our troubles will be out of sight."

Hopefully, with a vaccine on the horizon, by this time next year, our troubles will be out of sight.

But, like the song says, "Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow".

In 2020, we are going to muddle through. Somehow.