More Meditations In An Emergency

Here's a transcript of every post on every social media platform every freaking day of the pandemic.


Wear your masks people! It saves lives. Wear your mask in the car even when the only stop you'll make is in a closed garage. Then go in, take a shower, dry off, burn the towels, put a tub of sanitizer in your hands, and for the sake of all that is good and holy, do not touch your eyeball. Even if it falls out of your eye. Leave it there and use an eye patch. People will think you are a pirate.

Don't tell me what to do. The Constitution of The United States of America does not mention masks. That's enough for me. This "science" you mask people all use is bogus and funded by Dr. Fauci and George Soros. "They" don't tell you that Fauci and Soros own all of the mask making companies in the United States.  They soak all of the masks in a chemical that will turn everybody into Zombies.

Selfish pig. I give up. If you want to kill people that's on your hands, not mine. Here's a link to a story from a Hollywood star that agrees with me about the masks.  I think we should listen to science and famous people.

Here's a chart that supports my suppositions based on what I think about Trump.

Here's another chart which contradicts your chart.

This chart shows the chart you just posted is full of beans.

This is another chart which shows that your last chart is SO full of beans.

If Trump had just told us to wear a mask last October we would have all put on masks and we wouldn't be in the mess.

If it was raining and Trump handed you an umbrella you wouldn't use it.

Things cannot go back to normal until a vaccine is created. Until then, you will just have to do something with your school-age children. Think of it as an extended summer vacation except you have to make sure your eight year old sit in front of a computer for 7 hours a day until we get the all-clear from Dr. Fauci.

Yahoo! Virtual school! (Eight-year-old boy)

I ain't taking a vaccine.  It will kill you.

Not taking a vaccine will kill you and others. We won't miss you that much. Now, the others....

I walked into Piggly Wiggly the other day and everybody had a mask on besides me. I left mine in the car because I had my mind on other things besides how I was contributing to the destruction of mankind because I am absent-minded.  People looked at me funny. I guess I need to get a haircut.

Republicans want people to die because they are evil

Democrats think Covid-19 doesn't spread in protests but spreads in church services because they don't believe in God.

Brian Kemp. My God.

Andrew Cuomo.  Good Lord.  This is a sixty-two-year-old man that wears a nipple ring.

I don't see how children can go back to school until 2026 at the earliest.

I still don't see how masks work.  If I put on a mask and you put on a mask, the virus just goes away and looks for people that aren't wearing a mask?

Okay, it works like this. I put on a mask. I wash my hands after every action I do because there may be a spot of Covid-19 in my house that I missed the first 14 million times I cleaned it with Clorox. That reminds me, I need to call my stockbroker and buy some more Clorox stock.

You still can't make me wear a mask.

Masks are so late April. If Trump really wants an end to the pandemic, he would issue a mandatory  Mask-Iron Helmet Like The Knights Of The Round Table Wore-Plexiglass Face Shield While Sheltering In Place Order.

I plan on hounding and shaming you for the rest of life because your actions killed millions and millions of people.

Hey!  I found another chart which supports my opinion!

Bad Words

I don't have a mission statement for my blog.  If I did, it would be "Get as many eyeballs to read this so I can become rich and famous".  My auxiliary mission statement would be "Inform my readers and maybe crack some booger jokes".

Well, today, my dear readers, I going to inform you of something so vile, something so terrible, something so awful, that if you made the mistake of uttering these four vile, terrible, and awful words/phrases you would be canceled.

Before I go any further, I must tell you what being canceled means.

Being canceled means, according to our betters at  The New York Times, "withdrawing from someone whose expression — whether political, artistic or otherwise — was once welcome or at least tolerated, but no longer is." 

The most recent example of this is when the CEO of a Mexican bean company said nice things about President Trump.  The main vehicle for canceling is, of course, Twitter.  Twitter got a hold of this awful deed and soon a boycott was announced of a bean company.  This CEO had to go on TV and remind consumers that he said nice things about President Obama, too.

The point being "the cancel culture" is getting out of hand, so much so that Harper's magazine printed a letter signed by many, many smart people (none of whom I would say voted for Trump) stating people should engage in a free exchange of ideas and tolerate other views.

To nobody's surprise, this was controversial on Twitter.

Okay, I've delayed this long enough. The following are four words/phrases you should not utter:

1.  Peanut gallery
2. Eenie meenie miney moe
3. Gyp
4. No can do

Says who? Says "The Angry Grammarian" of The Philadephia Inquirer. To be fair, here is a link to the article:  https://www.inquirer.com/opinion/racist-phrases-origins-language-20200610.html

The article starts off with an editor's note, sort of like when on TV when they want to warn you about something graphic in nature.  The editor said, " Please be aware offensive terms are repeated here solely for the purpose of identifying and unpacking them honestly. These terms may upset some readers."

I must admit I was sort of disappointed in the four words/phrases.  I was a teenager when George Carlin used to do his routine "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television". Now those were some words. If Mr. Carlin was alive today, his bit would be titled "Seven Words You Have To Say On A Showtime or HBO program" 

I thought "Peanut Gallery" came from "The Howdy Doody Show". They had kids sitting on bleachers as an audience and adults used to refer to kids as "peanuts" back then.  Nope, it has a nefarious origin so out you go "Peanut Gallery" and don't let the door hit you in the back.

"Eenie meenie miney moe" comes from a Kipling poem and Kipling uses a bad word about catching someone by the toe and if he hollers let him go.  Society has changed Kipling's phrase to something nicer but that doesn't matter. Down the memory hole, you go, Eenie meenie miney moe!

I had heard "Gyp" was a pejorative last year, so at least I was a step ahead of The Angry Grammarian on this one.  I was made aware of a social situation of a group of young adults in which a guy said he felt "gypped" by a product he bought.  This caused a young lady to go into full Millenial Lecture Mode explaining how offended she was that he would use such a slur.

The Angry Grammarian says, "America has an ignoble history of taking ethnic, religious, or racial identifiers and repurposing them as negative actions and attributes. The fact that gyp — which refers to bilking, flimflamming, or bamboozling—is short for gypsy should tell you all you need to know about its offensiveness."

Up until last year, I was totally unaware that gyp is short for gypsy. I know that is no excuse and I fling myself at the mercy of the cancel culture not to cancel me. From now on, I will say "bilking, flimflamming, or bamboozling".  You should too if you don't want to have to move to a van down by the river to live.

The last phrase, "No Can Do" supposedly makes fun of Asians but I can't go for that. Personally, I think The Angry Grammarian just has something against Hall and Oates.

Is there any hope for us?  The Angry Grammarian says "Can these words and phrases ever shed their racist origins? Language changes constantly, and we should account for the possibility".   Wow, what an admission.

He continues, "But before we let any of them out of word purgatory, we need to scrutinize why they mean what they mean, and if we’re truly comfortable with everything those definitions imply."

My advice:  quit talking.  It gets you into a lot of trouble.

The Problem With Statues

My mother would say some of us have lost our feeble minds.

Maybe I'm just a reactionary fuddy-duddy who doesn't understand the evil of systemic (insert problem here) that we MUST GET RID OF RIGHT NOW.

Apparently, we have systemic problems with statues.

At first, you could understand some of the issues with statues, like Confederate generals. After all, they were fighting against the United States for the proposition that some men should be able to have free labor.

By the way, as some of you know, I majored in history in college. One of my professors was Dr. Roach, who sort of sounded like Richard Nixon when he lectured. In explaining The Civil War, he said it is important to remember that one-third of the South wanted to fight, one-third didn't want to fight, and one-third didn't give a damn.  The One-Third that wanted to fight convinced the No Damns that war would be an adventure and Yankees are bad, etc.  They forgot to mention the part about death and the amputations.

Quickly the Statue Wars moved from Confederate generals to other Americans, who are quite famous. People like Washington and Jefferson.  Both Washington and Jefferson owned slaves. They are now considered as morally compromised people by those whose knowledge of the American Revolution is the Broadway play "Hamilton".  What's funny about "Hamilton" is that he's considered a shining light because he didn't own slaves.  No, he was just involved in slave trading, but that's okay because the songs are so good in the show.

Popular Mechanics magazine recently published an article titled: "How To Topple A Statue Using Science".  You can read it here. https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/a32870657/remove-statue-science/ 

I'm glad science is now being used because trying to topple a statue using the liberal arts just wouldn't work.

From Washington and Jefferson, the crowd went after Christopher Columbus. My theory is that there is a dearth of Confederate statues in Northern cities and the crowd up there wanted to get into the action.

Columbus is considered problematic because he is honored as the founder of America when he wasn't the first European over here. The Vikings were here way before  Columbus. There were also other people here before either The Vikings or Columbus.   Of course, he made them slaves.

Now, the crowd is having problems with statues of elk

Last week, in Portland, Oregon, protestors set fire to a statue of an elk. It was not a Confederate elk or an elk that is associated with Washington, Jefferson, or Columbus.

Here's how The Associated Press reported it:

"A 120-year-old statue of an elk has been removed from downtown Portland after protesters lit a fire underneath it Wednesday night. The statue, which sits atop the David P. Thompson Fountain, has been the target of graffiti and fires during the weeks of protests against systemic racism, police brutality and the killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis police"

The elk was put at the fountain in honor of David P. Thompson, a former mayor of Portland.  I looked up Mayor Thompson's biography on Wikipedia, thinking that maybe he was a Grand Racist Water Buffalo that was a misogynist and a homophobe.  No mention of any great sins, except that he was a Republican.

In just one month's time, we went from shock over police brutality to setting fire to a statue of an elk for no particular reason.

We have a crowd of people, who apparently are very well educated, who just cannot grasp that we are not honoring Washington and Jefferson for owning people.  Washington was the First President and led The Continental Army to victory over Great Britain. Jefferson wrote The Declaration of Independence which said, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  Jefferson deserves a statue just for that sentence.

This is a slippery slope in which people are sliding down headfirst. Who is next?  Dr. King? (He would get in trouble with the #Metoo crowd.)   FDR? (Interned people during World War II simply because of race.)  George H.W. Bush? (Fathered George W. Bush.)

If you tear something down, you should have something better to replace it. So far, I haven't heard anything better.  I have a feeling I won't.