Monday, May 28, 2018

Oleaginous



Oleaginous: adjective,  ole·ag·i·nous, ō-lē-ˈa-jə-nəs

A few weeks ago, George Will sent Washington to the internet in search of meaning.  Specifically, the meaning of a word.

I've been reading George Will for years and he is a great writer. He's been known to throw out a "big word" or two in his career as a syndicated columnist.

Dr. Will wrote a column about how awful Vice President Mike Pence is and said this:

"Donald Trump, with his feral cunning, knew. The oleaginous Mike Pence, with his talent for toadyism and appetite for obsequiousness, could, Trump knew, become America’s most repulsive public figure."

 "Oleaginous" became the most searched for word that week on Dictionary.com

When I read the column, I must admit I did not know the meaning of the word.  I assumed it was not a compliment.

And it wasn't unless you think "oily or greasy" is a compliment.

Now,  I would not describe Vice President Mike as oily or greasy.  He may be a little bland, particularly when compared to some of the other oleaginous members of the administration like Steve Bannon and Anthony Scaramucci. Talk about oleaginous.

 It also has another meaning: "exaggeratedly and distastefully complimentary".

Ok, I can see that, although I don't see it as a big deal as George does. Since at least Vice President John Nance  Garner, who famously said the Vice Presidency wasn't worth room temperature urine, Vice Presidents have been some of the greatest apple polishers and fanny smoochers in the history of apple polishing and fanny smooching.

Vice President Mike can lay it on kind of thick and if there's a President who enjoys that type of stuff it is President Orange. This gets under George Will's skin and he wrote about it. Will once called Dad Bush a "lap dog", so he has a history of dogging out Republican Vice Presidents.  (Sorry, I couldn't resist it.)

In any event, I think we owe George thanks for bringing this word back in our vernacular.  The Clearasil commercials practically write themselves.

"When you have oleaginous skin and you have a big date coming up, don't forget to drop by Walgreens and pick up some Clearasil".

I can use it in future humor memoirs.

"I wasn't popular in school. I was short and wore glasses. My hair was oleaginous." 

On Facebook, I asked one of my high school English teachers, Roger Hines, if he knew what oleaginous meant.

Mr. Hines is one of the smartest people I've ever met, so I figure he would know it.  He introduced me to the phrase "trousered apes" (which is from C.S. Lewis) and I think about it when I see Florida Georgia Line on television.

Mr. Hines said he hadn't heard of it, but another smart fellow, Jim McCartney, commented I should have known it because I took Latin in high school. That's the problem with Facebook, too many people know I took Latin in high school.

Jim (or as I know him: Jimmy) said I should have been able to figure out the meaning of the word from its Latin roots and it would make Mrs. Jenks proud.

Mrs. Jenks was my second year Latin teacher and I was probably her least intelligent student that year if not her career. I know I made her proud when I turned in my second year Latin Book, When Romulus Met Remus, in pristine condition. It was like I had never opened it.

But just think how my life would be different if  I had opened that book. I would have known exactly what George Will meant.  I could also sprinkle Latin words and terms in my blog posts and people would know that I am: A) Smart or B) Someone who stayed awake in Latin class.

Either way, I couldn't be oleaginous.  I have a prescription for that

 









Sunday, May 13, 2018

Click 2018



Guess what gang?  We've having a gubernatorial primary in Georgia!   Can't you feel the excitement! Wake up!

The commecials for the various candidates have already started to hit the airways. Here is a transcript of me channeling surfing:

"I'm Conservative Casey Cagle and I worked hard to bring Conservative Casey Cagle Values to Georgia which include hard work at a job that provides vision benefits that lets you get glasses so you kind of look smart."


________________Click_____________________


"Hunter Hill doesn't need glasses. His vision is perfect. Hunter Hill does four thousand crunches at 6:00 in the morning after his twelve mile run. Casey Cagle can't even do one pull up."



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"Mah name es Stacy Evans and ah laved in 240 different houses, most offem trailers in trailer perks. Effin it wurnt fer y'all buyun scratch-offs, Ah nefer woodef goneofa to skool."



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"Gee, Mr. Kemp, all I did was hold her hand" <BANG! BANG!>    (Voice Over) "Brian Kemp. Loves his daughters. Loves The Second Admendment. Hates boys."

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"Don't you think it is time for a Woman of Color to be the governor of Georgia?  Well, what do you know?  I'm Stacey Abrams and I happen to be a Woman of Color and I happen to be running for Governor. 


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"My name is Clay Tippins. I used to be a Navy Seal. I don't have to brag about my workout regime like Hunter Hill. I bet a gynocologist is his primary care physician. Did I tell you I was a Navy Seal?"


________________Click_____________________


(Voice Over) "Conservative Casey Cagle. Well, you know. I mean, yeah, why not?"


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"No, Mr. Kemp, I didn't touch your daughter. NOT THE BAZOOKA!" <BOOM! BOOM!> (Voice Over)  "Brian Kemp. Really loves his daughters. Loves bazookas. Capche?"


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"Mah momma useda tak them lil paks of catups frum Mackey Dees to make usins some mater soup".



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"Former Navy Seal Clay Tippins here. Did you know Conservative Casey Cagle gave strip joints a tax break?  Is that the type of jobs he wants to bring to Georgia? Stripper jobs?  What a perv.



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"You got to admit it would look good for Georgia to elect someone of color and a woman to boot as governor.  It is a win-win for both of us".



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"Conservative Casey Cagle:  He's put in his time."



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"Okay, enough with the hillbilly crap. The other Stacey has actually worked with Republicans! How can she? Resist! Resist!"



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<voice over>  "Hunter Hill. Sure he's bald, so what?!  Grass don't grow on a busy street, fella.

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"Mr. Kemp!  Not the TANK!" (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!)  <voice over> "Brian Kemp. Pro-keeping boys filthy paws off his daughters' silky drawers.  Pro-tank.  Anti-boy."